Tell the best bits about having an only child, really struggling tonight.

[LillyLeaf]

We went through ivf and had miscarriages before we had DS, I feel beyond lucky to have him, I really thought it would never happen for us. We don't want/can't afford more ivf, I don't want more miscarriages, they are brutal and I'm trying to be at peace with 'just' my little miracle and be content with one child. I did always hope we would have 2 though. Most of the time I can convince myself I'm OK with this. But tonight at nursery pickup I was bombarded with newborns in slings and pregnant women rubbing their bumps and have come home feeling like utter shit. It just feels so unfair. Infertility will never leave me.

Please can anyone tell me and remind me how amazing it is to have one child. Thanks.

I love having just one child. If allows me to have a full fledged career and still spend tons of quality time with her, while not losing my identity or being completely exhausted.

I can take her on holiday together just her and me - amazing!

I can afford to treat her and give her meaningful stuff (like real educational opportunities) that I couldn't possibly afford for two.

I don't feel torn in multiple directions emotionally....

She knows she is and will always be the most important person in the world to me.

I couldn't be happier, and she loves it too!

I have one dd, a teen now,
she was through IVF - I cried many, many tears longing for another but it wasn’t to be …

however, in the years since, as she has grown up, my relationship with her is amazing - most of the time - teenage tantrums and drama aside ….. she’s benefitted from having undivided attention, most of the extracurricular stuff, school trips, holidays that we couldn’t have done if we had the cost of more kids -
her friends like coming to ours, she’s not so keen about going to others
I still feel sad that I never got to fulfil the desire ti have more than one,
but it doesn’t hurt anymore and many times I see how amazing it is to have my one x

There are 7 years between mine and I really thought she would be the only one

my nephew is one of one

first no guilt
no having to spend x on one and x on the other
no jealousy
no arguments - if you don’t engage no arguments

board games can be age appropriate - really difficult for a 15 and 8 year old to play any games - physically or mentally

lots of friends can come over
you can concentrate on their things they like eg Horseriding
only one child for drop off and pick up

my eldest developed far quicker and very chatty

get that dog you have always wanted

once out of nappies - get rid of the potty no need to keep it etc

I'm one of 4 and almost never got one on one time with my parents - still don't! I can't even go around to my parents for a sneaky Sunday roast alone without one of my siblings getting wind and gate crashing.

Your DS will have amazing memories and you will get to experience all of that precious time with him with no distractions.

From a slightly different perspective, I am an only child.
I never felt different as a child. I was loved by my parents equally. They always supported me with anything and everything. Throughout school they coached me, helped me with homework if I struggled, read over my assignments and gave feedback. I got the grades I needed for my career choice.
I didnt go without but wasnt spoilt. I learnt to play independantly and became confident. I had plenty of friends and was always invited to theirs for play dates etc.
I loved school holidays as we always had day trips as a family of 3 and it was lovely.
I honestly did not miss out on anything as a child.

The only thing i have personally found hard is when my father fell ill and passed away. Supporting him and my mum through ill health was hard.
Now I have a child of my own I dont feel I can support mum as much but I do the best I can. Sometimes I find it hard as I cant share the load with someone else but it is what it is.

I wouldnt change my life for the world.

You can focus on your career or your business. I knew I couldn't do the job I do with more than one child.
Once they start going out then you have child free time!
My DS is more mature than kids his age- we have great conversations and can support his interests and hobbies.

I chose to only have one child due to being the main income earner plus not not feeling particularly “clucky”. I am much happier with toddlers up as opposed to little babies. I was one of four but didn’t feel I missed out on anything because of family size. My daughter in now 30, qualifies as a civil engineer and has two girls under 5 and is talking about trying for number 3 later in 2023. As her father died 3 years ago and I have a life limiting illness, I can see that she will lose those close connections with my side of the family who live elsewhere (across Australia and NZ). Her MIL is an absolute treasure although was a SAHM so doesn’t always understand the tension between parenting and maintaining a profession in a job that uses a brain.

I'm an adult only child and there are many benefits.

I had a relaxed, calm childhood, my stuff was always looked after, no arguments.

My parents were never "tired" of parenting

Yearly holidays to Disney Florida and lots of material things (they don't matter but a nice bonus) I went to a private school so had extra opportunities. They never pinned all their hopes & dreams on me so I've always been able to do my own thing

Now I'm older I have a DS (their only grandson) and they are always on hand and willing to babysit.

I don't know if I'll have another yet im not sure. Im also an IVF mum

I had to have IVF too. I was praying for twins, but we have 1 amazing, gorgeous son. So many pros, I can focus totally on him, there's no bickering and fighting to deal with all the time, no sibling-rivalry - he knows he is our everything and is happy and confident, we can afford more (nice holidays, private school etc), we don't need a bigger house. I feel sad sometimes too (especially when he says he wishes he had a sister or brother) but then we'll go to a friend's house with 2 of them scrapping and fighting and it makes me realise it's OK having one!

I did want 2 originally but just have ds who's 18 now. I wouldn't change a thing. He is and always was my heart's desire and the best thing that ever happened to me. No conflict, no balancing act, no struggle.

I'm also gritting my teeth rn because my sister and I are having a significant difference of opinion, and conflict between us drives me crazy. I'm glad I don't have to negotiate that as a parent.

I am an only child and had an amazing childhood - really close to my parents but I also had lots of close friends and my mum made sure I was always doing stuff with friends. Went on great holidays, lived in a beautiful house etc. Was lucky enough to be given a helping hand when I bought my first property which would have been halved was I a sibling.
whenever people asked my mum if she wanted more I remember her saying “when you get it right first time you don’t need another”’or something to that affect 🤣 so it very much felt like she only wanted one (though I don’t know if that’s actually the case??)
my friend who has struggled for a second really projects sympathy to her first born about not having a sibling and constantly tells people what an amazing older brother he’d be etc etc and in turn he’s always asking for a sibling - I would just try and avoid anything like this

Another ivf mum here. I know how you feel. I felt like that for a while but it soon passed once I realised the benefits of 1. When dc was 4 I was lucky enough to get a funded doctorate place on a highly competitive course which meant some travel. Dh was easily able to take on the bulk of child arrangements during that time- impossible with 2 due to no family help at that time and the cost of childcare.

Dc is 11 now and we have a wonderful life. Both of us have been able to progress with careers, we're mortgage free, have no money worries, dc has an active social life with lots of hobbies. We've travelled since she was a baby and it was always easy (she was an easy baby tbf). She now will say she's glad she doesn't have siblings. Her friends love coming here as it's calm and there's no siblings to consider. She's the apple of our eye- but not spoilt. She's the most caring and sharing child. She has cousins around her who she's very close to. Like another posted said getting babysitter is easy and when she has sleepovers/ school residential etc dh and I get free time. It's fab!

We're super close as a family of 3.

My firstborn was an only child for 6 years. In that time we were careful not to spoil her but she had all our attention and resources. We could focus on her education and hobbies. Days out were to places perfect for her age and abilities. We both worked full time but had time for her, our jobs, my hobby and the house was orderly. We had enough space and storage and she could have her toys out in the lounge. We went places as a 3. She is top of her class and very social. She's 7 now. I worry that with two we no longer give her enough time or have enough patience. With the big age gap we often split into two groups of 2 for activities. One of my best friends has just 1 son and she loves it. A handful of the kids in my oldest's class are only children.

We are in a similar boat, and now DS is nearly 6 and I am in my 40s I have come to terms with being a family of three. It is hard.

But: no sibling squabbles (this honestly seems like a major win listening to my friends with two primary-aged kids).

DS gets to do any and all activities he likes - no issues with clashes and having to compromise, no major financial constraints.

Basically he hardly ever needs to compromise on anything - if he wants to go to the park we can, if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to. No keeping siblings entertained or dragging him out to Barbie World for a sibling’s benefit (obviously he has to compromise for our needs/work/school etc, but family time can be led by him). Huge amounts of 1:1 parental attention, help with school work, enrichment activities.

No siblings annoying him and his friends on play dates.

We only need one room on holiday (most hotels will do an extra bed or 3 bedded family room, not many can accommodate 4 beds).

It’s fine for one parent to have some alone time/go out for the day as one parent can easily manage one child. Leaving one parent with two kids is a much bigger ask.

Bedtimes and bathtimes are fine. No queues, no winding each other up, no fighting over which parent reads whose story tonight. Just calm bath and bed.

We’ll be able to support him at Uni in a way we couldn’t afford to support two. He’ll also eventually hopefully inherit quite well.

No favourites.

Much less of the need for parents to 'divide and rule' over every small thing, including unscheduled doctor or A&E visits where needs and urgency have to be balanced.

The reality of how expensive and demanding it is when more than one child is in the frame, can only be properly understood if that family group occurs - like the shift of going from 0 to 1 child. After a year or 2 with one, you will have a handle on it, though not exactly an accurate forecast for 16 years plus.

It depends on the personalities, but family negotiations seem to be easier and calmer with 1 child.

Once your child is a bit older, you will also love the many faces of those life stages and realise that it is nice to interact and play with babies, but with the hormonal wrench lessened and the ability to pass them back to their families without having to give 24-7.

But: no sibling squabbles (this honestly seems like a major win listening to my friends with two primary-aged kids).

Too true!

I have been feeling similar OP - we have one and I am jealous at friends who have another without either fertility or money issues stopping them.

But overall we are happy with one. We know we can now give her so many more opportunities than if we were then halving the money and time with another child. She can pursue hobbies, activities, clubs. We can afford to travel long distance. We will rarely be too tired to spend time with her or help her with studies as we will have more time to also spend on ourselves.

I think it will also make us push ourselves more socially - there isn't a sibling to default be there as a playmate. We will instead be ensuring she is exposed to more social activities which is also better for us and hopefully mean we make friends too.

Someone once said on here that you should look at it like this - a second child literally takes away resource from the first.

Close relationship with only child DD. Your only DC will probably do better academically than those with siblings, too.
DD is very emotionally intelligent, confident and articulate. I believe that’s from being an only child. She also has quite a few close friends and is sociable, thoughtful and kind.

I always wanted 2 children but only have 1 due to struggling with PND, and 6 years later still struggling with depression and anxiety. From a financial point of view, I can treat her to days out , experiences, etc that I probably couldn't afford if I had to pay for more than one child. I don't have to split my time/energy/focus between more than one child. This is a more personal one as my anxiety is triggered by her being ill - if she gets ill, she may pass it on to me, but there's no worry of it being passed through lots of children.

Having an only child is becoming more common. People are really starting to realise the benefits now, especially financially.
The problem I had as a child was that it was 'normal' to have siblings, so it felt strange to meet someone who was an only child.

There seems to be this expectation to have more, when really there are a huge amount of benefits to having one, as seen above. People are finally starting to realise this and shaking off the ridiculous stigmas attached to only children which are rarely true.