16 month old won’t eat

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My 16 month old won’t eat anything but crap. If I withhold said crap he just won’t eat, has shreddies at breakfast and will then just scream at the presence of lunch and dinner for about an hour until he falls asleep from sheer exhaustion.

He did this for a while when he was 1 then had a good month of eating nicely nothing has changed routine wise he just started having the biggest meltdowns about food.

he goes to nursery and eats fine there so I don’t understand.

I think he has a negative association with meals but I don’t know how to break it.

advice very much appreciated

Crap is crisps, chocolate and other junk basically oh - and bread/toast just plain

but after having a meltdown after meals he just won’t eat anything not even the crap he normally eats.

he is on the lower end weight wise (25th percentile), the health visitors have no concerns just say he’s grow out of it but I’m tearing my hair out because he won’t eat anything after 2pm

Does he drink milk?

Or anything else to drink? Apart from water?

What does he like to eat at nursery?

My DS has always been a bit difficult about food: like yours, he’s fine at nursery.

Mine is older but I have worked out (I think) he feels a bit pressured sat at the table / high chair, so I just let him eat in front of the TV. I know - MN would disapprove - but it just takes the pressure off.

Re the crap it is hard, you’ll get people telling you that if you don’t give it to him etc. this is one reason that I don’t subscribe to the sometime expressed view here that a bit of something won’t hurt, as once a child learns that sweets are available they do choose them over a tangerine. That’s not helpful to you but as an observation. I think possibly trying to make things easy but also fun - fish fingers, beans on toast, Welsh rarebit are all healthy but easy and traditional child’s food.

How often is he at nursery?

If he is there 5 days a week and eating 15/21 meals there no problem, then his nutrition across the week is probably well balanced.

If he’s also having shreddies at a weekend with you, then you are left with 4 meals a week where things are tough.

Do you eat with him? When my DS is not interested in food, I try and make it a game ie peeling a banana or tangerine, grating some cheese or adding some Greek yoghurt with a spoon from the bowl.

PP who mentioned about low pressure is right. Relaxed, eat with him, exposure to foods with no pressure to eat, activities around food that he can explore and look at what he eating across a week.

Also - just to add I found this age very tricky when my DS was around 16/17 months. He was very strong willed and determined but didn’t have the language or the means to make himself understood and didn’t really understand me very well. We would go from one tantrum to the next.

His sleep was also poor and I was giving him bottles of milk overnight which probably didn’t help his daytime eating!

Honestly, you will come out the other side! 16 months is a really tough age, I think.

I agree with others take the pressure off mealtimes

Also, don't talk about him not eating or anything to do with him eating food to other people on the on the phone or in person when he can hear you

He won’t take milk, never has or formula - he stopped having breast milk at 7 months because he just wouldn’t eat it and we went to the HV and he was on yogurts, purées and porridge as it was all he would eat. He only goes to nursery 2 days a week, we can’t afford for him to go more as he doesn’t get free hours yet. So he has smoothies to add some calories with breakfast.
He was discharged from the HV in September and they just said there is no concern he is gaining weight so is clearly eating enough.

We do eat together me just dad and DSS (the 3/4 days a week we have him) and he will still just sit there and scream the entire time. He won’t get in the high chair so he’ll sit on my lap or the table. We have very ‘boring’ food i.e. mash, cheesy pasta rice etc and he likes it he used to eat it. We used to put a bit in his mouth while he screamed and after about 10 minutes into the tantrum he’d sit and eat nicely which then just turned into him eating nicely and about 2 weeks ago it went downhill and he just won’t eat after 2pm.

When I ask the nursery what he’s eaten they just stare blankly at me so I don’t know but it’s monkey see monkey do with kids, I’m sure he eats because all the other ones are.

If we give him food I’ll put his plate on the floor and not look at him or talk to him for about 40 minutes and he’ll try bits but won’t actually eat any of it just put it in his mouth, spit it out then tear it up. If I acknowledge him eating or trying food he has a tantrum and will scream - I’m not just being a bitch.

But we don’t actually have any crap in the house besides wotsits because they’re his fave - it were and I give him around 9/10am (he wakes up at 4 so it’s basically lunch time) but he has gone off them too and won’t eat them.

He’s not like a nice chunky toddler as stupid as that sounds he’s just normal - 25th percentile for height and weight. He was in the 90th when he was born and until he got off breast milk so I’m thinking it’s to do with him not eating. I’m 5”11 but his dad is only 5”4/5 so maybe it’s just him taking after his dad

Mine is the most temperamental he’ll throw a block or ball and it’ll go too far or in the wrong direction - I have no idea - and will scream at the top of his lungs for about 10 minutes then go back and play like nothing happened

He also doesn’t like to touch things. If it’s wet or sticky he’ll cry until you dry/wipe him - but he doesn’t do this at nursery apparently

It all sounds depressingly familiar. The only time I’ve seen DH lose his rag with DS was when he was trying to feed him in the high chair and DS was just refusing. It was after that we just put food for him in front of the TV. It works, he eats fine in restaurants and at nursery and cafes so I know he’s not going to be destined for a terrible future where he does not know how to sit nicely and eat.

The nursery should really be giving you a food diary though, along with sleep times and nappies plus any activities/photos.

I still hate mealtimes to be honest. It’s the constant stress of whether he’ll eat or not and I hate the inevitable mess because he eats in the lounge.

The nursery just say how much he napped and what he did in the day but when I get him he cries to go in the car so I just pick him up and run basically.
He’s just exhausting me, I’m sure his bad mood comes from hunger but he won’t eat so I can’t remedy it. From after he eats shreddies at breakfast right up until lunch is probably the best time of the day.

I’d give him shreddies on the side with every meal to be honest. It sounds like that’s his safe food.

Floor picnics sound a great idea and definitely take the pressure off.

Floor picnics, little table and chairs set up in the front room, mine always had a small table and chairs they ate at watching tv, mainly because I’d feed them before DH got home from work, but also because they liked their little table.

I know it’s nice all sat round eating as a family but it’s obviously not working. Maybe feed him earlier, give him a plate of mixed foods, if he dosnt like wet feelings give him chicken nuggets, chips, shreddies, sausages, Yorkshire puddings, ham or cheese sandwiches… Mix it up each day and keep track of what he dose actually eat so you can keep giving it him.

Just a note mine never had Gravy or sauces until they started school as they didn’t like their food being coved in anything, it was only when they were given Yorkshire puddings with gravy at school they wanted to try it at home. Also 2 of mine would never touch fruit or veg at all, at 10 & 8 they try them now but would still not voluntarily eat them.

Has he got his own cutlery? If he dosnt like the touch of things he may like using cutlery. Maybe take him shopping and get him his own special plate and cup.

All mine would eat nursery and school food but pull a face at home, I think most kids do, they do get better as they get older though.

I forgot to say don’t make a big deal about it, just put the food out saying her food here if your hungry and walk away. If he makes a mess fine, just ignore it.

Have you looked into ‘wonder weeks’? My LO used to go off their food during the stormy spells, and be more clingy/sleep less 😭 I was very worried about it as she’s quite small, but it always passed.
i remember reading at the time to think about what they have ate over a week, rather than a day, as appetites can go up and down.

if you are trying something new e.g. different fruit, strangely enough bathtime can be a good time to try it. They are more relaxed and feel less pressure.

If its stressing you out that much offer shreddies twice a day. Your LO will be less grumpy its not a complete nutritional catastrophy in the short run. It will get better on its own I expect if you keep exposing him to the other foods too. Love the idea of picnics. Could also try making art work wirj foods (i.e. potato printing, but with carrots, peas etc). Also, loads of library books about eating foods.

Reading between the lines through, are you worried it's a neurodiversity thing? I don't think it is, sounds super normal, but just wanted to name the elephant in the room (if there is one).

he wakes up at 4? What’s the his day/nap/bedtime routine?

Hi I know this is an old thread but just wondering how things are for you now as I'm currently going through this with my 16 month old and I don't know how to get her to eat with me (will eat with partner) she gets herself into a state crying and trying to wriggle out of her highchair and turning her head away when I try to encourage her, the only way I get anything into her is if it's a food she loves like yoghurt or if I just shove a spoon of lumpy puree from a jar into her mouth - issue is she won't even pick up anything new I put down. She ignores it.

If I dare to pick up a stick of avocado or cucumber etc and put it near her mouth, all hell breaks loose and I'm the worst mum ever 😩 she must have negative associations with me as she will pick at new food with her dad.

Did you ever find a solution or did your child grow out of it?