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Parenting

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Narcissistic father turning on daughter

2 replies

fantasyworld · 15/11/2022 05:17

Hello, it’s been a few years since I’ve posted on here. I divorced my husband six years ago, we have a daughter together who is nearly twelve. We both have new partners now and DD goes back and forth, but is mainly with me. Over the years I have come to realise, slowly and painfully, that my ex has strong narcissistic traits. I could write a book about it (several, in fact), but the upshot is that I am still learning how to put up appropriate boundaries so that I am not completely devastated every time he decides to swipe in and wreck havoc on me emotionally. What is upsetting me is that I am observing the same behaviours he used to pull on me (and still tries to) on our daughter, who is growing up and challenging him more. He is very delusional and has a way of doing infuriating things/letting her down and then flipping it on her when she expresses any anger or upset-anything that isn’t complete devotion and obedience. She came home in tears yesterday because of such an incident and my heart is breaking for her as she starts realising the reality about her father. I am feeling very triggered but don’t know how to help her- she adores him and can be very protective of him. Stopping/limiting contact is not really an option- or maybe it is? Just feeling so angry, scared and confused. WWYD?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 15/11/2022 12:11

Remind her that she doesn't have to see him unless she wants to, and make sure you hammer home that no one should ever make her feel like this. This relationship will set the scene for all her future relationships. If she feels like she has to accept this treatment she'll accept it her whole life.

fantasyworld · 15/11/2022 14:31

That is exactly what I am worried about. I did tell her that she had every right to be angry, but then there is the double bind of exposing her to his rages/discontent, which is very hard to bear- even for an adult. I’m just wondering if there are people on here who have had/are having similar experiences and how they approached it?

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