Struggling to make mum friends

[surfermammax]

Hi everyone,

I know there a lot of people in the same boat, it's getting me quite down. I moved in to a new area with my partner a few years ago and we have a lovely 17 month old boy now.

I'm really struggling to make new friends/ mum friends here. My partner works offshore and my family are quite far away so It's just me and my boy here. During maternity leave I took him to swimming lessons and music classes ( which i stopped due to returning to work)

I work 3 days a week from home and on my days off I take my son to the park, go out for walks, to the beach, softplay. I see there's a toddlers session coming up , Im super nervous to go on my own but I'm going to try pluck up the courage to go. We went to softplay last week and I had a look around, and it seemed like i was the only one by myself with my son.

It's starting to get me down. I see everyone in groups. I go surfing and take my son to the beach, and whilst I do have friends who surf/ swim with me when I get a chance, Ican't seem to make any mum friends. I think I'm trying too hard, I do put myself out there to make conversation and Im a caring person. I dunno maybe i'm just a weirdo that smells like the sea and it's putting people off🤣

I found stay & play sessions (church hall type ones) to be the best to chat to other parents, softplay never strikes me as a place to make new friends as I'm usually scrambling after DS! I started going to a mum & baby exercise class and that's been great for making new friends as well as keeping fit.

It’s really hard, I haven’t made any new mum friends.

Church playgroups and similar are the best for chatting to other parents. Much more social than structured classes.

Usually not very well advertised though, so you’ll have to go and look at church/ parish notice boards etc.

Go to the toddler sessions and hopefully you’ll be able to make some friends there - these are more designed for making connections with other mums. It doesn’t sound like you’ve really done anything or gone to any places to make friends yet, so I’m not sure what you were expecting? Beach/walks/softplay isn’t really the place to meet new people.

Agree, search out any playgroups - try the library, churches, schools, NCT, etc. ask on a local FB group - you'll probably get lots of recommendations.
Then you just have to be brave & talk to people.

There’s an app called peanut that might be helpful? Also if you have a local fb group for your village/ town you could ask on there for recommendations, I met most of my mum friends through a WhatsApp group after someone asked if anyone would be interested in a mum’s group. If your son is in childcare you could ask if they do anything social for parents or ask on their social media if any of his little friends fancied meeting up. Or ask the staff to pass on your details to invite a few for a play date, Xmas is a good excuse!
I’ve been in your position with my older kids but have sworn to be different this time, everyone feels the same at some point I think x