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Always feel like a failure

4 replies

Correlation · 08/11/2022 13:22

I am heavily pregnant and also have a 19 month old. I always feel I’m not looking after her well enough. I obsess over what I’m feeding her, how she is fed and how little I think I do with her now that I’m constantly tired in the third trimester.

She eats a variety of foods but quite a lot is “processed”, e.g. fish fingers, toast, cereal, petit filous, baked beans and pizza. She does also eat salmon, meat of all kinds, new potatoes, pasta and cheese, porridge, sweetcorn, bananas. But I focus on what I’m not doing “right “. I can’t cook easily for her as she hangs off my leg wanting to be picked up so sometimes it’s a real struggle even with the processed stuff. I’m too tired during any free time to prepare food in advance. She will eat with us lots but she also wants to watch nursery rhyme videos while eating.

I try to take her out for a walk on days when it’s not raining and we visit my parents and in-laws at least once a week each. I wish I had more energy to take her to soft plays, classes etc. I had to give up baby swimming as I had bad morning sickness.

Right now I’m so exhausted after lunch that I’ve put Hey Duggee on for a bit - already feeling guilty. We do read lots together and her language is good but I still feel guilty for all the screen time but also don’t have an alternative.

Can anyone reassure me or am I really doing as badly as I think I am?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MolliciousIntent · 08/11/2022 13:53

You sound like you're experiencing a really high level of anxiety and guilt here, massively disproportionate from what you've said, and maybe you'd benefit from talking to your midwife about your mental health?

flflflf · 08/11/2022 13:55

OP give yourself a break. the foods sound fine. You'll only exhaust yourself worrying about it. Life with small children is about getting through the day. Not being the best organic homecooked hands on parent. Just focus on doing what you need to do, feeding the foods you're feeding (which are fine and healthy and normal) and screen time is more than fine!!! I was a LP and went through similar guilt as I was unable to escape in any way to reset my head or find me time. Do what you need to to get through and don't worry. When kids are older (school age) it's easier to find time to cook etc and hang out with them.

Correlation · 08/11/2022 16:09

Thank you both so much.

@MolliciousIntent It’s good to have it pointed out as I don’t always know when I’m being too anxious about something. I currently take sertraline and the midwife knows but I think I’ll talk to her again next time I see her. Thank you

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Alitlebitsleepy · 08/11/2022 16:56

Yes definitely do talk again to your midwife as your anxiety does seem disproportionate.

FWIW I have a 2yo and she does the same thing hanging off my leg when I’m trying to cook and screams constantly, even if it’s the quickest thing in the world like toast. It’s incredibly frustrating but it’s okay for your toddler to be upset while you’re getting dinner. I also find that allowing my DD to ‘help’ with dinner makes a big difference.

it sounds like you’re a great mum though.

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