15 weeks old - routines?!

[usagimoon]

Hi all! Thought I'd reach out on here as everyone was so kind when I had a meltdown on here when my baby was 3 weeks old (looking back wow I really needed to cut myself some slack!!)
I've fallen nicely into motherhood and I'm really enjoying it.
BUT!!
I've done what I promised myself I wouldn't do, which is read baby advice / apps etc. I got the wonder weeks app which I find kinda of interesting (and a bit anxiety inducing lol) but I also joined a group on Facebook that correlates with the app
Everyone is talking about routines, naps, awake windows, how much milk etc etc
I am entirely baby led atm, we have zero routine, she is in my arms in the evening on and off the boob, sleeping, grizzling (dark room is working for that I've found until she calms!), until she falls asleep and we put her in her snuz pod and I then get into bed and crash about 11:30pm. She then wakes around 3-4am for a feed, sometimes more but that tends to be it until around 7-8am and I actually feel refreshed and fine in the day!
She tends to contract nap on me in the day, or she'll sleep in the car / pram when out and about, but she seems to be pretty wired in the day to be honest, I'm stressing I'm supposed to put her down for a nap now.. but when I attempt to put her down if she's asleep on me her eyes ping open and then she's not happy!
I don't measure her feeds I just feed on demand, offer boob when she's grizzling etc etc.
Is this okay?! I'm finding it okay this way but when will I eventually get an evening back, I feel like I should be -now- just from reading this group aaaarggghh! But then I want her with me and won't even attempt her to sleep alone especially before 6 months! :(
Does any one else let their baby take the lead rather than a routine?
I'm annoyed at myself as I feel like I'm nailing it but now worrying I am creating a 'rod for my own back'

I'm very similar to you, especially the evenings. I hear about 7pm bedtimes but that just doesn't seem to happen here. She sleeps quite well once she's down (usually 10pm ish) so I'm in no rush to change it! I do try to follow a bedtime routine of sorts, but it's just bath, sleepsuit and sleeping bag pre final feed. She only sleeps in the pram during the day, so we try to go for a walk in the morning and in the afternoon, but timings vary - I just go once she's fed and looking tired.

I have friends who would hate this and need a strict routine but my feeling is, if it works for you, it works! I'm planning to gradually introduce a more formal routine from 6 months once she's in her own room and once we have mealtimes for weaning which I think will naturally provide more structure to the day. For now, I'm just going with the flow! I especially like that I can make plans for any time and just adapt the naps around it - for me, it's more relaxing like this!

Thank you! I have no idea how people do 7pm bedtimes tbh!
I'm the same with the bath, night time suit on but that is literally it!
I'm even chickening out now about her being in her own room at 6 months and already looking at next 2 me forever cribs 🙈 lol

Just wanted to say, my baby is 10 weeks old and I could've written that myself. I don't have any advice except from I am not bothering to try and particular routine at the moment as I think it just adds on more stress and pressure. I do want to say that your post has given me a lot of comfort-sorry that's not very helpful for you though!

Also yes, I also find it more relaxing tbh (more flexible isn't it!), but I'm inwardly stressing thinking I should be more rigid with things

I'm glad it's helped you :) the amount of times I've found a comforting thread on here I've lost count of, so I'm glad I've helped someone now hehe! You've got this!

Agree about the comfort, it's nice to hear other people embracing no routine and just going with it! I have sometimes wondered if I'm the only one!

Honestly just go with what works for you and your baby! I wish I'd relaxed more about these things when DS was younger (he's just turned 1).

One thing I will say though is that routines might just naturally fall into place as your baby gets older. For us, as DS got older and he could tolerate more awake time, naps became more predictable, you have meal times that we try to loosely follow and (probably) less milk.

You're doing great

I think routines take time and you definitely shouldn't worry about it. I agree with the above post that routines can just fall into place over time. In regards to feeding, feeding on demand is the best way, it's what I did, I never had set times, when she needed it, I offered the boob. I fed on demand (except with food) right until she stopped breastfeeding only last week (she's 14 months now). So you are doing the right thing with that. I agree about them sleeping on there own away from you, this worried me. I bought a monitor with a camera and that REALLY relaxed me as I could see her all of the time. We didn't have a routine with naps for a few months, but the one thing we found massively helpful was a night time routine, we started this after a few weeks and I'd recommend it to anyone. We bathed her 3 nights a week, and on the other nights it was nappy change, Sleepsuit and bed between 6.30-7pm. It took time and we were still up and down a few times rocking her to sleep. But over time it's worked well for us.

Ah your post reminds me so much of one I wrote when my baby was the same age. My baby used to go to sleep around 11pm. Fed on demand. Contact napped (still does if we're at home). I still hold her until she's asleep. All very baby led.

I never set a routine, overtime she's naturally fallen into a rough one but it varies day to day and it's actually quite nice as it gives us flexibility and she just adjusts and slots into our plans without it unsettling her or disrupting any routine. I know this doesn't work for everyone but if not having a routine works for you, don't force it and you'll see a rough pattern start to emerge as they get older and their naps drop.

She's now 16months and I can confirm no rods have been made and it all still works for us 😄. Don't worry about what you read, just do whatever is working for you. I remember second guessing myself and worrying but it's all worked out just fine for us and I quickly relaxed into the mindset of if it's not broken, don't fix it 😉 and you can always change something if it starts to not work.

Ahhh thank you so much everyone, I'm feeling less flappy now. I think I'm over thinking! It's working for us right now and that's all that should matter I guess! I do feel a rigid routine would stress me out massively.

Question - when watching tv in the evenings do you still do this? I find now she's taking stuff in more I'm worried it's all too bright for her (hence the going into the dark room lately!) I'm turning lamps off, turning tv down a bit etc to see if this will help! She's just seeming more wired this time of night than she used to be, she's smiling and chatting 🙈🙈

Well I'm sat in the living room watching tv now with my toddler asleep on me. I'm sure some people will recoil in horror at that 😆 but I just take her up to bed either when I go up or once she's fast on if I've got other stuff I need to do. It just makes bedtime more relaxed as i'm not getting frustrated sat in a dark room (used to do that for a bit) waiting for her to sleep. Now I just do her bedtime routine then chill and watch a bit of tv whilst we have a cuddle and she dozes off.

I do turn the lights off and turn the TV right down and it doesn't seem to bother her. It might be that your baby is just getting more alert and needs longer stretches between her naps/bedtime before she's tired? They change so quick at this age that just as you think you've cracked it, they change again!

Ah bugger to routines. Some mum's need them for their own well-being but honestly it feels like pushing against the tide with most babies.

The best thing you can do is relax and be baby led. Put no pressure on yourself. Honestly it makes no difference. You realise if you have more children that whether they're fussy eaters, good sleepers or whatever has zero to do with anything you do at this stage. I had the same bedded in, baby led approach with both mine and they're chalk and cheese.

There's numerous sleep regressions, 4 months, 8 months and a bit after a year so even if you do get a routine going it won't last, teething is usually accompanied by sniffles or a fever so again no routine there.

The simplest way to keep an eye on their consumption is wet nappies. So long as there's plenty of them you're grand. You see a bride regularly enough for jabs etc too.
Fussing at the boob helps up your supply for growth spurts as does feeding when you're feeling empty.

You can't spoil a baby, just respond to their needs and enjoy the break from routine. I know I did.

Sounds like you're nailing this!
Wishing you the cosiest of winters with your baby.

Haha okay cool that's comforting! 😂 thank you!! she's dosing on my boob now and I think she'll be in a sleep soon so I can crash out!

You're probably right, the nap thing is frying my brain a bit as I don't put her down for them or watch to see when she needs them because tbh I don't know?!?! Some days it feels like she literally doesn't sleep In the day but she does dose alot after boob on me which I guess counts?! Can you tell I've been reading about naps? Haha argh!

Ahhh thank you Suzyscat :) super kind thank you!
Also I can confirm plenty of wet / dirty nappies haha!

I could have written this back then, I now have a 1 year old who’s happy, healthy, boobing & thriving! Sit back and enjoy your baby led ‘routine’ - as long as it works for your family then embrace it and ignore the ’rod for your back’ crap!

My bubs is 17 weeks and still sleeping downstairs with us until we go up.

No routine but she does go 4hrs between feeds, awake windows are 1.5-2 hrs and she is bathed nightly as I quite like the idea of bath, pjs, and then either a bottle if she due or just gentle play time.

We use the tv for small periods. From 6pm we turn light low and generally lower voices etc and in day time keep things bright. She learnt day today night very quickly as we've done this since day 1

Im wondering when to put her down to her next to me bed in the evenings but not yet as it's working for us. She has a snooze pod on the sofa with us.

She doesn't have a night feed and hasn't since the clocks went back so as I say it's working for us x

When I say she doesn't have a night feed I dream feed her when I go to bed 9-10pm and that usually gets her to 6-7am

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