Baby fever… how to get over it?

[AliceUK]

I already have 2 lovely kids, but I’m with a fairly new partner now and seeing how good he is with them is giving me serious baby fever, I think about it constantly. I have an IUD so it is very unlikely that I will become pregnant unless I have it removed, but every month when AF arrives I feel very down and disappointed that I’m not.

I’m not in a position to have more children, I’m in education and can’t afford to take a year out for many reasons but I also can’t do my course heavily pregnant or with a new baby, not to mention affording additional childcare for yet another young child. Throw the fact that my relationship is still fairly new into the mix (even though we’re very serious and sure about it) and it’s a no brainier that babies are off the cards right now, at least for a few years.

How can I get past this? Part of me wishes my contraception would just fail and I’d have to find a way to make it work with a new baby (which would spell disaster for my finances and my career but would ease my burning desire for another baby) but another part of me keeps trying to rationalise and tell myself to look forward to planning the next baby when the time is right.

How would you handle this? How can I get my brain to move past this? Baby fever is all consuming I’m a mess 😩

Baby fever is all well and good but babies aren't babies for long.

I had a deep desire for another, it passed eventually. It’s hormonal and perhaps, depending upon your age, your body wanting a last chance at a baby.

Thanks, I hope it passes for me too like it did with you. I’m still in my mid 20s so there’s still plenty of time left for more (fate allowing) and I think I’m just overly excited to go through the process again and enjoy it properly, as my children’s father was abusive and made pregnancy a very stressful time for me, but I know my new DP will treat me like his queen so I am particularly excited to go on this journey with him, but that’s for the future and I’m feeling deflated in the meantime

Does DP want to have kids (you didn’t mention he has them already). Given your age I’d wait - it might pass, or otherwise you could try in a few years once your circumstances would be better suited

@Lcb123 he doesn’t have his own yet and when we first dated he said he’d never thought about having children and assumed he probably never would, but since he’s spent more time with my two he’s started bringing it up fairly frequently with little remarks about what we could name a baby and things like that. There hasn’t been an official discussion about it because right now is clearly not the time for it, but from quite early on I told him I want another one in the future and he’s said he’s open to that. The other night he also said “I can’t believe you’re making me feel broody this has never happened before” so I think he’s feeling somewhat the same as me, just not to the same intensity. We just can’t right now, but I’m finding myself feeling quite down about it

I’m still in my mid 20s so there’s still plenty of time left for more

The way you worded your OP I expected you to be late 40s, and I suspect most of the replies assume the same!

If you're mid-20s, in education and unable to afford childcare then I'd leave it for now. You also mention that your relationship is new and you've come out of one that was abusive so I can understand why you're excited. But leave it a bit longer, until you've been with your new partner for a while and have finished your course. Time is on your side!