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Parenting

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Original poster

Fairness dilemma

6 replies

prettycandles · 01/12/2004 10:39

I don't believe that you have to be fair and equal to all your children, that if one gets then all get and that if one doesn't get then none get.

Background: for the last two terms ds, 4, has been going to a 'dance class' on a Tuesday afternoon, and for the last term dd, 23m, has been going to what she calls her 'dance class' at the same venue on a Wednesday morning. It's actually a mums and toddlers music and movement thing, but she loves it too. In order to take ds to his class dd has to come along and she anticipates her class enormously.

Dilemma: next term dd starts nursery Wed, Thur, Fri mornings, so won't be able to do the 'dance class'. But if I continue to take ds to his class, then dd will be upset because she will anticipate her class but never get it.

Should I give up the classes for ds or continue them?

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WideWebWitch · 01/12/2004 10:40

Continue them. They can't always have the same things imo and circumstances have changed.

misdee · 01/12/2004 10:43

see if she wants to do something else. no point denying your ds the classes.

amynnixmum · 01/12/2004 10:44

Thats a really tough one.I dont think it would be fair on your ds to make him give up his lessons though. Perhaps you could say to dd that as she is now such a big girl she gets to go to nursery and isnt she a lucky girl etc. You can always make sure that you and dd have some special time together whilst ds is at his class. Even if its just reading together while you wait for him.

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secur · 01/12/2004 10:45

Message withdrawn

aloha · 01/12/2004 11:13

Being fair IMO does NOT mean they do the same thing. In this case I think it would be terribly unfair to your son to prevent him going to his class just because your daughter is going to nursery. Children are individuals with different needs, abilities and there is also the sheer element of practicality. In this case your dd will be doing things at her nursery that your son won't have any part of - should you send him to nursery with a two year old just to make things fair! Of course not.
I have a stepdaughter of 13 and a son of three - sometimes my stepdaughter wants to go to the cinema. We don't refuse to take her just because ds can't go - he gets to stay home and play with grandma and we got for a pizza and a movie. I have no problem with that at all.

Original poster

prettycandles · 01/12/2004 21:17

Thanks for your responses.

If I didn't have to take dd with me then I wouldn't hesitate to continue ds's class, even if dd didn't get to go to her class any more. But as much as it's unfair to ds to stop the classes, I feel that it's terribly unfair to dd to torment her by taking her week after week to where her class is held and then not taking her to the class.

I would love to take dd to a different class, but among the reasons I did these classes are that they are affordable (£20 per 10week term) and local so that I can walk - around here classes tend to start from £5-£6 per child per class, plus parking!

They'll be going to the same nursery, so they will be together for at least some of the time. I've actually scheduled the nursery days so that one morning a week ds gets to have me to himself while dd is at nursery.

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