How the f do you stop breastfeeding?

[Hoopearings]

Firstly, I want to premise this by saying I have loved breastfeeding my son and feel very lucky and honoured that I got to experience it. I also plan on breastfeeding children I may have in the future so this is nothing against breastfeeding.
But I want to stop now.
When I was pregnant I knew I wanted to breastfeed but didn’t know how much of a commitment it was going to be. I am 8 months in and no longer want to continue but feel like I can’t stop (unless I let my baby cry and scream and I just can’t do that.)
He’s breastfed to sleep and at all night wakings (3-6 times).
I just don’t see how I can stop without him crying? Even when I try different ways to settle him, they only work for so long and he’ll wake up quickly.
I feel like an awful mother for stopping. In an ideal world I would feed him till he weaned naturally, but that’s just not how I feel anymore because of a lot of reasons.
Anyone have some tips or tricks on how to stop breastfeeding an 8 month old without tears. 😢

If he's formula fed can you ff before bed and get someone else to go to and settle him when he wakes at night? At that age he may need to be fed overnight. I found between 8 and 10 months a tough time with night wakings.

You're not an awful mother. Please never think that.

You fill him up before the feed till he gets bored of bfing. The best parenting involves making yourself redundant…it’s a bit sad for the parent.

The “without tears” bit is what’s making this impossible for you.

If I know that I’m meeting all of my DCs’ physical needs AND I’m giving them affection, then if they cry tears of protest because they’re not getting their way 100% of the time I’ve learned to develop a thick skin.

I’m trying to stop BF’ing my 18-month-old now. This afternoon he was pulling at my shirt asking for milk, so I gave him a cup of milk. He kept trying to push away the cup and reach for my breast, and he was crying and shouting at me with frustration. I kept my cool, and didn’t scold, but was firm that if he really wanted milk he could drink it from the cup. After a couple of minutes, he drank it, then trotted off happily to play.

Likewise, when we sleep trained him at 5 months, we didn’t just leave him in a dark room crying. DH would go in and shh him or even cuddle him. Breastfeeding was simply not on the table, but he could have whatever other comforting he fancied. He protested mightily for 3 nights, then he slept through and he has ever since (barring illness).

He’s very well adjusted, smiley, sweet, meeting all his milestones, and growing like a weed. But he cries when things don’t go his way, and that’s ok. All part of parenting.

You can first switch out feeds with bottled breastmilk or formula, do those at times he isn't going down for a nap so he doesn't want the breast for warmth and comfort.

I found it best to eliminate night feeding first.

Do get ready to wean at night, if you haven't already, start establishing a structured bedtime routine with lots of elements that don't involve BF. Calm the house down, close all the curtains, turn noise right down (except for white noise) and dim the lights to help his brain and bodyclock get lots of sleep signals.

Give him a bath, put on PJs, read a book. You may want to try and give him bottled breastmilk or formula when reading books. You want him to get that full feeling BEFORE lying down to sleep so yiu can start disconnecting milk from sleep.

Don't play with him or make him hyper, turn the TV off so everywhere seems boring and ready for bed.

My kids were older but I would have a litany while carrying them to bed, "The sun is going to sleep, the birds are going to sleep, the animals are going to sleep etc. eventually I would get to the point where (whatver you call BF) is going to sleep".

You obviously can't do thar immediately, you need to build up to that. But you want to helo him feel sleepy.

I BF 3 kids and I found each time when I was ready to wean that's what made the difference. You have to be determined and not allow then to BF at night. I always expected fights and struggles for days, but it didn't happen. I think they know when you really mean business. But you have to be ready. Build up to it, don't introduce too many changes at once.

Please don't feel guilty OP. I wanted to stop around 8/9 months too and it's fine. I can't really advise as DS1 weaned himself off at 9 months when I was pregnant and DS2 at 8 months because he just did - I didn't have to do anything, thank god. But it's perfectly fine to want to stop at any time. You'll get good advice here, just wanted to say it's OK to admit you've had enough.

Stopping can be really difficult. You need to look out for your breast health as well so try to stop slowly. Remember you’ll have a hormonal change so you might feel a bit weepy as you stop

I think the guideline is drop one feed at a time for a week, then drop another one.
If you have a partner can you get them to do bedtime/ some of the night wakes as they obviously won’t have the option to bf? They may still need to offer a bottle as 8 months may so need the calories from night feeds.
For day naps can you use sling/pushchair/car?

If you’re finding it tricky to break the feeding to sleep have a look at habit stacking (where you add in a new association before removing the one you no longer want to do)

Also 8 months is notoriously tricky for sleep so be gentle on yourself.

You will not be able to do this without tears, because at 8m tears are the only means of communication your baby has. So you need to reset your expectations.

If I were you, I'd break the feeding to sleep habit first, and then ditch the breast completely. At 8m he's a really good age for CC which is quick but does involve a fair bit of crying.

Does he take a bottle?

How far are you in pregnancy? Many but not all women have their milk supply drop drastically around 4-5 months pregnancy due to a hormonal change and baby's usually self wean at this point. My milk supply dropped one day unexpectedly and my DS self weaned at 10 months then I introduced a bottle. I really wanted to continue BFing but nothing was coming out and every diet I tried didn't make a difference. I later started making colostrum which you will too at one point and your DC may not want that and might self wean.