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Original poster

Moving within UK

9 replies

VisitationRights · 27/10/2022 18:18

I am London based and my exh has just told me he is moving to Scotland in January.

He has made the choice not to see our children, 10 & 9, in 4 years. He does pay child support, it used to be patchy but has done it consistently for over a year now.

He said he wants the children to visit him at Easter for a week and for two weeks in summer. This despite the fact he hasn’t seem them at all in four years.

He also said that I have to pay half their travel costs for them to visit him and that he won’t pay maintenance in the month they visit him.

I don’t think any of this is right and I will seek legal support from citizens advice on Monday (I don’t want to say anything in front of my children so will wait until they are back at school) but I wanted to ask if anyone has been through similar and how you handled it? Does anyone has any ideas of the legalities?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 27/10/2022 18:21

If there isn't a court order in place, you're absolutely fine to say no, and he will have to take you to court. The judge will then (most likely) say that...

  1. It's unreasonable to expect kids to spend a week with someone they haven't seen for half their lives
  2. He will need to build up to a long stay bit by bit
  3. As he moved away, he'll need to do the travelling
QforCucumber · 27/10/2022 18:22

Oh, and seeing them for 3 weeks of a year doesn’t cancel out the need for maintenance but you may need to approach that formally

Original poster
VisitationRights · 27/10/2022 18:29

MolliciousIntent · 27/10/2022 18:21

If there isn't a court order in place, you're absolutely fine to say no, and he will have to take you to court. The judge will then (most likely) say that...

  1. It's unreasonable to expect kids to spend a week with someone they haven't seen for half their lives
  2. He will need to build up to a long stay bit by bit
  3. As he moved away, he'll need to do the travelling

This is similar to what I was thinking. How can he expect the children to feel comfortable with him after all this time? I did try to get him to see them for lunch or dinner or a day out but he always refused and now they don’t know him very well.

I would be so uncomfortable with them away for a full week in Scotland as well.

I will suggest he start seeing them weekly now to build something up before he moves.

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Original poster
VisitationRights · 27/10/2022 18:31

QforCucumber · 27/10/2022 18:22

Oh, and seeing them for 3 weeks of a year doesn’t cancel out the need for maintenance but you may need to approach that formally

We do go through the government for the calculation and if he does spend time with them on overnights then I will let them know but he just said he can’t be expected to feed them and house the for a week or two and pay maintenance. He lives on another planet.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/10/2022 18:31

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Do you get maintenance via CMS? If you don't put in a claim now ready for when he stops.

I wonder who he is trying to impress with this Father of the year Act.

The DC won't want to go visit a stranger and if he wants to instigate contact let him take it to court.

MolliciousIntent · 27/10/2022 18:32

Tell him to take you to court. Bet he won't bother.

RandomMess · 27/10/2022 18:36

He has to have them for more than 52 nights a year to get a reduction in CMS.

What planet does he live on 🙄

Original poster
VisitationRights · 27/10/2022 18:46

RandomMess · 27/10/2022 18:31

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Do you get maintenance via CMS? If you don't put in a claim now ready for when he stops.

I wonder who he is trying to impress with this Father of the year Act.

The DC won't want to go visit a stranger and if he wants to instigate contact let him take it to court.

Yes, we go through CMS for the calculation.

I really don’t understand where his head is at and why he thinks he can just start up where he left off with them. I have messaged to see if he wants to take them for lunch this weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
VisitationRights · 27/10/2022 18:49

this is so stupid, I have never stood in his way to seeing them. He stopped, his choice. Now he just wants to pick up again. I am going to suggest mediation to him then, if this goes the court route I can say I tried. I do have all our previous texts and emails as back up to show it was him who stopped seeing them.

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