Son school problems

[alda1]

Hi Mums,

I'm having a bit of a meltdown at the moment.
My son is 5yo and after when he finished reception he was so happy, made lots of new friends, really enjoyed going to school.
In Year 1 the school decided to reshuffle the classes, and he ended up in a class with kids he had not seen before or spoke very little to.
He was having a hard time.
We asked the school some help, but they did not do much.
They blamed the teacher as being new for the issue they created in primis by changing the classes.
My son was crying and not very happy. He started refusing to Go to school. Then started acting out, and they started putting him on the red mat- all this in less than a month of school.
We took the hard decision to change school.
He was very happy to do so.
It's now been 3 weeks, and today he cried in front of the class because he did not want to go to class.
My heart broke.
My little boy has always loved going to school, and he's always been incredibly talented. He's refusing to do things.
I was anticipating him having a meltdown sooner or later, but not like this.
The new teacher also does not help much. She keeps on telling me in front of him when I pick him up that he doesn't listen, he is distracting other kids, he acts out or he pushes the other kids.
I asked her if it would be possible for her to get him to interact more with the new classmates, as he's quite extrovert as a child.
She said I need to speak to him.
I'm having a bit of a mental breakdown atm, I feel like I have done this to him by changing school.
Did anything similar happen to you? If yes, how did you cope?

Thank you all

Your son has been through a lot already this year. He’s only 5 so you need to encouraging positive behaviour. Can you not invite a friend round to play. The teacher is telling you he’s naughty in front of him so he sees it’s not acceptable, if he’s pushing other children their not going to want to be his friends

It's not unusual for kids to have days when they don't want to go to school. In my son's case he was in year 3 before I could take him to school on a Monday or after the school holidays before I could guarantee that his bottom lip was wobbling about the thought of going to school.

I think that you need to break down the problems into smaller ones.

I think you wouldn't be unreasonable to ask that discussions about your son's behaviour is done in a way that he's not hearing a constant drip of negativity. Maybe a call or written record of his behaviour ? I suspect that the more he hears his teacher saying negative things about his behaviour, the less he feels like trying to be good.

Have you spoken to him about making friends? My experience of schools is that kids who are physical or distracting are separated from the group (if classroom space permits) While his extrovert personality means he might be loud or a bit physical at times, that's not going to appeal to the other kids. As pp said perhaps try play dates one on one if your son Gerald too excited in big groups. Extroverted children can be funny, interesting and daring which is the sort of qualities that would appeal.

My son moved schools between Reception and Year 1 and was very quiet and lacked confidence but was lucky enough to meet extroverted friends who helped him build confidence. Your son must have really low self confidence after all he's been through, when he gets back from school give him lots of praise for doing his best today and keep his spirits up. It takes time to make friends and as a 5 year old he may have had unrealistic views of what a new school would be like. He is a good child who deserves friends and a happy time at school but is caught in a vicious circle where not listening to the teacher, low esteem and problems with his peers are spiralling.

Thank you, really.
I will organise with some other kids a date for him to play.

Couldn't agree more.
As a parent you feel so bad when you see your kid crying and having a hard time.
Thank you for the kind words.

Year 1 is quite a step up from Reception. Less play, more directed focus. He is probably finding it a bit hard. It will be the same at whichever school he goes to so it's not the teacher or the children causing him problems, it's his ability to adjust. Especially as he has just moved schools too. Give him time to settle, work with the staff, not against them and make sure he has plenty of rest and free time at home.

Knife crime and callous disregard for life is rife amongst a certain population of London. DO NOT take another teen along to stand up to him.
Tell the bus company and report to school- tell them the bus number and description at least.
Leave it for them to deal with, or not - someone could be trampling on his. Precious rights and he may struggle to share public spaces