9 weeks old bed-sharing.. how can we stop?

[Froguette1986]

Hi everyone 👋 First message on Mumsnet so please bear with me! I am a second time mum to a 9w old baby, and feel a bit stuck with bed-sharing.. this happened not by choice, but because when returning from hospital he simply would not settle on his back and in his cot. The only way anyone would get some shut eye is if he was against me, on his side, breastfeeding. Fast forward 9w and we are still sleeping like this. I have tried repeatedly to put him down in our bedside cot (where his sister slept no problem at all) but he always wakes up, without fail.

I don't want to go insane with no sleep, and to keep everyone up trying to put him down. But similarly, this isn't sustainable in the long run.

Any tips to put an end to bed-sharing??? Thank you 🙏

Silly question, but have you tried:

A sleepyhead, or towel rolled into a 'U' shape under the sheet to create a 'nest'
Warming the cot with a hot water bottle before use
A swaddle
White noise
A dummy
Wearing the cot sheet against your skin for a few hours before use so it picks up your scent

We use white noise, have put the bedsheet in our own bed and use hot water bottles.

Haven't tried swaddling, sleepyhead or dummy. With all of these, my main concern is how do you then wean them off, if they become used to sleeping with them? And is it not too late (particularly for swaddling)?

Your baby wants to be close to you for comfort. At 9 weeks, you will not be able to change that without offering an alternative form of comfort. You will need to replace cosleeping with some other sort of sleep aid, be it a dummy or a swaddle or whatever. It's very unrealistic to expect a baby that small to sleep alone with nothing to comfort it.

Can you take the side off the cot and put it up against the bed? Kind of like an extension of your own mattress. Then you can roll them in once asleep or feed them to sleep lying in the cot, and you are right next to them so they may stay settled🤞

Then work on gradually moving further away!

I’d try a dummy, you can remove in a few months but if it helps you in the short term surely it’s worth trying.

I gave my 9 week (roughly) DD a dummy when she had her hip displasia brace on. It just gave her that little comfort to help her settle

I second @catsnore

Why is it not sustainable long term? If it means he is sleeping, and you are sleeping too, it sounds wonderful. And super cosy.

I think I’d continue cosleeping until they’re a little older. Maybe 16 weeks ish and then try to put down in their cot at the beginning of the night and then cosleep from when they wake for a feed. It’s a tough one when they want to be close.

in my experience they age out of it about 10 years old.

It sounds like you may not be up for this. In which case cot by side of bed did work for us with second after initial few weeks. Although after happily sleeping in own room from 6 months to nearly 4 years, he came back in with us after he started getting nightmares and was then off and on til 10.

Please don’t cosleep. It’s so dangerous. I know lots of people do it and it’s fine but I work in with mothers and children and I see those who it’s not been fine for and they’ve woke up to find their child has died at some point in the night.

I know I’ll get flamed by those saying it’s natural, it was fine for us. Well for all those saying it was fine for us, there is someone it wasn’t fine for. To use an analogy we are much safer driving with seatbelts on. Sure, I bet 99% of the population would be fine if they weren’t wearing seatbelts every time they drove, but 1% wouldn’t. Don’t put yourself in that risk category.

Please please put baby in a cot beside you. A next to me with the side down worked for us.

Yes this. A dummy is much safer than co sleeping and has been found to reduce chances of SIDS.

Thanks all for inputs and feedback. Really appreciate it. I think we will probably try a dummy as we haven't yet - and will keep trying putting him down in his cot with the sides down. I'm definitely not up for waiting 10 years @Doodledoop 😳 Hope you've got your bed back now x

Safe bed sharing isn’t anymore dangerous. Some of things recommended on this thread are way more dangerous.

Removal of dummy before 6 months increases the risks of SIDS. Introduction of a dummy doesn’t reduce the risk of SIDS. But if a dummy helps you get some sleep OP then go for it.