Feeling like I'm doing it all wrong!

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I know you shouldn't compare but I'm having a tough time with my 14 mth DD and feeling like I'm getting it all wrong.

She has never slept well and I haven't had a decent night sleep since before she was born... naps equally bad, she feeds alot (BF) in the night still and is generally a very clingy baby in need of comfort. I look around and feel like no one is in the same boat. I'm exhausted. She won't let me move all day and I'm due to go back to work on 2 weeks... what's worse is her nursery settles have failed... the nursery have called me within 40 mins every settle session 3 out of 3! They say she is inconsolable and angry when Ieave and they can't calm her. They are suggesting nursery isn't for her and Im just doubting I can even go back to work. I've worked really hard for my career and was kind of looking forward to going back 3 days but I've been naive to think she'd be able to cope 2 full days I guess.

sorry for the rant but I just feel like I don't know what to do. I look around and it seems to have got easier for everyone else I know with babies of a similar age but I feel it's getting harder and harder. I also feel like no one else seems to struggle this much with sleep/clinginess and nursery and feel like I'm failing in some way.

DD is pretty ahead with her development and very switched on but seems behind in the above respects. She refuses to play independently and calls Mamma if I so much as move out of sight.
DH is very supportive but also exhausted and struggling. We both never have a minute and get little rest at night, just looking to see if anyone is in the same boat or can offer me any tips with anything at all!!

thank you x

Just bumping for you because I'm sure someone will be along with useful advice soon.

I really feel for you - you must be exhausted. I have an 18 month old who is a terrible sleeper. If you can afford it, you could consider hiring a sleep consultant. We had 3 sessions over zoom and it cost £200. Made a massive difference!

The other thing to say is that the nursery sound like they've been a bit crap. Most babies get really really upset at their settle sessions (mine did! It was awful). And most nurseries seem to be able to manage this. You might just have been a bit unlucky. Could you consider a childminder for a smaller setting?

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you're life won't always be like this. Things will get better.

Please don't give up your job - you may regret it later. Three sessions isn't much, it takes some children a couple of weeks to settle into childcare. Or maybe try a childminder instead?

Oh you poor thing! I'm ancient so my opinion might be out of date but what's the thinking on weaning now? Are you planning to continue bf?
I have had a few babies(!) and by number 4 felt, imo, poor night sleeping was often about hunger. Mixed fed that one, others bf till either 6 or 12 months.

My children were/are like this. You have to parent the child you have not the one your friends have.

3 settling sessions is barely anything. DD1 did 6 weeks of settling in sessions for 3 days a week and was still only managing a half day when I had to go back. I actually left work when she was 2 but kept some nursery sessions because she loved it so much.

Night time sleep can often get worse when they start nursery. My advice would be to cosleep, go to bed early and catch up on sleep at weekend when DH takes your toddler out.