First 'crush' at 10 - what's normal?

[Prangie]

My ten year old DS has a 'crush' on a really lovely girl from school. He has told her this and told me that 'she doesn't mind.'

They spent the day together a few days ago and get on very well but I am a bit unnerved by how physical it is - lots of arms round each other, or sitting on laps. They talk a lot and laugh all the the time, and also play together in the sandpit or at the park, which is really cute, but the physical aspect seems a bit much - he kind of turns into a lovestruck puppy at times!

Is this normal for a ten year old? I know they have covered some aspects of puberty (which he shows no signs of yet) but not the specifics so need to find the email and check, but do you think I also need to have The Talk? Or a watered down version? It seems ridiculous at 10 or am I just out of touch...?

I'd draw the line at sitting on laps. It may be illogical and overthinking but I'd be keeping them away from each other's genitals and any stimulation (accidental or otherwise).

Ohmygod! It didn’t even occur to me at that angle! Admittedly it wad because it was the only free chair at the time, so they squashed in, but normally he’d probably just sit on the floor.

That's totally weird and inappropriate. I mean really . How did they spend the day together, are they family friends and you went on a day out? I'd nip this in the bud sharpish. A crush at 10/11 is fairy normal but it's never ever physical nor should it be. Protect your dd, not form the boy but from feelings and dynamics that are well, well beyond her years.

And what do you mean by "The Talk"?

They're children OP. Their only relationship with each other should be as friends.

It’s her ds not her dd.

OP if you mean by ‘The Talk’ sex, then yes, at 10 your ds should know what sex is. However I would be telling him that the arms around each other/cuddling etc is inappropriate at their age.

It’s her ds not her dd

My mistake but the same principle applies, protect your son from dynamics, entanglements, gossip and feelings that are beyond his years. Teach him NOW about consent and how absolutely important this is for boys and girls. At this age, friendship is the most important thing, and if he has a soft spot for the girls, that's sweet but nothing that can or should be acted on. I'd do my meanest to let this cool off and engage my son in activities and friendships away from this girl.

There is no need for one big 'Talk'. Lots of conversations as and when needed about feelings, relationships, consent, the biology of reproduction, the consequences for girls vs boys etc.. If he is 10 then he's in Y5 or 6, they will also have touched on this topic in school. If you present it as the big talk it's just a bit weird, it's better to have ongoing and age appropriate conversations.