If we both die

[Kanfuzed123]

DH and I have young dcs and looking to get our wills sorted. Our biggest asset is our house and we have various policies to cover our home on death/ critical illness. But who on earth gets our DCs if we both die? We literally have no reliable family, literally no one. No friends who either have the means or are in the right phase of their lives to support two young children.

obviously no plans to die in a car accident but I imagine few do, anyone else in this situation would it mean our kids went into care? I have very grave concerns about my sibling or either of our parents ‘having’ them.

I have zero expertise in this but for me I would weigh up whether you think your parents or siblings would be worse for your kids than going into care, which to my (very limited, admittedly) knowledge would involve potentially multiple foster homes with the possibility of never getting a permanent home. Of course, the answer to this might be yes, your family is still the less appealing option. In which case, you are where you are I suppose. Regarding your friends, their circumstances could change quite quickly. You can always change your will in the future.

So the first point to think differently on is the friends having no means .... this is where the value (equity) of your house and / or life insurance and / or work death-in-service benefits come in. It's worth getting legal advice - but essentially if both of you die at the same time, then the purpose of this money is to provide financial support to your children. You might choose to establish a trust, from which the legal guardian (a friend hopefully) can apply for lump sums and / or regular payments effectively to cover the costs of raising the children.

That notwithstanding, as a general rule the more you detail in your will about practical & financial arrangements, the less you're leaving it to others to make decisions in your untimely absence.

And remember that you can & should update your will as time goes on - anything you might settle on as appropriate now might not be relevant / appropriate as the children get older, or as your friends' lives change. E.g. I had one friend change their guardianship preferences in a will when the original friend of choice moved overseas (permanently) - they didn't want their children then moving away from "home" in the event of this all happening.

A friend or family member could talk regularly to your children about you and your DH - keeping memories alive and a sense of who they are, where they came from, and how loved they were by their parents. Foster carers can’t do this.

It's very unlikely that you would both die, but you are wise to consider the possibility.
In the case that it actually happened, then I would let your sibling have the care of your children and stipulate that the money is to be used for good boarding schools. In that way, they will be well looked after in term time and only live with your sibling during holidays.

“No friends who either have the means or are in the right phase of their lives to support two young children.”

You provide the means via life insurance. DH and I took out a life insurance policy which meant that my brother would essentially give up work to raise the kids (also allowing enough to compensate him for future loss of earnings) if the worst happened.

Not an option, same with parents, both as abusive. My sibling is a physically aggressive bully that assaulted me 6 months pregnant with dc2 and conned elderly relatives out of money, he’d take the estate for himself and boot them out

Friend wise it’s also the mental ability, not that they are lacking in capacity, more that they have their own kids and their hands are full to the extent they struggle to so I don’t think they’d be able to

Imagine the shoe is on the other foot. If your friends suddenly died and their DC were left needing someone to live with, would you let them go into care because you have your own family? I suspect not. It's very different when the worst has happen.

I think you’ll find if they suddenly had £50k per year for the next 20 years, and therefore able to go part time, hire a nanny to deal with their kids as well as yours etc, the prospect would become easier.