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Parenting

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Original poster

Could do with some reassurance from other mnetters whose dc's were toilet trained latet than average

23 replies

Overrun · 29/01/2008 17:15

Or is 3 years and 3 months later than average? All my rl friends children got the hang of it before this.
I have dts, the current situation is that dt1 is mostly okay with wees, can tell me if he needs to go etc. He does have occasional accidents, but fair enough, he gets distracted, wee accidents are, well a piece of p%$** to clear up as opposed to the other.
Am I right in assuming that the signals for telling him when he needs to pooh are different from when he needs to wee? He keeps having accidents and then has a habbit of taking every off in an attempt to sort himself out. This didn't go down well at his nursery today. But surely this demonstrates an awareness of being unclean? As before he would not tell me and just happily keep playing with a little package in his pants
As for dt2, he doesn't seem to be ready at all, and besides I can't face it until dt1 is more consistent.
Any advice, reassurance comraderie would be appreiciated

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docket · 29/01/2008 17:17

Oooh, I'll watch this one with interest, my ds is 3.3 and nowhere near getting the hang of it!

Rantmum · 29/01/2008 17:21

My ds (3 last week) is a very slow potty trainer - he has mainly got the hang of peeing in the potty (although we still have at least one accident a day) and he is working on poos - just when I think he has mastered going on the potty he plonks one in his pants and keeps on playing. No advice - just wanted to mention that you are definitely not alone. I keep hearing about kids who were "potty trained in a week " and I reflect on our months of struggle with this (even though he seemed ready and willing in the beginning) and think I must be doing something wrong. However, I really think that it is down to individual children's temperaments.

Buda · 29/01/2008 17:21

My DS was 2.10 - didn't even try before then.

DSis1 - her DS was 3.9 before he would even consent to try. Then his comment having done his first wee on potty was "wow that wasn't even hard!" Still only wees though - poos in a nappy - will be 4 in 3 weeks.

DSis2 - her DS was 3.3. Happened fairly quickly once he was ready.

I think they are all different. It is a bit late but I bet they will get it before they leave home!

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OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 17:25

DS#1 was 2.3 when we bowed to received wisdom and tried to potty train. Nightmare. Took ages.Very stressful.

DD was 3. DS#2 was nearly 3.5. And it was done virtually overnight. I think that between them both we have had less than 10 accidents over the years.

FrannyandZooey · 29/01/2008 17:26

yes a bit later than average, but that is what average means, there will be children at both ends of the time scale

FrannyandZooey · 29/01/2008 17:28

oh hello Overrun! I only skimmed thread and didn't see it was you, lovely to bump into you

would you be at all bothered about this if other people were not making comments or judgements about it? Do you actually think there's something wrong, or are other people just making you feel a bit agitated about it?

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 17:30

And FWIW I did get a bit angsty over my younger 2 because of what other people did/said. But in the end it was totally the right thing to do.

docket · 29/01/2008 17:31

It's such a shame and so unhelpful when people make comments about it, I wouldn't be half as bothered if they didn't. My MIL remarked that my ds wasn't potty trained yet because of 'lazy parenting'!

Original poster

Overrun · 29/01/2008 17:31

Thanks for posting every one. MY rl friends who inccidently have been totally supportive and non judgemental about this, all potty trained little darlings in a week. Very strange.
I keep saying to myself that all children are different, but I would so love not cleaning out pooey pants and the rest. On Sunday he did a pooh in his pants when we were upstairs, he took his pants and trousers off and moved into the kitchen leaving a trail of pooh behind him. We think he was trying to put the pants in the utility room in the laundry basket.But the kitchen door was shut so he tried to squeeze them underneath The whole house smelled vile for hours afterwards despite our best cleaning efforts
His nursery told me that if he did that again, he might not be able to come back for health and safety reasons. I feel under pressure again to get it sorted, but if he is not ready he is not ready. I have told him if he has an accident to tell me or a teacher, not try and deal with it on his own...

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Pannacotta · 29/01/2008 17:33

My DS1 is 3.1 and nowhere near potty trained, he will sit on the potty - mainly at nursery not at home - but will not wee or poo on it.
Am trying my hardest not to worry about it, though we too get some comments from nursery/playgroup etc.
Cant really help you but wanted to let you know there are plenty of late potty trainers around.........

Original poster

Overrun · 29/01/2008 17:34

HI all, hi F&Z, I think I have a bit of a tendency to think "oh they are not doing this or that, is it something I am doing wrong", so some of the pressure comes from me, and hopefully I suceed in not passing that on to them.
Its more that I am just tired of having to go the the nursery to change them or in this case clean up. I have been changing nappies since 07.02.03 so it is beginnning to lose its novelty factor

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 29/01/2008 17:55

Not sure if I have understood this right but are you saying your nursery asks you to go in and change nappies?? Surely not.

FrannyandZooey · 29/01/2008 18:22

unbelievable isn't it Pannacotta

I don't blame you ata ll for wanting to get them trained Overrun. I don't think you are doing anything wrong either.

Pannacotta · 29/01/2008 18:44

Isnt this against Ofsted regs though, thought they had to change nappies, to fail to would be discriminating aginst the children who are not potty trained?
(Presuming the nursery is registered Ofsted of course.)

SnappyLaGore · 29/01/2008 18:47

dss was about 5 i think. had stubbornly refused to entertain notion till everyone stopped hassling him and he could decide to in his own good time. and when he did, he never had an accident again afaik.

dramaqueen · 29/01/2008 18:48

3 yrs 9 months here for my ds and then he did it in a couple of days, though we had to force the nappy off and the pants on. he is only just dry at night now, age 6.9.

He seems to be in the lazy school of toileting - a nappy was so much easier because he didn't have to stop what he was doing.

NorthernLurker · 29/01/2008 18:52

dd1 was 3 years 6 months - but when she did it she did it in a day, no accidents and dry at night very shortly afterwards. Up to that magic day she had never done anythinng in a potty or loo - never, not once - the girl has an iron bladder it turns out dd2 was the more traditional 2yrs 6 mths ish - but wasn't dry at night for an absolute age

Yaddayah · 29/01/2008 18:56

dd was 3.5 and after me trying at 18 months (yeah yeah I know) 2 yrs (blame MIL pressure) I tried again at 2.5 then just left it.

Wait a year and :

Her best friend at pre school had been boasting about her new barbie knickers.. she was dry the next day .. IIRC we had one accident about a week later apart from that totally "trained" (including nightime)

scorpio1 · 29/01/2008 19:00

my 3.3ds is still in nappies - am going to 'do' him soon as he is now showing signs.was going to do it just before xmas but he got threadworms so am waiting for that to clear up first.

ds1 wasnt ready for ages and wasnt properly dry until nearly 5 but he is under assessment for possible dyspraxia at the mo, so i guess that may explain his late developmental milestones, including potty training. he has the occasional accident still.

dont worry, they wont go to school in a nappy! ignore others, there is always someone who thinks they know best.

bran · 29/01/2008 19:13

DS took ages to potty train. We started at Easter last year, when he was about 2.10, and he finally got the hang of it in around October/November.

The pivotal moment for us was when he learnt to recognise the urge to poo. I think up to then he just didn't realise that he needed to until it was already making an appearance in his pants. One day he said "Mummy, my tummy hurts, I need some medicine" and I told him that the feeling was his body telling him he needed to poo. Off he went to the loo, and was surprised and delighted that I was right, and since then accidents have been fairly rare. Or at least they were rare until he started school at the beginning of this month. He has had a couple of accidents since then both at school and at home, but I'm hoping they'll disappear as he settles.

Like Overrun most of my friends' children of the same age were trained before ds and much more easily. They were very supportive and nice, but I was the only one having to take sissors to pants month after month because the poo was too gooey to be able to take them off without getting his legs dirty. For a while happiness was a firm poo in the pants, and ecstasy was a poo in the loo, or even near the loo or on a tiled surface rather than a carpet.

MrsJohnCusack · 29/01/2008 19:48

DD is nearly 3.2 and basically just refuses to do it

at preschool apparently she quite happily goes to the toilet (although we don't think she does much on there)

at home, she screams at me NO TOILET NO MUMMY NO NO NO

so, in my typical parenting style, I have given up

SnappyLaGore · 29/01/2008 22:18

lol at typically given up . hey, the path of least resistance an all that.

ds2 is now 3.7 and he still has accidents a lot atm. only wee though.

it is the law though, that the nursery setting has to change nappies. or pants, trews, socks and shoes in ds2's case.

Original poster

Overrun · 31/01/2008 11:50

Thanks for all your messages. Every one had upset tummies yesterday, which probably didn't help him at nursery on tuesday.
Pannacotta and Franny, my understanding is that a private nursery can stipulate that they need to be changed but for eg if they are still not ready by the time they start the nursery attatched to the school in Sept, then they will be obliged to take them.
I think if he does this again at nursery and they mention him not being able to come I will fight it tooth and nail though, as dt2 will be there and I have already moved them to the afternoon session to accommodate the nursery about this.
I can't stress enough how good it is to hear about other people in the same situation or having been in the same situation. I know in my heart that it will happen and they are not quite ready, but do have a tendency to worry overly about this sort of thing.

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