How can I be more patient with my toddlers?

[HateWhatIveBecome]

I feel like an absolute piece of shit.

My twins are 2-and-a-half and have been going through a really awful phase for the last few months. It just feels absolutely relentless - the fighting, the tantrums, and poor sleep which isn't helping. I am a SAHM with little support, and we cannot afford childcare for both as I couldn't earn anywhere near enough to balance it out. DH is a decent earner and we need his salary, he's a good dad and husband but can't always be there.

Anyway this morning we had a doctors appointment. The twins had a few toys out beforehand, and I asked if they could please pack them away while I brushed my teeth. Came downstairs a couple of minutes later and they had absolutely trashed the living room, and thought it was hilarious. I know that this is what 2 year olds do, but I totally lost it and said some awful things to them. FWIW they did not care, they just carried on laughing, but that's not the point.

Once I'd calmed down I realised that I really have no patience with them anymore. I am always snapping at them and they don't deserve it. I try so hard to be compassionate, to remember that they're just toddlers finding their way in the world and pushing every boundary they can. But I have just had enough. And it's not their fault. How can I start being a better mum?

Anyone? 😞

Eek, sounds full on. No advice sorry, except for what I had on repeat in my head when mine were small “it’s all just a phase, they will outgrow it”. Hugs

That sounds incredibly tough.
Could you put a barrier up so that they have a specific limited play area and cannot trash the room? Or could you afford to get a teenager to come in for a couple of hours a week to help so that you can catch up on sleep / housework whilst they’re being watched?

It might be worth working part time even if it just about covers the childcare bill - childminders are a lot cheaper than nursery.

They're just being normal toddlers but it's x 2. I'm not surprised you're worn out.

I think you should get free hours once they turn 3. So that should help.

Stop with the verbal commands and do more of the grey rock with their ‘disappointing’ behaviour - anything they’re doing that you don’t like you physically remove them with stern face and no eye contact. When they behave well it’s sunny smiles with kisses and praise. They soon learn which behaviour brings them the more rewarding parental response.

Thank you all so much, it's just nice to get it off my chest really. I will definitely try that approach @UWhatNow , sounds like it could be quite effective. Thank you x