What do you wish you'd known before the second baby came along?

[DollyDimples80]

I'm 26 weeks pregnant with my second, first will be 6 when the baby is born. Just wondering what advice you'd give to someone about to do it all again after a rather long gap. Both are boys if that has any relevance. Thanks! 😊

Following! But there will be 3y8m between mine and both girls!

That they will not be the same, so it really is like starting again.

That the first won't like the new baby, at age 13 and 10 I still don't think DD1 have forgiven DD2 for being born. It's sad. DD2 would really like to be frinds with her sister but DD1 is a cow to her.

That it gets better. Admittedly my eldest was 2 when my youngest was born but it was very chaotic to start with! Now though they have a really lovely friendship even though they're quite different. I'm so grateful for that.

Also that you'll love the new one just as much as your first. I remember that I was so worried that I wouldn't but you really do. Congratulations

That's a lovely age gap. Your 6y old will end up being very helpful I'm sure.
Try not have mum guilt when you feel all consumed with baby, it's such a short phase.

And buy a carrier/sling a godsend with another child to occupy and can also potter and get jobs done.

Congratulations

I’m only 10 weeks into baby number 2 but I’d say give yourself some leeway and accept you won’t be able to do as many things with your firstborn or be as ‘present’ as you’re used to being with them (for the short term at least). It’s quite heartbreaking at times and mum guilt is real but kids are so resilient and you can only do your best!

Two sons, 3 years and 3 months
Found it a breeze compared to what I expected but ds2 is very easy going
Also, first born started nursery at 3 half days so got me out the house into a routine and has started school full time at four this year xx

This may not apply to you so much with that age gap, but I felt that a lot of getting to grips with two was about organisation (not my strongest point). You need strategies that help you navigate the different needs of them both. But that just comes on the job really.

That it’d be twins That aside, that it’s easier second time round just because you’re more confident in yourself and have the older one’s routine to slot into.

That just because they came from the same place, the instruction manual is different!

That you are not destroying your elder sibling’s life.

that you will look back on the hard bits of parenting current number of children -1 with a smile.

That my oldest would really trigger me when he did things like wake up baby and I need to mentally prepare for this and figure out how to handle it! And also be reassured that my oldest and my bond would come back ten fold.

Baby seat in bathroom for when bathing eldest
A good play gym for getting everything together before outings
Buggy board
Jumperoo for when little gets a bit older again for getting stuff ready to go out or a quick clean up xx

Oh, and the best thong about second time round.

you truly know that the shit bits will pass.

I'm a lot more relaxed this time round but you will find yourself torn in two directions a lot of the time and DD2 has certainly been left to cry or randomly dumped in places more than DD1 ever was. They are very different too. DD1 was a potato baby, didn't bother rolling or crawling till about 9/10 months. DD2 is 4mo, can roll across the whole room and is trying to crawl.

DD1 has adored her little sister from the first day home. A little too much as sometimes we have to stop her hugging and kissing her when she's trying to sleep. But seeing them together genuinely gives me so much pleasure.

Have somewhere in every room where you can quickly put the baby down if you need to.

That it's the eldest who needs extra attention when the baby is born. The baby will be fine as long as he gets fed!

My sons are five years and eight months apart.

I was naive in thinking that I knew what I was doing the second time around. They were complete opposites to each other.

My oldest was a wonderful eater/sleeper, happy and I could take him anywhere and wasn't at all fussy.

The second child was always grumbling, a terrible sleeper and eater and just seemed much more unsettled.

For balance, the third (three years and four months from the second) was a great eater and sleeper and generally settled.

However, the oldest remained friendly with the years, the second one became a bit calmer but somewhat irritable and the third had a few years where I wondered if someone swapped my sweet little girl with a small monster when my back was turned at the store.

They're now adults and the oldest is extremely difficult. The middle child is very happy and pleasant and the youngest is very calm.

I suppose my life would have been easier had I just acknowledged that they are different people and what worked for one doesn't for another. That's pretty much it.

Thanks everyone, some really good advice and stories here. It feels so long since I last did it I'm hoping it won't be as hard as I remember it was! First was a really difficult baby but the sweetest boy now. 🥰

How much easier it was second time around to care for a baby. I knew what I was doing. I knew how to breastfeed. I had a nighttime routine of feeding, burping and changing down to a fine art already. I was more chilled and so DC2 was more chilled.

How it would impact on DC1. I wish I'd made more time for him and focused more on how it impacted him. He was old enough to remember how sad he felt

3 years between mine. I found for the first 6ish months we ended up being default parents for 1 child a lot of the time- me with baby (EBF) and DH with oldest. Wasn’t planned but seemed to make sense, but I found it so hard being solely responsible for baby and missing my oldest. Around 6 months things started to even up and now (18m) we are 50/50 with them both, but I wish we’d tried harder at that from the start.

You are more relaxed with baby the second time round but the mum guilt for your PFB is real. But this time I knew that everything is a phase and it does get easier.

My oldest was at nursery and we kept that the same (even though it’s £££ on mat pay) to maintain his routine and allow me to focus on baby. Also a sling is invaluable, both when out and around the house.
I’ve since read something that said never blame the baby eg. Instead of saying I can’t play with you because I’m feeding baby, just say I’ll play with you in 10 mins or whatever, don’t mention baby at all.

Congratulations and good luck!

That it would be way, way better, easier and lovelier than you think it will be.

Your first child grows 6 inches and matures a lot while you are in labour. They don't really but they suddenly seem so massive and grown up and you wonder where your little boy/girl has gone. (Don't watch this years Christmas Disney advert, its really set me off this morning and my youngest is 9yo and I'm NOT pregnant and no plans to be)

On a more practical note... with your first, you fit round them. Subsequent babies fit round the family. They learn to be adaptable. My DD2 always had her first nap on the morning nursery run for example.

I wish I’d known that dd1 could catch chicken pox twice, give it to my second which was horrendous. I also wish I’d known there was a vaccination as I’d have given it to both of them.

That your eldest will really appreciate any 1 on 1 time he can have. Try to spend even ten mins a day completely with your eldest when baby is either asleep or with someone else. And make him a priority where you can e.g. "I know you'd like some milk, but I'm going to finish building this castle with X and then I'll pick you up" (obviously balance it with your baby's needs). My eldest was only 2 when my youngest arrived and it meant such a lot to him to be put first occasionally. It didn't hurt her to cry for just a couple of mins every now and again.

That your feelings towards your eldest might change short term. I was permanently frustrated with my eldest for needing me for a really long time. Tried not to show it but it was hard on us both for a while