13yr boy hanging outside school till after 6pm for parent pick up

[Pepp1]

is it ok for a 13yr boy to hang around outside school till after 6pm for his parent to pick him up after work and bring him home? (he has relocated and now lives further away).

My child won't come home because the 13yr will be left on his own. This is causing me issues because 1st, I don't think this is acceptable and 2nd my child then is sometimes making his way home in the dark after 6pm himself.

Am I being an over protective parent or is this wrong?

Its happening 2-3 evenings a week at the moment.

Can someone please advise?

Talk to the school

Can your DS invite his friend after school, then his parents can pick up from your house?

Poor kid, that is a long wait.

You need to talk to the school about this. Do they have after school clubs he can go to?

I'd already offered kid to come over and he did once but now 13yr won't come over, not sure if parent has a problem or kid does not like very big dog.

Parents going through a split with complications soooo...

Just make sure that said child is the real reason your DC isn't heading home u til 6pm.

(Speaking from experience here)

They do have after school clubs and I've already suggested he join them, again he takes no action, just insists on hanging outside.

Happens at our school there are after school clubs and the library is open till seven. My friend is the librarian and she says lots of unaccompanied children that drift off from about five.

I would talk to the head of year and/or safeguarding lead at school to make sure they are aware.

No this isn’t okay. Tell school because this is a safeguarding issue.

@bloodyeverlastinghell yeah but indoors being watched by an adult in a warm building is very different to just standing around alone outside.

I would say to my dc that either he and the other boy do a club together or my dc comes home but he’s not just standing outside school for 3 hours.

Just shown my DS this thread and the responses because we've been arguing over this issue on the way home when I picked him up, as he seems to think this situation is ok and acceptable and that I'm over-reacting.

I now have a stroppy kid but that's a teenager for you.

Also offered to get them in a club together at a sports centre near by. Again, the 13yr won't budge from hanging outside the school.

i would make sure your son comes home. If other kid comes too, great, if not …not your issue. I think there is more to this and I would be worried.

Why would you show the thread to your ds? It's not his decision to make, you're the adult, alert school. And insist your kid comes home when you tell him. He (and your ds tbh) could be lying through his teeth and not waiting for a parent at all....

Thank you so much for your suggestions, I'm relieved that i've covered all except talking to the school which i've thought about but i'm reluctant so i've been pushing for him to do something about this before it gets to that.
Unfortunately when asked what's he going to do when it gets colder his solution was to wear a coat. soooooo.....

agree with PP why are you showing your DS the thread? It’s bad enough when people share it with their adult DH as “evidence” for backing up an argument or decision

you’re the parent and adult here, sometimes we have to make unpopular decisions that our kids disagree with. But they will understand when they’re older that it’s because you cared not because you’re mean.

It's a balance, on one hand its a good thing to care for his friend, but at the same time he needs to learn to make better choices on his personal safety. I can always force him home but he needs to see this situation is not normal or acceptable. I have already spoken about this with DS but to see other people also express the same concerns, suggest the same ideas will make him think it over properly.

I think you need to tell the 13 year old unless he joins a club or goes to yours then you will have to tell the school, don’t just go behind the kids back as it sounds like he isn’t coping with his new home life very well

Also give your DC a cuddle and pat on the back not wanting to leave a friend is a sign of a good friend/man - but yes dangerous to then walk home by himself when dark

I'm a teacher. Tell the school.

I recognize this situation cannot continue and will act accordingly with DS (yes, that means putting my foot down) but they are teenagers. Its important they start thinking it out for themselves and not just doing as they are told without the understanding behind it.

I think if you want your DS home, you need to put your foot down and say you want him home by X time- friend is welcome, but he needs to be home by X time each day, unless he lets you know about alternative plans, not just hanging around in the dark.

The more you discuss reasons, the more he can suggest other solutions e.g. wearing a coat in the cold etc.

I would let the school know about the other DC, but realistically it probably won't meet the threshold for them to do anything.

To be honest, I think it sounds like a bit of an excuse for your DS to hang around with this child without supervision- they won't accept solutions of clubs etc because they don't want that. Do you know what they are getting up to during this time?

Up to 4 weeks ago when it was lighter and warmer they were with other kids all hanging out at the park but now everyone is going straight home. 13yr did go to others houses a couple of times but then stopped doing that too.

This is going to sound ridiculous but they are both good kids, don't get in trouble.

Also, I've waited in the car to make sure the parent picks up the 13yr from school.

I think its going to to have to be, DS is coming home, 13yr needs to come with, be at other friends home, else in clubs. If this does not happen I will tell the school.

Thanks again everyone.

It’s neglect on part of parent who should be making other arrangements. I wonder what time he gets to school in the morning?