Go to the Party whilst grounded

[mumnosbest]

DD is 15 and stayed out more than an hour later than she was allowed, coming hoein the dark. It wasn't that late but dark and not the nicest route home. Her phone battery was low so I was worried sick. It's not the first time that she's do e this and we've talked about how worrying it is for us. Anyway long story short, we had a big row and now she's grounded.

The thing is, it's her friend's birthday tomorrow and I had said she could go out for a meal. She's been excite, bought a new dress etc. She's been down and apologies the later said, others are dropping out and can she please go.

I feel awful spoiling her fun and even worse forher friend but if I back down, what am I teaching her?

What should I do?

Grounded is grounded.

I would let her go but then I'm a bit soft that way.

I don't really believe in grounding as I don't think denying children socialisation is a good form of punishment/consequences. Unless the child is a complete tearaway and need kept in for their own safety that's different.
But they'd need to have done something really bad for me to deny them to go to an event like that.
I would feel cruel but that's just me I'm sure other mums feel differently about it.

If you've grounded her, then she doesn't get to go.

Your daughter will never appreciate that her actions and choices have consequences unless you parent her properly. She fucked up, by choice, repeatedly, she now has to face up to the consequences.

Completely agree with @mayaknew - I would let her go. She will also feel bad letting her friend down as it's not just a group night out, it's a birthday celebration.
It's dark at 6pm now and will be earlier next week. Is she not allowed out after dark?
Re phone. I got mine portable charger things so dying batteries could never be an excuse.

I don't agree that you should stop her from going - assuming she was allowed to before this incident, let her go and then ground her.

Tbh I don't agree with grounding but then my babies are only little so ill probably change my mind!!

Since you have grounded her though, you gotta follow through otherwise she'll just undermine your authority in future.

Shes constantly flouted safety rules. Its not like she refused to clean her room for the umpteenth time. Disregarding safety means she doesn't go, its too important a concern.

Personally I wouldn't want my DD to let a close friend with a table booking for her special occasion down.
I would drive to the restaurant and pick her up as soon as the meal was finished.

It's not the being out after dark. At 15, I get 6pm is early. It's just that she had to walk home today via a not so nice route.

I'm tempted to stick to the grounding but explain she'd already agreed to go to her friend's meal so should honor that. She has 2 portable chargers... Somewhere

Out of curiosity, what would those who are against grounding do instead?

you could unilaterally declare that pre-arranged official events are like school, ex-c clubs and visiting family - it's nothing to do with grounding (meandering around with curfews) and so she can go

Can she earn it back, compromise how she travels to and from party venue?