Pregnant and my toddler HATES me

[Jordmam]

Hi fellow mums. I'm literally due to pop with DC2 any day now and the last few weeks have been absolute hell. DD1 is 25 months and I am literally her least favourite (but also most needed/wanted?!) person! I get that part of it is the terrible two's but this has been quite extreme. She will get upset over anything and everything that I do- usually at her request!!! And it's continuous. Our entire morning is just a series of tantrums and meltdowns one after the other, very few calm moments, then she naps. She will wake up from her nap ok (I can hear her babbling and chatting to herself on the monitor) but as soon as I go into her room, it all begins again.

The tantrums are over things like me having a little lie down on the sofa, or suddenly changing her mind mid-bite about what she actually wanted for breakfast, or me not putting her socks/top/whatever on properly, or wanting me to be in a specific room in the house, or me not being able to carry her, and the biggest battle- nappy changes!!! As I said, I get a lot of this is normal, but it's the constancy that worries me. She's also recently become quite physical too- biting (she's teething also), pulling hair and kicking me during changes. Getting out of the house is actually a mission at the moment and being heavily pregnant, sometimes it's just easier to avoid the battle of getting dressed and out of the door and then the inevitable battle of not wanting to go back home- I physically can't handle her when she just writhes around on the floor/ground and doesn't want to leave somewhere. I still set limits and boundaries which inevitably upset her and trigger the tantrums, but it has to be done obviously.

She's fine with everyone else including DH and grandparents. Only I get to see this sunny side of DD :) Very rarely she will get a BIT like this with DH but nowhere near as intense as she is with me.

Lots of friends and family keep telling me it's because of the new baby on the way- has anyone experienced similar? Did it get worse once baby arrived? This isn't sustainable and my anxiety is through the roof about how I'll handle a newborn with all this going on. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

This sounds really tough, you must be shattered. It's likely to relate to the uncertainty of the new baby arriving. Have you done some time play with dolls about new babies to help her to understand what to expect, and reading through books too (keep reading them over and over). Within your role play act out the baby crying and what they like to feel better so she has an idea of what's happened.

My DS was 4 when baby arrived he struggled with it. My experience of being a mum again was so different and I felt like my focus was on my eldest. People say the second has to fit in and it's so true.

Where you can just ignore the tantrums, this is much easier at home. Teach her to dress herself if she wants to be independent. When there's a choice to make, give her 2 choices but both ones you are happy with, such as let's go and make breakfast together would you like cereal or toast. Would you like your milk in the blue cup or red cup type thing.

Have activity ideas ready in your head.. go to local playgroups- other parents will get what you're going through and will help too. And the most important thing is make sure you pull in on that support network to help you.