Telling bumptious DD to tone it down

[PolkaDotMankini]

We went to dinner today at a friend's house. 10yo DD was so loud and insisted on making herself the centre of attention all evening. I reminded her to lower the volume, told her to sit down and told her off for interrupting but she was straight back at it. I made our excuses and left almost straight after pudding because I was so embarrassed.

I haven't spoken to her about it yet because I'm too cross. This always happens when she goes to someone's house and I repeat myself over and over but it makes no difference. She sees nothing wrong with it but it's so incredibly annoying and wearing for everyone.

How do I teach her proper behaviour?

Does she have any SN? Is this a general problem e.g. at home or at school or is it only at other people's houses.

Do you think she's anxious? Over excited?

I'd have a gentle chat with her about her behaviour and try and get her to look at it from the other people's perspective e.g. 'How do you think Caroline felt when you interrupted her?' and talk it through that way.

I'd also make sure you're giving her positive instructions rather than negative ones, tell her what she SHOULD be doing and not what she shouldn't.

What do you mean she sees nothing wrong with it? Does she tell you this? If so I would be saying ‘it is rude and unpleasant.’

You say she does it every time you go to someone else’s home - does she also do it at home? And what type of behaviour is it? When you say loud, do you just mean loudly talking? Or shouting/making a fuss over things? The interrupting I wouldn’t stand for, I would just loudly say ‘dd someone is speaking, you’re interrupting x.’

No SN. She just gets very over-excited at other people's houses. Not so much with family and she's well-behaved enough on play dates that she keeps getting invited back, so I assume she does ok on her own.

I'll talk to her about it directly as suggested and see what she says. The volume control is something that happens everywhere. She starts off at normal volume but it goes up and up - not shouting, but very loud!

Treat her like a toddler - one warning then leave. Every time. She'll learn.

It is social awkwardness, and it is worse when she is anxious to impress friends, and less bad around family because she is more relaxed.

Talk to her before you go into a social situation about listening, watching people for cues, and checking in with you for feedback. Explain that if she can't rein it in when required, you will have to leave, and stick to that. Try not to let your embarrassment make you cross with her - many kids go through this phase.

My DN was like this at 10 and under. It’s a shame because it affected our relationship. The good news is she’s calmed right down since she started high school and is a joy to be around these days. Not helpful, but hopeful.