12 week old always miserable

[37anddone]

My 12 week old baby seems to always be unhappy.

She can manage only a few minutes of happiness / contentment at a time. The rest of the time she sobs and shrieks. She’s very alert and fights sleep.

She occasionally tolerates being put down, but will only nap if carried. She is getting more and more difficult to get to sleep.

As a result I spend several hours a day carrying her about in a sling. Loathes the pram.

I thought tiredness was the issue, but even on days with good sleeping she’s miserable. Feeding seems fine - very windy and on Infacol. Seen the doctor about reflux and I’m on a wheat and dairy free diet.

She sleeps perfectly well at night (which keeps me sane).

Is this a phase, or is there something I’m missing?

Feeling quite demoralised as everyone else I meet up with’s baby seems to sit happily gurgling in a pram and occasionally drifting off to sleep. My baby has never done either of these things - and seems to be getting more and more difficult!

Can she smile yet? It’s hard to not feel they are unhappy all the time before they can.

Although the situation with the sling you could try seeing differently maybe — she’s only happy close to you (which is normal)

@KitchenSupper oh yes! She does smile - but can go from smiling to screaming the house down in seconds.

If you’re really engaging with her she will smile, but then there’s no mellow and content - it’s back to screaming.

She’s usually fine in the morning, and gets worse and worse throughout the day.

She's not miserable. Crying is her voice, she doesn't know what she wants or needs most of the time, and she doesn't have a clear idea of a thing you are meant to be doing that you aren't doing. She doesn't know that the stuffy feeling in her brain is "tired", or that sleep makes it go away, or how to get to sleep. It's all very new and strange. She will get the hang of it eventually.

My baby was like this and we introduced some formula and she is like a different baby.
it killed me that she wasn’t getting enough from my breast milk but it’s helped up both in the long run x

@JMPB I had wondered about trying that. What made you think she wasn’t eating enough?

@FaazoHuyzeoSix Not enormously helpful.

@KitchenSupper Yes I had accepted that I was going to have to wear her in the sling, but she’s over 7kg now and gets upset if I sit down.

It’s beginning to exhaust me as I’m walking miles and miles every day.

I only really get to sit while she’s feeding - or after she’s asleep at night.

If she's gaining weight on the right lines then there's no need to introduce formula, don't be paranoid that your milk isn't enough.

I'd have her checked out by the hv or gp. If she's happy at night, it sounds like it's not discomfort. I'd just go with what she wants and keep her in the sling a lot. DD cried a lot as a baby, I think it can just be down to personality - some people are a bit more highly strung, which is not a bad thing. DD used to like being sung to, white noise and sucking on my finger!

She was crying all the time for no reason and feeding often. She wouldn’t nap for very long, I think because she was never satisfied.
I didn’t actually know until she went on nursing strike one day when she had a cold and struggled to feed so in desperation I gave her a bottle and I suddenly I had a content baby who napped for over an hour. We slowly transitioned from there, and when I stopped breastfeeding pretty quickly with no engorgement or pain it confirmed for me that I can’t have had enough milk for her.

she was used to taking a bottle though as she’s always had one before bed so hubby could do a feed xx

I will say this was just my experience and you most likely do have enough milk. I just had a greedy baby and formula wired better for us. I also think it helped because I was in a better mood not being glued to the sofa feeding her every 60 - 90 minutes. My baby was gaining weight fine just not satisfied with breastfeeding x

I'm mum to 2 sons, both of whom were very grumpy, "high needs" babies. Every waking moment involved crying, crying and more crying. Things improved as they met their milestones but in all honesty, walking and talking was the game changer. If you look through my posts from back then (ds1 is 9 now) you'll see just how much of a challenge every single day was.

DS1 is an absolute delight now. He really is the easiest child ever, so well behaved, loves school, very independent, well mannered, sociable and polite

DS2 is only 17m and we've hit toddler tantrums but he's already worlds apart from the screaming mess he was for his first 14/15m. Don't get me wrong, he still has many days where everything is a problem for him but we get nice days too.

Sleep wise - both preferred sleeping by themselves in a dark room with white noise. They hated being cuddled or rocked to sleep. Both needed LOTS of sleep. DS2 was still sleeping like a newborn at 11m - couldn't be awake for more than an hour and a half, an hour and forty five max. It was very tying because he'd only sleep in his cot in the dark but he needed the sleep and the screaming was worse if he couldn't sleep.

Every day was hard with them as babies. Most days DH would finish work and take DS2 and I would just put my headphones in and walk the dog for an hour of peace away from the crying.

Hopefully your little one will lighten up quicker than mine, but however long it takes, it does come to an and. It's hard in the moment, really hard sometimes. I found it hard seeing mums with their chilled out little ones enjoying time with friends, or baby classes, while mine just cried and cried some more.

Also, have a look at the Wonder Weeks app and see where developmental leaps lie. It's obviously not going to be accurate to the day but I found it helpful to at least have some insight into what was going on in their little world that could possibly be adding to their grumpiness.

Keep going, you're doing great!!!

This sounds EXACTLY like my son was. We took him to an Osteopath which really helped him cry less in the early days. I did contact naps in the baby carrier on an exercise ball up to 16 weeks because it was the only thing that would help him sleep. We napped him after every 1h15 mins awake at 12 weeks.

At about 13 weeks past his due date he started getting SO MUCH happier so I believe he had colic. He is now 18 weeks old and wow he's a different baby - will finally tolerate his car seat and the pram now (it slowly got better from about 13 weeks and now he's almost like a "normal" baby).

I would recommend to try to not overstimulate her, so avoid keeping her out and about for too long (we basically never left the house for 3 months...!). Also, before every nap I walk the baby around slowly for 10 minutes while playing lullabies on my phone - this is called a "walking wind down" and it's great for fussy babies to get them relaxed for a nap. My son liked to be held facing out, but now he also tolerates facing in.

Also, white noise really helped my little guy to calm down. The one I used that really helps him instantly calm down is this one: open.spotify.com/episode/2iOqNDvQuv1RyU5SEG0FN0?si=_g-a4ItkRdmyCoinahbg5g&utm_source=copy-link

You need to play it louder than her crying so she can hear it but if she likes it she'll calm down fairly quickly.

For car seat, I found swinging him back and forth in there for about a minute to help him relax before putting the seat in the car helped. And I got him a little soft toy that I slept with in my shirt so it smells like me, and always give it to him when he's in the car and stroller now. I think he's starting to bond with it now and he holds it as a comfort.

Good luck, it really sounds like colic so hopefully she'll get happier soon, if not I hope some of these tip might help.

Try formula in case she is hungry. It's just food & nobody will care in 10 years how she was fed at 3 months old.

Get out and about. I think some babies get bored easily & just need to be kept busy. I used to take mine out in the morning & again for a bit mid afternoon.

My dd was miserable for the first few months.

I remember a friend coming over to visit and she asked why dd was crying/moaning.
I said,she’s always like that 🤷‍♀️

she did become much happier at around 6 months!

Actually introducing formula to a suspected CMPA baby would make a very unhappy baby! If she’s gaining weight as expected then you have plenty of milk!! Why is breastfeeding always blamed for everything 🙄 only thing to check is the latch and tongue function to make sure there’s not a lot of air being taken in when feeding.

Mine was like this, she’s still extremely strong willed, determined to do everything herself, and a feisty little 2 year old! Some just have this kind of personality. Once she was moving she was happier, and now she’s talking even better as she can communicate better. Some are just so much more high needs, she hated the buggy and will only just tolerate it now. Rather walk or go in the carrier every time.

@Ballsaque

she did become much happier at around 6 months!

Did she start solids at 6 months?

@converseandjeans No,around 4 months.

She had the classic colic thing, crying consistently from 7pm til midnight but it wasn’t just that,she was wingey/crying for a lot of the time on top of that 😮

@37anddone
hi! I could have wrote this post myself. My baby is 11 weeks old and exactly same, can I ask did it get better and did anything help that you could recommend?

I feel all these posts could be me - currently on the sofa with 11 week old in the carrier on me.

sophNx how are you getting on

@bluehope
hi, hang on in there, your doing the best job.

I think the first 12 weeks were my hardest by miles. My baby is now 17 weeks. Don’t get me wrong it’s still hard as she is 100% a high needs baby and very temperamental, but I’ve grown to understand her more and what helps with her being fussy (at one point I never thought I could understand her)

i tried changing her milk and she was on omeprazole for reflux but honestly I can’t
say any of this made her any different. She’s smiling so much more now, still grumpy a couple of hours in the day but I can make her smile and laugh now which makes it feel more worthwhile also.

I wouldn’t say I’m loving this motherhood stage but I definitely feel like it gets easier each month for me personally. if you ever need to talk please send me message. It can feel so lonely at times x