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Original poster

When is the best time to tell my 5 year old that we're moving to a new house in a new area this summer?

18 replies

TodayToday · 28/01/2008 13:07

The move is 5 or 6 months away. She started school only last September. I was going to wait and tell her after Easter so she would only have one term to complete at her school and I would have more precise information to disclose about what house we'll be moving into and what school she will be going to.

However, we're going to put our house on the market at the end of next month. We're having new carpets, work done and changing furniture around in lieu of this. She possibly overhears things even though we don't directly talk about the move in front of her.

Should I put off telling her until closer to the move or should I tell her soon?

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Hulababy · 28/01/2008 13:13

I think I would start now - gradually ive her more time to get used to it.

What are the benefits to her about moving? Big these up - maybe have them written down for her to refer too - new bedrooms furniture perhaps, nearer someone special, bigger gardne to play in, etc.

Also acknowledge any upset caused by it as real genuine feelings on her part. Show her that you understand why she is upset and see if you can find any solutions to specific problems bothering her.

PetitFilou1 · 28/01/2008 14:02

I'm in this situation and have already starting telling ds about it (he is just about to be 4). He is a very happy, gregarious little boy but also very highly strung so with him the more preparation the better I find.

suzywong · 28/01/2008 14:03

tell her right after you hand her a large family pack of skittles
most diverting

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VanillaPumpkin · 28/01/2008 14:08

I will watch this thread with interest. We are a forces family and so know we will be moving at some point in the future. Dd1 is nearly five and remembers our last move two years ago. I have never mentioned to her that we will move again in the future though as I don't want her to be worried about it unnecessarily. She has a friend at school though and her Mum has told dd1's friend that dd1 will be moving at some point in the future so that it won't be a shock for her daughter. I am not sure which of us is right....if fact perhaps we both are as children deal with things differently don't they. I am just hoping the friend doesn't mention any move to dd1 as that will confuse her. She hasn't so far though so....

LilianGish · 28/01/2008 14:20

We are moving at the end of February (from Berlin to London). Move has been on the cards since October, but told dcs (6 and 4) just before Christmas. I think you need to strike a balance between leaving enough time for them to get used to the idea and it being close enough to be a reality. Six months is an age for a five-year-old. We've just been to London to find a house - so they've been able to see their new house and school etc. I would wait until you've got more precise information then you can tell her how lovely its all going to be.

Oblomov · 28/01/2008 14:24

Agree with Hulababy.
Find a positive and sell it to her.
My sil moved just before christmas. She told her ds and dd that daddy had a new job, and that they were moving to the seaside (they both love the seaside) and that they would be able to choose their decoarations of their new rooms. This particularly appealed to her older ds.
And they spoke of it all, quite openly, in a VETY(overdrmatic) way.
There was never any room for negative (I will miss my friends, old school)thoughts, although she did sit down and quietly talk to her ds about that.

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 14:53

Are you moving far?

Original poster

TodayToday · 28/01/2008 16:25

3 hours away. she's settled nicely in her school and has just started Rainbows and gymnastics. She's a sensitive little girl who gets anxious about joining new groups but on the whole she handles change positively and is a bit of an adventurer so some parts of our move will really appeal to her. I'm just worried she'll start worrying about having to start all over again with school, rainbows etc...

OP posts:

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 20:32

I think it's great that you're being so sensitive to her needs as it is a big upheavel for her, especially if this is the only house she's ever known.

We moved house when i was a similar age to your daughter and like her i had to change schools.

Starting a new school really didn't bother me at all as i think at that age they're young enough to adapt and friendship groups aren't so strong if you see what i mean.

What i found hardest was the fact that my parents always seemed to stress the fact that we'd moved so far away and it was 2 years before we ever went to visit any of our old friends. In the days before the internet i really felt lost without the people i'd grown up with. Will you be able to return to your old area to visit?

I also missed the house but tbh that's because our old house was modern and we moved to an old house that needed lots of work and had really old fashioned decour - yuck!

chatee · 28/01/2008 21:17

when you know where you are going (and before you leave the rainbows unit she is in) why not find a new rainbow unit at your new house and suggest that both units become 'pen pals'?
also make sure your old unit transfer your daughter so that she shouldn't have to wait as long for a place to become available

kerryk · 28/01/2008 21:29

chatee excellent idea about pen friends

we might be moving this summer and my idea was to phone the school in advance and ask to be put in touch with a few of the parents of small girls (same age as dd) so that she knows someone when she started.

if i was asked at my school if dd could maybe meet a new girl at the park during the holidays and help her settle in i would be more than happy.

Original poster

TodayToday · 29/01/2008 07:59

Thank you for those last few suggestions.

We moved 3 years ago to this house. DD hasn't had a lot of stability so far but I will be able to stress to her that this will be our last move and she won't have to change schools again. She had to change nurseries at age 3 and then started at a school where none of her nursery friends went to.

I think I may make a scrap book with photos and leaflets from this local area. I'll include some photos from her groups and school and likewise for DD2 (although she's only 2) We'll be back in the area to visit my family, after we move, and I'll make sure we see friends at that time too.

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Hulababy · 29/01/2008 08:18

Also it is worth phoning the local Rainbows in the new area in advance (i.e. now) as the waiting lost may be huge. Wiould be extra consistency for her routine. Ditto for any other clubs she may be interested in.

And can you arrange a visit to the school she will go to? Having a girl's name from her new school for her to latch onto, so she "knows" at least one person when she goes after moving would be nice. You could also see if any of the girls in her new class might want to arrange a playdate, at your house or somewhere neutral like a local soft play, as this could help your DD forge a new friendship before actually starting, so she does't feel as much like the new girl.

figleaf · 29/01/2008 08:23

We moved a year ago. Told the children (then 5 and 8) too late I think and it made it very upsetting. My feeling now is that if you are sure you are going you should tell them earlier rather than later.

McDreamy · 29/01/2008 08:29

We are moving the same time as you. Not only moving house but moving country too! Back to the UK. DD also started school in September, I guess the difference for us is that DD is already semi aware that she will be leaving at some point as she has seen friends come and go as a result of being in a service school. This is one of the reasons why we are buying a house and settling rather than going from quarter to quarter and school to school.

Anyway back to your point, we have started talking about the new house to DD. She knows she will be leaving in the summer which is quite a while yet. No doubt some others will be leaving at the same time as her so that will make life a bit easier and we also know the area we are buying in (home for me) and she already has some friends there which again makes it all a bit easier.

I have also been in touch with clubs in the area too so she can continue her swimming lesson "as normal" and Rainbows too.

Good luck with your move

VanillaPumpkin · 29/01/2008 10:24

Judging from the advice given on this thread I think I will tell the dd's about any move (maybe in 6mths maybe in 2 years ) as soon as we know and allow them time to get used to it. It is a fine line though isn't it. I don't like giving her too much information as I don't want her to worry unnecessarily, but I look back and I don't think my parents shared enough sometimes as they were so keen to protect us .
The penpal idea is a good one.

Original poster

TodayToday · 29/01/2008 14:20

Thanks everyone.

I was a Services child so changed primary schools 3 times. I'm sure the change of school and area at age 6 went fine. At least I can tell DD that. I will start to let her know about the move.

OP posts:

terramum · 29/01/2008 14:55

We've moved house 3 times in the past 3 years & have made a point of telling DS (3.5 yrs) as soon as we knew it was definately going to happen, not least because he came with us to all the houses we have viewed (& there have been a LOT!) and has seen us (& helped during this last move just before xmas) packing things. Obviously the first move he was only just over one year old & didn't really understand what was happening, but the second time he seemed to understand a lot of it & this last time approached it like a pro . It's helped a lot having him aware of things from the start as we could mourn the loss of our homes together (the last 2 moves were forced by landlords ) and DS was able to accept the new places a little better I think having visited them beforehand. It's also had the bonus that he seems to have gotten a good idea about the geography of the village as we seem to have seen a house in all corners of it LOL. He made packing quite fun this time round as well - he was in charge of the scissors & cut the tape after I'd assembled the boxes the he helped me put things in them & drew a little picture of DH or me on each box

Good luck with the move!

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