Mother in law

[givemeeestrength]

Since having my baby (15wks) MIL has been acting strange

Firstly was obsessed with baby, telling us she couldn't sleep, couldn't think about anything else, I thought it was a bit creepy strange to be honest the way she was acting and talking. It was her first grandchild but my mum didn't act that way.

When she comes over she's a drain. She's very dramatic, talking about drama and I found it so hard to enjoy her company. I felt bad for feeling this way early days. She would show up and say oh I'm not staying and then stay and then I'd say would you like to stay for dinner and she says oh lovely thank you.
I'm sleep deprived, baby had colic but has settled now. I've had a horrible recovery with a big blood loss and forceps and I would be standing in the kitchen cooking in pain wanting to scream

I know it's my fault but looking bad I feel so cross for her not picking up how we were struggling
She was message me asking how I was and I'd be honest and say in pain tired etc and then she would come over and act like a guest

My husband has had enough of this and told her when she comes over we can't listen to any drama - but we haven't told her how we feel

She sends messages guilt tripping us saying she misses the baby, can't sleep, is on sleeping tablets, she isn't having a good week, and is
Now ignoring my husband but messaging me

It's because he's told her she can't keep turning up ( she did this 6 days in a row ) she doesn't do that anymore

She's told his dad ' we are keeping her away '

What do we do from here, my husband js very stressed with her ! She isn't helping or supporting us we feel

One day he was at work and he came home to her ranting and raving and I was so drained and tired we don't feel we want to see her! X

I agree with this approach. It’s much easier to go to her/ meet out. Hopefully she’ll make you a nice cup of tea and lunch and you can leave when you want! X

Honestly don't even acknowledge her pity messages so she will soon see the tree is no point sending them if you're not indulging her.

She can come some visits which you've agreed in advance and if you have appointments such as the health visitor then she leaves, non negotiable. I don't know why the health visitor didn't chase her away either tbh.

If she is over staying then put your coat on and say 'well we've got such and such a class now or we're going to get some fresh air, been couped up in the house for too long' etc so you can get away.

If she is making inappropriate comments and making you feel uncomfortable about how much she needs/ loves YOUR baby then take the baby back off her and make an excuse to end the visit until she learns that you're not listening to that nonsense.

She can't turn up and expect to be offered dinner so save yourself the bother.

Maybe visit her instead of her coming to you so you can choose when to leave- I think this is what saved my relationship with MiL in a very similar situation to your one.

Put the foot down now and take control back- this is your home, your baby and your mat leave to enjoy so don't let her decide how you are spending it

Very good advice thank you xx

Honestly it sounds like she's having a mental health crisis. Have you spoken to her husband about your concerns?

Hi all

I need some advice on how best to deal with the following regarding my mum.

i’m 37 and my mum is now 73.
We’ve had a good relationship upto now but lately I’m finding her company really hard to abide.

my mum has had a tough life, 3 failed marriages, my dad who left her with only a letter explaining this, my sister Ahmad a tough marriage and cut my mum off for 10 years, but is now back in the picture, my brother has mental health issues and has also cut her off, my other brother I think feels like me and doesn’t have a lot to do with her any more.

when she comes round she’s very negative and moans a lot about how she’s no money or she’s always tired and not sleeping, she’s been so so busy (yet retired), she never helps with my two kids who are growning up now so we barely need her anyway.
my mum will start a conversation which is basically her talking through every stage of her day with all the “he said then I said” details, leaves no pauses for you to talk or comment, if you try she speaks over you.
She also makes you feel really drained and I often feel delayed and low after being with her.
she can also be really out spoken and rub me up the wrong way as she is very opinionated and her views are very much “my way is the only way” and makes you feel like your way is inferior.

i find it really hard to be around.
can anyone advise me any tips as to whether I should speak to her about this?

I’ve briefly said before, you’re speaking over me or can you let me finish, and she briefly lets you then goes back to her normal ways.

my brother who is in contact has said to me he doesn’t visit often nor does he call her because you can’t get a word in edge ways so what’s the point.

im worried if I speak to her she will get upset and cry (which she’s don’t in the past when I’ve brought anything like this up) and she turns things around saying I’m such a bad mum etc which makes me feel really guilty then for making her feel like this.

any advice will be greatly welcomed.
I don’t want my relationship with my mum slowly getting to the stage where I don’t see her at all due to this.

Thanks all