Kids parties & bringing siblings

[mammawho]

Just wanted others views on this really.

My eldest is 5 and if she's invited to a party then I will always message the Mum and ask if it's ok to bring her younger sister (nearly 3) if I dont have anyone to look after her.

A lot of the Mums I know come to the same parties and they bring the siblings along (again, similar age) without asking. My partner thought I was being really over the top asking and says to just take her along anyway.

Went to go to a party last weekend and I messaged to ask if my youngest could come and she basically said no. Turned up to the party and loads of the Mums had brought the younger kids along.

Do you normally message to ask or do you just turn up? Am I being OTT?

I personally think it's the height of rudeness to bring uninvited siblings to parties without asking. Parties are not cheap and it's really irritating and entitled when parents do this. The worst is those parents who bring siblings along to pay per head parties without checking or without paying for them to enter the venue. I also think is unfair for the birthday child to have unwanted younger siblings joining in with everything when they have specially selected people they want to be there.
Sometimes it's fine for them to come but you are being perfectly polite by asking. I ask if I'm really stuck for childcare but offer to pay and only as a last resort.

I think you’re being polite to ask.

If a public place I think you don’t need to ask. I would expect to entertain the sibling and have them not join in with the party/food/party bags etc. And pay for their own entry of course.

If it’s at someone’s house I wouldn’t even ask to bring them along. I would assume the host wouldn’t want extra bodies in their house.

And it would be hard to stop a sibling eating food/joining in etc if it was a hired hall or something. So would not bring them.

I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking that way!

I think it's rude too.

I've been to so many parties where there aren't enough chairs at the table for the kids to sit at and not enough food because everyone brings the siblings.

Depends if at someone’s house (in which case I wouldn’t ask), or a ‘pay per head’ (would ask and pay for sibling)

Why on earth would you not ask? It's so rude to rock up with someone who wasn't invited

This is one of those things that pisses me right off. You wouldn't rock up to any other occasion that was invitation only with extra people. You are doing the right thing in asking, but please don't expect food and party bags for the sibling, it is so rude when parents do that. If it's a pay place just pay for entry and then buy them food separately. If its a hall party then it is slightly different but wait until all actual invited people have got there food first.

Absolutely I would ask, or if there was no alternative with child care I would say I need to bring my other children if that was possible but I would have no expectations that they would ‘join in’ or need to be fed/paid for etc. it’s just courtesy to ask. If the answer is no then we don’t go 🤷🏻‍♀️

I definitely always ask. So rude not to!!

It's not ok in my view. I think if it's a pay per head, such as a soft play venue, then by all means bring your younger child but pay for them as if you were just visiting and same applies for food. A home party is a bit more difficult so I'd contact host and say you don't have childcare and maybe offer to bring extra food?

You must ask, imo. The worst I’ve had is someone who initially accepted just for the invited child, then the day before the party asked if (older) sibling could come along too, with the implication that it was both or neither. It was a party of about eight kids only!

I think babes in arms are fine (though I ask about mine too), but otherwise I try to avoid taking additional kids if at all possible. Parties are expensive!

I really, really despise this new trend of it's one for all. Admittedly now early 40's but never, ever, would there have been the assumption by my mother that they ask or come. Have had several parties where there have been extra adults and children to suddenly cater for, and it's the height or rudeness. The sibling is not invited, yet your be an utter arse to not allow them to join in. Here (in Aus) many people even make up extra party bags, on the assumption siblings will come so they don't feel left out. Sod that I'm afraid. I invite one guest, the child, and you can,pick them up in 2 hours......

I only take DS2 (5 months) unless it’s either on the invitation or the parent lets me know personally siblings are invited too .

Otherwise they stay with DH while invited child goes .

It’s rude if you ask and unbelievably rude to not ask.

Had a party last week and 7 extra siblings turned up. Luckily I had catered for them and done extra party bags because I had experience of this at my older dc party. I remember at her party I had so many extra dc who literally helped themselves that we ran out of food and cake and my poor dd, the birthday child, didn’t get any. So I make sure I cater for a few extra siblings now. I was still a bit shocked at having 7 extra last week though.

Catering for them perpetuates this issue though. As you did this the cheeky fuckers think it's fine to keep doing this. If people stood up and said sorry no party bags and no food as its only for invited guests then it would stop them doing it.

You cant bring the toddler unless its a total emergency

There's not enough room in your average village hall for 30 kids, plus a parent and sibling too

What about when family of four show up! That's really irritating

It might be annoying that other people just turned up with their other DC but at least you know you don’t have a rep for being “that” mum, and everyone will appreciate you having asked!

I often had this problem as DH would be working so I’d just politely ask, would it be ok to drop off, or if I needed to stay,
could younger DC stay too?

We had this at DS’s party - although I had said it was fine to drop off (kids were 6) Mum brought along twin younger siblings who were then first in the queue for a party bag while she tucked into the Prosecco! She didn’t check in advance despite having my number and before you ask she is not a single parent - Dad is on the scene. I appreciate he might have been working but in that case the polite thing to do, in order, is (1) drop the invited child off; (2) if that’s not possible because oldest can’t be left for whatever reason, ask in advance if it’s ok to bring siblings; and (3) if you are cheeky enough to bring them along without asking for fuck’s sake make them wait until the invited children have helped themselves to food, party bags etc. before diving in.

Interestingly she did the same at a couple of other parties in quick succession and the next class party invite clearly stated no siblings at all!

I had a whole family turn up for a laser tag party, and they wanted an older (uninvited) sibling to take part. Awkward moment and I was very unenthusiastic about it, eventually one parent took the older sibling home. It's just so rude, if my child had wanted them there they would have been invited. It's not as though the parent even asked in advance and I had seen them socially twice in the week before! Some people are just obnoxious selfish fuckers.

@OhhhhhhhhBiscuits your right. I really wanted to say no to the siblings but then you feel awful on the kids. It’s always the siblings that are grabby with the food etc