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When does it get easier?

27 replies

Maisie2019 · 04/11/2022 16:29

Looking for a bit of reassurance here!
I’m a FTM to a 3.5 month old DS. I love him to pieces but it has been really hard work so far. He suffered from severe GERD from a few weeks old and is now medicated and so much better. We have now hit the dreaded sleep regression!!!
I just can’t help but feel I have lost myself and my relationship with DP. I’m off on mat leave and he works 6 days a week as he has a normal job and runs his own business. This was always fine when it was just me as Saturday was my chill day but it’s so different now it just feels like 6 long lonely days. I absolutely love my job and I miss it so much. DP is tired from work, I’m tired from sleepless nights and DS is tired too!!!
I make sure we go out every day, I go to mum and baby groups, meet other friends who are on mat leave, see family or wander round the shops. All of that certainly helps make me feel better and DS seems to sleep better too when we have been out and about. But I just can’t shake this overwhelming feeling that I’ve lost myself - will that ever come back? I never thought having a baby would be easy of course but everything just feels so difficult and such a slog, life revolving around nappies and formula and nap routines, and how many times will he wake up tonight.
I know as I’m typing this that in time things will get better - he will start to walk and talk and we will be able to properly play together and he will sleep at night. And I’m sure me and DP will feel
more human again then and not like we are stuck in a revolving door of baby-ness!!! I try to stay positive because I know this time will pass and I will never get it back but sometimes I just feel like there is no end to it all!!
So anyway my question is - when did it get better / easier / more enjoyable for you? At what age were your babies when you felt human again??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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SuTissue · 04/11/2022 23:32

Honestly there are too many sources of information out there that try to homogenise the experience of becoming a mother. Babies are not pre programmed to have “sleep regressions” at particular points or to start sleeping through the night at a certain age and there’s no point where you suddenly become used to it all and feel like yourself again either unfortunately. It’s different for everybody. When you have a baby, your life just changes and the experience changes you as a person. When you go through adolescence, you don’t go back to feeling like a child again. I hate this expression but it will be a new normal you settle into.
One of the things I find most difficult is the constant change. They develop so rapidly, you barely get used to one thing and it’s on to the next. My dd is 3 now and things just never get a chance to sink in really. I still haven’t gotten over the shock that I actually have a child yet. My life has changed completely. The way I look at the world has changed. Even the way I remember the past is different.
For ages I was waiting to feel like myself again as if everything would click into place but it never happened. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I find I just cannot get on top of things or get my head round this new life.
You should find that eventually things calm down but if they don’t, talk to someone and get help.

LittleBeluga · 05/11/2022 06:47

SuTissue · 04/11/2022 23:32

Honestly there are too many sources of information out there that try to homogenise the experience of becoming a mother. Babies are not pre programmed to have “sleep regressions” at particular points or to start sleeping through the night at a certain age and there’s no point where you suddenly become used to it all and feel like yourself again either unfortunately. It’s different for everybody. When you have a baby, your life just changes and the experience changes you as a person. When you go through adolescence, you don’t go back to feeling like a child again. I hate this expression but it will be a new normal you settle into.
One of the things I find most difficult is the constant change. They develop so rapidly, you barely get used to one thing and it’s on to the next. My dd is 3 now and things just never get a chance to sink in really. I still haven’t gotten over the shock that I actually have a child yet. My life has changed completely. The way I look at the world has changed. Even the way I remember the past is different.
For ages I was waiting to feel like myself again as if everything would click into place but it never happened. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I find I just cannot get on top of things or get my head round this new life.
You should find that eventually things calm down but if they don’t, talk to someone and get help.

This is so well put. You are absolutely right about the constant changes!

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