What have I done so wrong??

[Winterblu3s]

DD 2.4 has always been difficult. Cried and unsettled as a baby and never slept. She went through a stage if been lovely from about 18 months to 2.1 but slowly her behaviour is getting worse and worse.

She refuses to sleep and will just scream all night, she throws everything, breaks everything, draws on walls, won't listen to anything, won't eat food then demands snacks and literally screams all day to the point the neighbours have being complained (don't blame them having a screaming child all day and night). I can't distract her as she's crying to much so won't listen. I can't comfort her as she hits, bites, pinches me. I can't leave her to just scream as obviously this isn't fair on the neighbours.

I'm at the end of my tether. Me and DH are at breaking point as neither of us can cope any more. He's blaming me and I'm blaming myself.

Where have I gone so wrong that I'm such a terrible mother I can't control my child. I know it's just going to get worse as she gets older. I've literally just shut myself in my room and crying to myself. I'm unwell and went for a nap, DH made a cup of tea whilst she started drawing in the walls and DSD 9 sat and watched her. Apparently this is now all my fault, and to top it off the pen won't come off.

I know I'm a shit parent, but I don't know what to do about it.

Your DH is the shit parent if he's supposed to be watching her and she does it. No wonder you feel crap if he's blaming you. Your daughter has 2 parents, he needs to step up and parent her too.

Do you have a health visitor you could talk to? How's your DD's speech and understanding? Is she at nursery yet?

I do t have any advice on what you can do sadly but couldn't read and run.
Im not sure how this is your fault and don't believe you are a shit parent so please stop blaming yourself.
I don't think it's right your DH is blaming you either.
Hopefully someone will be along with some advice that can help you x

I've only ever seen a health visitor once at her 1 year review, so wouldn't know who to contact.

She goes to childminders and I'm told she's really well behaved there. So obviously something I'm doing.

You sound exhausted and you definitely need a break

Have you spoken to the gp about your mental health?

You are NOT a shit parent. Toddlers are difficult - some more so than others. I think it's worth contacting the health visitor in case there is something underlying, it's impossible to say just from a few posts (Google for their number).

Your DH is acting like an arsehole.

I came on to mumsnet tonight to write an almost identical thread about DS, exactly same age. Very unsettled baby, lovely phase from just over 1 to just over 2, but it’s like a switch has flicked and he’s become so so difficult over the last few months. Thank goodness he (currently) still eats and sleeps pretty well (although screams the house down if we try and get him to nap), but his defiance and how emotional he is is off the scale. I could say to him ‘DS, would you like to sit in front of the TV eating ice cream all day?’ (Obviously I don’t) and he’d still throw himself on the floor and scream ‘NOOOOOO’, because I’ve dared to suggest something. Basically, everything is a battle. He’s also good as gold at nursery, they have no developmental concerns and we are always being complemented on his behaviour. I’m also at a loss, but trying to rationalise that he’s a toddler and we’re his safe space. I really hope I’m not kidding myself…

@ApplePie20 it's nice yo know I'm not alone.DD the same no concerns with her development just head strong and always has been.
I'm trying to think this is just a phase but finding it so hard, especially when she draw on the walls yesterday and then point blank refuses to go to bed (my evening gone)
Has you DS got all his teeth yet? DDs due her last molars, I'm really hoping it could be that that's making her seem so miserable (clutching at straws)