Toddler fussy eater

[Mouscadoo]

My daughter is 2 years and 8 months. Overtime she has become increasingly picky with her food. I've read so much varying advice that I don't know what to do at this point. She doesn't eat any meat at all, mostly all carbs and fruit. I will give her the same dinner as we have but she generally will not touch it at all.
Lunch will usually be something picky, crackers, Hummus, Cucumber, toast and jam, a croissant, yoghurt, banana. She will eat oranges, Strawberries, banana. Won't eat sandwiches.

For dinner I will typically make spaghetti bolognese, noodle stir fry, fish..etc. She won't touch it. Any advice on what to do? What do you do when they refuse dinner? Really struggling and worry about her having low iron levels as a result of her diet.

Do you give vitamins? I wouldn't worry about iron levels if you do. My child eats bugger all and he's been referred to a dietician. He's also vegetarian.

I've been told to try messy food play. Also, try to make mealtimes as relaxed as possible. Put at least one thing you know she'll eat on the plate and then put it down without comment. No cajoling or praise - just give her time and space to eat it. If she doesn't eat within 30 mins, take the plate away without comment. No snacks between meals. ☹️

Also make sure you eat meals at the table together.
I've also read suggestions of playing music at dinner - anything to make the atmosphere as light and relaxing as possible.

Ps - none of this has worked for my nearly 3 year old.

Thanks for the tips @Albgo. I don't give her vitamins, Ive tried before chewy and liquid ones and she would not take them! Cah i ask what you use? She is quite strong willed (I was the same as a child so i can't complain). I don't put any pressure on her generally but my partner does sometimes. We do have some bad habits though, not eating at table together.

I try not to give too many snacks but sometimes I just want to make sure she's not hungry so like if she hasn't eaten her dinner I will give her toast before bed so that's she not hungry. Not sure if i should be doing this or not. Just wish she would try more foods it's a bit disappointing as i actually like to cook usually but it's hard to see the point!

It's so hard, isn't it. If the dietician tells me anything amazing in January I'll let you know!

I mix liquid vitamins into his treat drink of squash to hide the taste!

I have a spectacularly fussy child, so I share your pain.

If she still drinks milk, toddler formula has vitamins added. It was the only way we could get vitamins into DD (who didn't eat any form of sauce or drink anything except milk/water, so hiding places were limited)

I squirt the liquid vitamins into his mouth with a Calpol syringe and he knows that he gets juice after.

You're not supposed to do this, and you're not supposed to let them have juice, but after 3 years of battles I've determined my own balancing act of competing health demands. He needs iron because he doesn't eat much protein at all and he has juice because he doesn't take in enough liquids and there was concern about his kidneys (I think?) as a result.

I feel a bit broken by it all to be honest. There have been some improvements since he started nursery, he does eat better there. At home none of the recommendations seem to make much of a difference (eating together, cooking together). He hates messy play and wipes his hands with a cloth between bites of buttered toast because he doesn't like the feel of the butter. The whole "they won't let themselves starve" argument also doesn't seem to work here, as I think he genuinely would! He can't seem to connect the fact that he is feeling awful to the fact he's refusing food.

So he has very bland repetitive meals, mainly carbs, and is somehow the tallest in his nursery group with lots of energy. After a lot of angst I've pretty much stepped back over the past year as it felt like we were having battles that were horrific for all involved.

@Merrow I feel your pain. My boy hates any kind of dirt or mess on him. Leads to meltdowns.

I do messy food play, but with spoons! It's a step.

My friend's almost 3yo is very hit and miss on food. Sometimes he will eat the world, other times he barely eats anything. The most exciting food is food someone else is eating - "can I have a bite of your dinner" is often heard. He wouldn't eat stir fry if a plate of it was offered to him, but he will ask for a forkful of it from mummy's plate and happily eat it!

He sometimes refuses his meal, asks for dessert, eats that and then goes back to his meal and eats some of that. He can be offered a croquette cut into pieces and screams murder - but offer him one whole 'to eat like a biscuit' and he's thrilled. She used to cut the skin off a sausage for him as he wasn't good with some textures and gags easily. Then he's tried the separate skin and declared he loves that as the best bit, asks for it specifically. Toddlers are irrational and won't behave the same way twice.

Letting him make his own food is something they've tried - so DIY wraps, a mini wrap and some ham, grated cheese, cucumber, olives, etc for him to put together. He doesn't always eat it but sometimes gets some in him. Making smiley faces out of food? Calling broccoli mini trees, etc - old school ways of making it fun and appealing.

@Merrow my daughter is the same about her hands, will run in to the kitchen and get a cloth to wipe them! Maybe it's a sensory thing.

I just find it hard to be consistent when one day she will eat this thing and the next day she won't touch it. But mainly its the lack of protein and too much sugar in her diet that I'm worried about. I've checked her weight and height and she is pretty much where she should be. Her hair is very thin though aswell and wonder is that connected.

I will give the vitamins a go again. I think that it is partly just her exerting control which I suppose is normal. Maybe she will grow out of it.

@givemushypeasachance I have been recently getting her more involved in cooking. She cut up brocolli for me yesterday, she even wanted to taste it raw but wouldn't touch it when it was given to her for dinner.

Few things that will help -
Eat at table together as much as you can
Serve a safe food alongside food you don't think she will eat ie toast with noodle stir fry on the side
Serve 'dessert' at the same (if at all) so that it's not seen as a reward - so her plate for example may look like a triangle of toast / noodle stir fry and a strawberry.
Keep conversation away from food - no well done / no please try it etc. no praise or encouragement- just keep it neutral as long as you've provided some safe food
Keep exposure to things she doesn't like yet - some kids need a super high volume of exposure before they'll touch a food let alone try it
Low pressure snacks are an opportunity to try new foods - so raw peppers placed near her whilst she's playing May interest her in a lower pressure environment than when she sits down formally at dinner time
If you want to discuss the food keep it descriptive- oh wow DH aren't these peas so greeen today

Would she maybe go for small pieces of protein separately, like cubes of cheese/ham/ chopped up sausage/plain white beans? Sauces can be overwhelming for some kids (ask me how I know…).