Is it ok to feel angry?

[angrsaurus]

Wondering if anyone else ever feels angry with their children? My baby is 3 months old and I sometimes feel angry with him when he's fussing. I know it's not his fault but I can't help it. It usually happens when I'm tired or hungry. I calm myself down quickly and feel really guilty afterwards but can't help it. Is it normal? Any tips on how to not feel angry?

Needless to say but I would never ever hurt him. I usually just put him down for a couple of mins, calm down and pick him back up. It scares me though that I get so angry with a little baby.

Yup! Very, very normal, it is utterly maddening to have whingey whiny noise going on 24/7 when you haven't had any sleep or a chance to eat.

I remember DH coming home from work one day when DD1 was tiny, and I handed him the baby and said "I need to be away from her for at least 2 hours, or I'm going to put her in the bin."

He made me a card with a picture of our baby in the bin for Mother's Day and we laugh about it now but at the time I was going out of my mind.

@MolliciousIntent this made me laugh as I also said similar things to my DH 🤣 However, I can't leave DS with anyone as he gets hysterical if I leave the room or anyone else picks him up. It's absolutely ridiculous.

His naps went all over the place for some reason, doesn't nap longer than 20 mins which leads to more crying as he's still tired. I'm absolutely exhausted and just want to sit down for an hour, alone, in a quiet room!

You absolutely can leave the room. You HAVE to. For your own sanity. Yes, he might get upset. But he's with his father, who loves him and will keep him safe. It's OK for him to be upset sometimes. It's OK for him to spend time without you, even if he doesn't like it.

He's a tiny baby, yes, but he is not the only person in your family and you deserve space and time and care just as much as he does.

OP this is very normal to feel and you shouldn't feel bad about it!!
I remember with my third, my exDH getting home and I kind of barked at him to take her NOW as I wanted to throw something and didn't want it to be the baby 😂
He didn't get the message at first but thankfully then realised I was at breaking point and whisked her away!!

Entirely normal. I've picked mine up when I've just put her down and was desperately hoping for a nap and felt absolutely furious. Because I'm sleep deprived and someone has been busy all night making sure I never get more than 90 minutes (on a bad day, 30 minutes) sleep in a block before they make the worst noise in the world. I'm human, and my emotions about this are anger. My rational brain knows she's just doing what babies do so of course I'd never act on the anger, but it's there.

@MolliciousIntent I do leave the room but I can't relax when he's screaming his lungs out. It's not just a cry, it's a scream like he's being tortured, he gets all red, sweaty and almost choking. I just can't relax heading this, and if I Kraft the house I wouldn't be able to relax either knowing he's screaming like this. He calms down instantly when I hold him so I just give in and do that. He might still be fussy but it's nowhere near as bad as when someone else holds him. And regardless, DH is at work during the week, leaves the house at 7am and comes back closer to 7pm when it's baby bedtime anyway..

@Caminante thank you, it helps knowing that it's not just me who feels like this sometimes. I never thought that being a parent would be so hard, DS is very clingy and doesn't like being put down. And then literally all other babies I know are nothing like this.. Other ladies in my NCT group bath about how their babies nap in their cots for hours. I get a 20 min contact nap if I'm lucky..

Sorry for all the autocorrect typos.. 🤦‍♀️ should've proofread before hitting Post!

@110APiccadilly that's exactly how I feel, the anger is there but I wouldn't ever act on it. I do swear sometimes though.. well quite often actually. 🙊

Perfectly normal. And babies don't like being away from their mums that much. It's kind of a compliment in a weird way. You make him feel so safe when you are near that he finds it hard to feel safe away from you.

I have been known to resort to pleading.

In case anyone's wondering, saying, "Come on, come on, please, mummy really needs sleep," doesn't work very well on a three month old.

OP, I just want to say that I could have written your post word for word and I wanted you to know that you aren’t alone feeling like this at all.

I think people expect mothers to be selfless and nurturing all the time and in my experience that is just not possible. Anyone home alone with a fussy baby all day will undoubtedly lose patience and need a couple of minutes to calm down frequently (my DH is gone 13 hours a day).
Everything is so much worse when your own basic needs aren’t being met- nothing worse than a squirmy, fussy baby who demands to be fed but won’t feed and you’re desperate for the loo, hungry, tired and thirsty all at the same time!

My DS is nearly 5 months now and in the past few weeks I have seen a big improvement with letting others hold him without getting off-the-scale upset until he goes back to me, so hope is there!