How to sort out bullying without betraying my kids trust in me?

[Need2knowbasis]

Hi,
8 year old girl, 10 year old boy. Living in an estate with not many families with young kids. The kids in the neighbourhood used to play together but stuff happened. Long story. There was an intense friendship between my girl and girl (age 9) across the road.... a few few things happened but mainly my girl was too intense for the other kid, the other girl took advantage (having everything her way) then my girl would have meltdowns and get a bad rep. I should have managed it better but was hoping things would work out. Meanwhile this family told their kids they weren't allowed play with mine anymore.

That was really hurtful for my kids but nothing to be done about it. But then the girl across the road also told other kids she went be their friend anymore if they played with my girl. This all happened 18mth ago, and we've been socially excluded since. I politely texted the mother of the problem girl to see could we try to resolve things and she ignored my text.

Then over the summer my daughter admitted that this girl had also been bullying her in school, getting her friends to run up and shout memes in her face. Luckily the little girls in my daughters class started standing up for her and it stopped.

Now I've heard that the girl 'stalks' my 10 year old boy in school, follows him around, hides. And its not playing. He's tried making friends with her, and telling her to stop but her response is 'I'm not allowed talk to you' (handy that) and telling the teacher didn't work either. My daughter says she's not being bullied by this girl anymore, but the two girls arrived into school for costume day in the exact same costume, and mine came out without hers on. ? There is also some fear that my kids have about this girl making up rumours about them. I don't quite know.

There's nothing to be done about what's going on in the estate but I have to address this with the school. Got nowhere hoping things would blow over. But the kids are terrified I'll make things worse, I'm afraid to betray their trust.

Do I tell them I'm going to the school? Or just go?

Thank you.

I'm sorry I don't have anything constructive to advise but I'm sorry your DC are going through this. I really do hope you can work your way through it and someone will come along with something better that might help.

In the meantime, is there any way in which to get one of you DC to open to you about the situation; maybe try them individually and explain that whatever is happening you need to know, and it won't (within reason) get back to anyone that they've told you etc. That if she's bullying she will continue to hurt other children. Maybe then you can equip them with tools to help themselves and they'd be more open about what's going on so you can monitor the situation and step in when needed.

Thanks Dalooah,

I don't think I'm going to get much more out of the kids, and I don't know if I can make the promise to not go further with it. Unfortunately mine don't quite have the skills to handle 'I'm not allowed talk to you' games etc., it's just not really in them. And they see this kid as more popular than them - after all, the kids in the neighbourhood chose to side with her when she told them she wouldn't be their friend anymore if they played with my kids.

Exhausting :-(