When will I be able to get stuff done?

[Mitzymarvel]

My PFB is 9 weeks and very much loved. But I can’t get anything done. House is a disgusting tip, (previously lovely) garden a jungle, DIY work unfinished, 2-minute showers are a luxury, some mornings don’t manage to brush my teeth, no time to cook, can’t even eat a meal in peace. I can only dream of doing hobbies again.

I’m not naive enough to ask when things get easier, but when will I be able to make enough time to get other things in life done?

DH does what he can but works very long hours. We can’t afford a cleaner etc.

My mum thinks I’ve made a rod for my own back as I don’t put baby down enough. I do try to put her down for 1-2 naps a day but they tend to be quite short, and if I put her down awake in rocker chair etc she just cries. DM thinks I should just leave her to CIO a bit and that she’s learned to get my attention through crying but I don’t want to leave her to just cry.

When will I be able to function around her better?

You don’t need to leave her to cry. You need to do things while carrying her.

im a foster carer and often have a newborn. I never leave them to cry. Get a sling and carry the baby round while you do the housework. You can do most things (except showering) wearing a sling.

Sorry meant to say have tried sling several times and she absolutely hates it!

It's early day yet, but you need to build routines and use tiny blocks of time to get things done.

Pre DC I used to clean when I had time to do it all in one go. Now I know that it takes 15 mins to wizz round the whole house with a duster, 20 mins to clean the bathroom and downstairs loo. 7 mins to strip and remake the bed..

I found around 11/12weeks doings things became easier as they are awake for longer. I just put him in his bouncer and he watched me get on with things. I also took his bouncer in the bathroom with me for a shower. You could try one of the more structured carriers if she doesn’t like the skin.

please don’t listen to DM. 9 weeks is still so tiny to leave them to cry.

I used to bounce to sleep in the bouncer or push to sleep in the pram then sneak away to do whatever. Sometimes yes they’d fuss a bit before going to sleep but that’s really not comparable CIO where you’d just shut the door on them at bedtime and not go back in until morning. As for personal hygiene stuff like teeth and showering, ideally find a routine that allows you to do it every morning before DH starts work. If that’s not possible because he’s a shift worker or something then I’d still take the time to do it. No harm will come if baby is fussing in the bouncy chair for 2 minutes whilst you brush your teeth. Your needs matter too.

I never had mine in a sling around the house. I used a bouncer chair and playmat with one of those wooden frames. Hung interesting things on it for him to amuse himself. Also bought a projector that links to Bluetooth. It projects coloured stars while playing music from your phone. Pop them down on a foil blanket to amuse them a while. Bouncer chair in the bathroom while I showered or in the kitchen while I was cooking.

That sort of thing. I liked the sling for out and about but not for in the house. Naps were contact naps for a long time so not a suitable time to get things done. I got things done when he was awake and happy to roll about on a playmat or watch me pottering about the house.

Most importantly, only do what you need to. Don't stress that

Posted to soon because my one year old grabbed my phone!

Don't stress that your routine isn't the same as it used to be. This time is short although it doesn't feel it in the moment. Prioritise having time to shower and brush your teeth and eat well. Anything else is a bonus. I was more interested in getting out in the fresh air once a day at that stage than bothering with hoovering etc.

when will I be able to get stuff done?
One day, but not at the moment.
9 weeks ago you either pushed something the size of a melon out of your vag, or underwent abdominal surgery either way your body is still recovering....right now the housework can just go to fuck, (unless it's causing you distress?) but don't let society's views on cleanliness put any guilt on you. If you are meeting your baby's needs then right now that's all that matters.
If your mother can only offer criticism and no actual hands on help she can butt out and take her outdated and old fashioned judgements and values with her (depending on her age she likely as not had much more help immediately postpartum than you have had)
Don't try and get anything but the absolute basics done, that will only lead to frustration and or feelings of misery.
If you can afford some ready meals then stock up on those, (they may not have the healthiest nutritional value, but that really doesn't matter for the next few weeks/ months).
If your husband can either hold the baby (so you can do a few chores) or do some house work on his day(s) off excellent, if not it's not the end of the world.
Try and see where the priority lies. Right now your baby is the single most important little creature, everything else can wait.
Again it's very, very early days. Be kind to yourself op and give your body a chance to heal and recover. Things will slowly very slowly get a bit easier, but every baby is different and no one will be able to say how long before you're cooking three course meals and living in an immaculate house (I'm still not there yet and mine are now 10 & 12...actually I'll never live in an immaculate house because I'm in fact a human sloth!).

Your baby is in the fourth trimester and at this age most babies just want to be with their parents all the time. Could your mum offer some practical help rather than unhelpful comments about your parenting (when it sounds as though you're doing a great job btw)? If baby doesn't like the sling you've used, you could try a sling library (in person or online) to find something that is comfortable for both of you, as there are so many different types of carrier, and baby wearing really might make your life easier. Honestly it does get easier and over time you'll be able to do more bits here and there and like me you may just find that your expectations of what else you can get done change and you just don't care about the mess etc as much!!

Thanks for the helpful responses all.

I think I do need to just grab those few minutes here and there to get things done. However I struggle with knowing how long I have. Too often I start cooking, for example, and she’ll wake up and cry. She won’t sit contentedly in a bouncer so doing things when she’s awake isn’t an option.

DM has been really helpful about a lot of things but raised us in a different era when we were left to cry more. She points out that we all turned out ok, and that if I had twins one of them would inevitably get left to cry while you dealt with the other one. It’s a fair point but I don’t feel right leaving baby to cry while I go and do housework etc.

I do as much as I can during the day (even if it was just 5 minutes of putting clothes away or general tidying) and then after the kid(s) we're asleep both the husband and I will spend half an hour/45 minutes doing bigger jobs (which sometimes includes batch cooking and portioning so it could just be reheated when I'm on my own). I also don't thinking the baby grumbling for 5 minutes so I can get a shower/do my teeth etc is going to harm them and that it's better that I feel fresh and happy, than dirty and grumpy. (As soon as babies sat independently they'd often come in the shower with me and splash about at my feet)

Other things that help:

• robot hoover
• cleaner every other week for 2 hours to mop/do bathrooms
• being out of the house a much as possible so I'm not making mess
• keeping 'stuff' to a minimum. If there's not a place for it to be put away we don't have it