Friends leaving DD out

[LateNightTalking]

I am quite a rational person and can get past lots of things. Covid changed lots of friendships for DD as we live in a village and I was shielding. DDs friends all live within walking distance of each other and would time their walks etc. i tried to keep up with FaceTime etc for her friends but it was hard whilst also working from home.

Along with the children become close, the parents did too. One of my closest "mum friends" became close with the mum across the road.

All fine, things change etc, but I'm constantly seeing photos of things they've got up to without DD. One girl (we'll call her Katie) mentioned to my daughter about going to the cinema with her, DD super excited, I said to Katie's mum to let me know when etc and she'd love to come. Heard nothing, saw Katie and mum went somewhere else so presumed cinema wasn't happening. This morning have woken up to pictures of Katie and DDs previous "best friend" Jess having been to the cinema.

This is just one of many times. I just feel so sad for my DD. We've had play dates with these girls, they do all get on well, I've tried to encourage other friendships but I just feel so sad about it all.

DD is ok (not told her about the cinema), seems happy enough, but is sad that she doesn't get invited places.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really. I needed a little outlet. If anyone does have any ideas I'd gratefully receive them.

I am aware you can't make people invite you places!

All through primary it really is more about the parents than the kids I think, can you make more of an effort with the mums?

I think you need to come off social media as it’s clearly making you unhappy.

If you hadn’t seen these pictures, ok your DD might wish she was invited on more outings but you wouldn’t know about the meet ups she’s not included on.

I also think maybe you need to follow up a bit more eg the cinema example, send a text, “Hiya, is the cinema plan still on, I’m happy to take them if it’s tricky for you. Would Sunday work?”

Ultimately all you can do is keep making the effort on your side, if it’s never reciprocated then ultimately your DD might need to look for other friends. In the meantime not knowing about the other meet ups might make you happier.

I think it’s actually a bit sad for all the girls - sounds like ‘Katie’ wanted your daughter to come but her mum and the other girl’s mum seem to want to make it more about a ‘BFF’s’ day out and taking snaps for social media. What the kids really want is secondary. Bear with it OP, it will become less about the mums as they get older and do things on their own. Could your DD invite them round for tea or out for a meet up instead?

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate them!

@MolliciousIntent thanks, I do try as much as I can. But my work is really full on, they both work part time and from home so see each other a lot more. I also don't drink which is a big factor. I do appreciate what you're saying though and it is true.

@minipie I think you're right. I use social media groups to gain ideas and advice for work so it'd make that harder.

I didn't follow up with the cinema because I'd left it with her and would want her to feel like I was pestering.

@BeanieTeen I do feel that there is a certain element of that, which is hard.

We do have them for play dates and for tea etc. It's not that they don't get on because they do, it's just that Katie's mum seems to want them to be BFFs (that's what she calls them on social media) and her and the other mum also.

I know really I just need to get over it all!

I don’t necessarily mean off social media altogether especially if you need it for work, but perhaps unfollow/mute posts from these mums??