Good afternoon :)
I am new on here and have never posted so please accept my apology if this is the wrong thread but I’m struggling to find a new post link.
i just need some advise regarding my ex who I have a 2 1/2 year boy old with ( I am male btw)
so me and my partner split up when my child was 6/7 months, for the first 10 months after moving out I went down every night after work till about 11pm to help with things.
also paid rent for the first 11 months then Money went down and I’m still paying well over what I should be, I would go down at all hours of the night if I was needed and my ex was struggling through the night.
my partner also dropped my child to my work during the week on my lunch and I walked him to nursery 2/3 times a week. Which eventually I had to stop as my work started getting a bit funny about me leaving 2 / 3 times a week.
i have had my child every weekend Friday -till Sunday evening without fail since he was born also once a weekday on a Tuesday till about 7:30/8ish. Which I cannot complain about as I love spending time with my child as I don’t live with him, this isn’t my problem and I would still love to live with him but you will realise why I can’t further down the post.
the problem I have is the contact with my ex partner and how I feel anything I do or so is wrong,
I couldn’t pick my child up the right way without being told “ oh no not that way “
or when I used to get home from work I’d say I’m just having a quick shower I would then get a reply of …
” why should you get to shower when I haven’t had one all day I’ve had a child to look after “
my ex constantly watches “ advice videos on Instagram or TIK TOCK and how to talk your child and how to raise them”
For example if I say “ you love your food don’t you “ to my boy.
my ex partner will then say to me “ oh don’t say that because it might put him off his food “
or if I say “ come on … let’s put your pj’s on now “
my ex will reply “ no don’t mention PJ’s or night time because he won’t do it , you have to say “ I’m here ready for you when ever you want to put your pj’s on “
i work 5 days a week full time, even if I am ill and I mention this the day I am due to have my son I will get a message back “ your still having your son even if your ill because I’ve had too when I’m ill so you can too “
my ex works 2 1/2 days a week and on those days the boy is at nursery for.
i get phone calls at work “ can you take tomorrow off , or can you leave work now and have your son cos he’s ill “
over the past 2 years I’ve counted 25 times or more I’ve had a phone call or a text on the day my boy is due to go back home on the Sunday saying
“ can you have him an extra night and take him to nursery tomorrow I’m knackered “
or
“ can he stay with you again tonight because I’m tired and got loads to do here “
but as soon as I say, I’ve been invited to a party Friday I get shot down and my ex will say “ no I’ve planned something and it’s the weekend and your time with him “
or I will be told I’ll have to have him on the Sunday night too because I’m not seeing him on the Friday.
even if I suggest popping round to see him for an hour I will be told no because it would be confusing for him if I just popped in on a day I don’t usually see him.
anything I do, is wrong or I have to make up for it if I don’t see him.
If I suggest 6 o’clock on a Sunday I will receive a text at 5 saying oh can it be 7 tonight instead I’ve got loads to do.
i have apologised for maybe being loveless and could have shown more affection but I just felt so drained by it all But my ex partner just doesn’t apologise or see she is doing or done anything wrong and makes me constantly feel bad.
Is this controlling behaviour? Lots of family members mine and her family have said it’s a sign of it yes definitely and her dad also said she has always had to have it her way and will never admit wrong doing.
has anyone ever been in a similar situation or any advice you could send my way that would be really really helpful.
Thanks in advance