Todler whinging 24/7!!! What do I do.

[Nickinha]

hmmm - got a constraint violation message, let me try again. DD (19mths) is constantly whinging - her father gave her two HARD smacks this morning and yelled and swore at her - said she is an unpleasant baby to be around, it breaks my heart - he blames me and says it is because i am not strict enough with her. It makes me miserable - any adivce?

I have a 22 month-old child. At the risk of opening up the whole smacking debate - always a hot topic on MN - I would suggest that 19 months seems incredibly young to be hitting a child and that if this is happening often, it may well be the root of your child's unhappiness. It sounds to me as though you and your dp need to think hard about how you are dealing with her. My own view is that patience, lots of explanations to the child and a lot of tolerance work better than hitting. I am against hitting children at all, but you may well find that even those MNetters who are in favour of it would not hit such a young child.

I also feel that she is WAY to young, thats why I dont do it - just let her whinge away... But it is obviously upsetting her father. Thank the Good Lord he does not smack her often (hardly ever actually), I think this is why I am so upset by it.... Why do they whinge? Can a person stop it?

when she whinges put her out of the room, on the bottom step of the stairs if you like (that's our whinging / tantruming step cos you can find one wherever you are) .. say 'no whinging' firmly and ignore her

you are supposed to ignore them for a minute for each year they are old but TBH with DS when he was that young I would go back every ten seconds or so and say 'When you stop whinging you can come back'

the trick is consistency .. it won't get better immediately but will over time

I do believe in smacking but don't believe in this context it will do any good at all .. at this stage whinging can just be a sign of frustration at inability to communicate

Remove and ignore

HTH

Is she asking for anything in particular? It may be that she wants something but cannot tell you, or is even feeling unwell.

My ds whined non stop for 4 months when he was 9 months old. Turned out he had a chronic ear infection. I would double check that your toddler isn't suffering from anything that might cause her to be miserable. Failing that I would look at her routine from when she wakes up, naps, playtime, what you do with her etc. It could be that she is tired, doesnt have enough sleep, is bored, needs more stimulation etc. Without knowing more of a daily routine it is difficult to assess why the constant whining.

She just points straight ahead - I pick her up and walk with her so she can show me what she wants, but she says no to everything I point to. she also wants me to hold her all the time which is just not possible when you have DH and his daughters (13 + 16yrs old) expecting their food on the table! I like Twiglett´s idea, the only problem with this is everyone else in the house will moan at me if I leave her on the steps to scream... Bit of a catch 22

two things I try - say you can't understand unless they speak properly (still variable success at 3 !) and also try whinging back again - it stops them in their tracks