I cant get to sleep, im winding myself up over stupid things and im hoping if i unload it all here i might get a sleep.
Also I realise I probably sound a brat - don't come for me im not horrible just a bit tired this week and having a moan to strangers on the Internet.
My LO is 5 month old and still waking through the night, which I know is normal. My difficulty is it's wearing me down and I know there will be those out there who say well tou had a baby this comes with the territory. But I'm just so exhausted. My partner wears hearing aids but doesn't want to use any gadgets for the hearing impaired that might make helping me at night easier. Ie he can't always sleep with his hearing aids in because it hurts his ears, but he wontget any kind of vibrating or light up device that actives if baby cries. So in order for him To help out on the night, I need to wake up and wake him up then try to get him to help baby while he groggily fumbles around for his hearing aids. By the time I've done that in wide awake and might as well just sort baby myself so I usually do. Tonight i fed, changed and winded baby and srttled her back down in her crib but she has decided she likes to sleep on her tummy. It takes her a bit of wriggling to get comfy and she was gettig frustrated and shouting but nothing i did seemed to help her. I tried waking my partner and he kept pulling the covers over his head. Eventually he woke up but wiuldnt put his hearing aid in so i ended up texting him that i needed help. He saw that, put his hearing aids in and then just went "what? Shes a baby what do you want me to do i cant make her sleep, just lie down she"ll settle when shes comfy". A nice option if you cant hear her yells of frustration but i can and i always feel guilty just leaving her when shes upset. Plus it stresses me out and i cant settle.
plus, my doing most of the night wakings means on a good night I get about 5 or 6 hours broken sleep and on a bad night I dont even want to face how little hours sleep I get. I got so wound up about the lack of support tonight that eventually my partner gave baby a bottle and srttled her to sleep and im so agitated and overited that shes been asleep nearly 2 hours and ive wasted that rest time because i cant switch off. So now im sitti g here thinking theres no point sleeping now because she will wake up soon and it's my turn to deal with it. I know that's really stupid and my own fault but it makes me feel anxious to think ill be woken out a sleep just as I'm getting comfortable so even when I try i cant relax.
My parents live quite far away but they visit once a month and stay with us. They're really easy house guests and in fact my mum will help with the cooking and my dad will do some laundry while they're here which is a massive help. However, not to sound ungrateful because I'm really so appreciative of their help, but I really just need sleep over clean towels and breakfast. They would happily watch my LO while I popped upstairs for a nap but they seem permanently confused over how to make up a bottle should she need one, and they completely disregard the notion of settling her for a nap when she gets tired. If she fusses they get flustered and I need to come back down. Eg I went for a quick shower I deliberately made sure it was a super quick shower so I'd have time to properly dry my hair. As I was getting dressed the baby was having a bit of a yell - not crying I could tell she was just bored and needed her activity switched out. But my dad kept saying to her very loudly from the sitting room doorway "oh yes mummy is out the shower yes yes mummy is coming now". So I ended up leaving my hair in a towel going down swapping baby onto a new activity at which point my dad said he was tired and he went for a nap.
Then later on I had to pop out for an appointment and they were keeping an eye on baby while I was out. I fed her before I left and told them she would need a nap in around 20 minutes but if she yawned, was rubbing her eyes or started getting grumpy before then to just pop her down for a nap at the first sign she was tired. I was ushered out the door with comments like "uhuh we know we raised you" and "don't worry we are well versed we know what we are doing you don't need to tell us". Anyway, I came back from my appointment about 40 minutes after I left and baby was awake and very unsettled. My parents had her sensory toys out and were trying to play with her. When I walked in they went "oh dear, she's been awfully unsettled I think she missed mummy". When I asked about her nap they went " oh we don't see her often and she seemed quite happy, she doesn't want a nap". She did want a nap but by the time I got her settled she was so overtired she couldn't connect her sleep cycles and woke up after about 40 minutes - still knackered and grumpy.
Anyways, that was a stream of the off the top of my head ramblings. If you've persevered trying to read this and made it to the end then eh - hopefully I'm off to sleep now and I hope you have a nice, relaxing evening/morning/afternoon. If you too are tired to the point of despair, hang in there, I'm sure there's light at the end of the tunnel, even if we can't quite see it yet!