How to teach toddler that our bodies are private?

[CluelessParent]

DD is nearly three, we’ve recently nailed potty training both night and day so she’s out of nappies. However she’s in a rut of taking off her leggings and pants and just roaming naked in the house, which in the house without visitors is fine; but she’s due to start back at nursery next week.

Ive explained that we don’t show anyone our bums and vaginas, and that they are just for us/her - as being a toddler she’s always rolling and tumbling about and it’s quite undignified sometimes 😂

she’s also going through a phase of prodding and poking.. so I think now is a good time to teach her to be more private.. without giving her a complex or being self conscious?

I told her not to touch because we poo from our gums and poo has germs, if she gets germs on her hands she can spread the germs and make herself and other people poorly, the same for her vagina, that if she gets germs on her hands she can spread germs and also that her hands might have germs on that can make her sore if she gets them on her vagina (for the sake of this thread I’m going to use the term ‘bits’) 😂

So in my explaining that we don’t show off our bits and that’s why mummy and daddy ask her to put pants on especially when we’re having family/friends over to play because our bits are just for us.. she just found it funny and started showing off her bits saying “no for you!” 🫠 Obviously I want her to take it a bit more seriously and understand, but I’m not sure where I’m going wrong?

Any tips and how to explain to a three year old? 😫

The NSPCC pants rule is good www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will come along - DS is 4 and has a good understanding of what is private, I didn’t really need to explain it that explicitly. He loves staying in his pants at home but knows that’s not what we do anywhere else. He’s also started closing the bathroom door on us when he goes to the toilet. I think once they go to nursery they quickly pick up on the fact that no one is walking around in their pants and that toilets have cubicles etc. I think you are worrying unnecessarily at the moment re going back to nursery - if she does whip her tights off I’m sure the nursery staff will be quick to correct her, there won’t be any harm done. She’s a bit young to ‘take it seriously’ from just a conversation with you. It’s good to explain as you did but she’ll learn from implicit social cues too.

Oh I just took a look and see they have books and activity packs. I’ll take a trip to Matalan on the weekend and see if I can pick
up a book. Thank you!

Reading the info on NSPCC has made me feel really sad and scared about that kind of thing. The “talk about secrets that upset you” made my heart sink, although we’ve taught from day 1 that we don’t have secrets, except once when I have DD a chocolate button and said “shh don’t tell daddy” playfully, then realised what I’d done and corrected it and said We must always tell mummy and daddy 🫣

I have generalised anxiety anyway about this really does make me worry, especially with her going back to nursery and eventually school in a couple of years!

I just never let mine run about naked, it wasn't the norm so I didn't have to unteach it. They were always covered up. We did have general talks about their bodies being theirs etc but I never specified parts be due that went for their whole body.

@BeanieTeen ah yes that does makes sense, that she’ll learn from others around her and the general setting in nursery. I am a worrier so I know it’s probably overkill 🙈

@BeanieTeen ah yes that does makes sense, that she’ll learn from others around her and the general setting in nursery. I am a worrier so I know it’s probably overkill 🙈

There are many things that they pick up on that we don’t even notice. Thinking about it, DS probably picked up a big cue that time we were in a public toilet and he unlocked the door to the cubicle (big cubicle, the door was quite far from the toilet) we were in and I jumped up from the loo in panic to stop him opening the door - I think that made it quite clear that although I might walk around in my pants when I get ready in the morning in front of him and his dad, that doesn’t mean everyone else should see me like that 😂
I would keep emphasising the pants rule for safety, but it will sink in more as she gets older I would think.

You can see her vulva. Her vagina is well hidden.

She's old enough to understand that she needs to cover up when not at home. Let her choose some knickers that she likes.

@Novemberhater yes but she knows that girls have vaginas and boys have penises so we’re just sticking with vagina for now rather than giving her lots of different names to remember 🙈

She's 2. Stop trying to explain complex, convoluted adult concepts to her and just put her clothes back on every time she takes them off. Pick a very short, consider phrase, and say that and only that, every time. "Our bodies are private" or similar.

The NSPCC “pants” song is terrifyingly catchy, and really child friendly.

You will be humming it for weeks though (and I am now doing…).

This is something that solves itself as they get older. DS used to have absolutely zero personal boundaries (he would barge into the bathroom, wander around naked, and do stuff like try to hide his head up my skirt when he was embarrassed - we told him not to but it never seemed to stick). Grew out of all of that when he was 4-5, and he started wanting privacy for himself.

Just correct them in the moment and eventually they start to develop a sense of modesty by themselves - it’s a developmental stage.

What a great thread, I think age appropriate is important. Children just don't get abstract concepts they have to learn through doing, which is not always what you want!
I remember all the stranger danger stuff back in the day, loads of catchy tunes, even then police doing talks in assembly, but I had no idea what a stranger actually was and it didn't stop me asking a random man I never met to take me to the toilet when I was at an event age about 10 or so (which he did and nothing bad happened)
As a parent myself, now I understand why my parents freaked out, but at the time I just thought it's a nice man and all adults are helpful.i certainly wouldn't have asked a stranger though, based on my perception of what one was.

Thanks everyone!

I’m just going to stick with the idea of reminding her our bodies are private everytime I put her pants/leggings back on and let the rest be taught with age and by following the lead of others in nursery.