It's day 3 of half term. My eldest is 4.5 and I'm currently on mat leave with my 9mo. I am sitting in back bedroom crying whilst 9mo naps and 4.5yo is watching telly. I am exhausted- but not in a not sleeping way as thankfully both sleep pretty well at night unless ill. I just feel so drained. I spend from dawn til dusk with one or both of them and it just feels too much right now. Usually when eldest is at school I have baby's 2 nap times as my 2 slots to just 'be'- to catch up on chores or life admin, eat lunch etc. But with eldest off school I'm just constantly being interrupted in what I'm doing whilst baby sleeps plus also having to constantly tell eldest to keep quiet stop bangin the doors , stop shouting up to me because they'll wake the baby. I feel like the worst mother in world but I just can't cope with having both of them around constantly needing me for stuff. It's just fucking endless and I'm just constantly snappy and grumpy and muttering 'ffs' under my breath endlessly about the never ending demands or issues or tantrums. My eldest is just such hard work compared to the baby and I feel like my patience with eldest is just done. I feel constantly mithered and harassed and then feel like a shit inadequate parent who can't meet the eldest's needs and I feel like I'm probably messing her up in some way because I'm not able to be the sugar sweet happy fun mum she deserves. It's all just exhausting. Eldest has a 2 week half term and I am trying to keep us busy but it's stressful around baby nap schedule trying to fit things in. I'm just running from pillar to post- as soon as baby is awake It's go go go get them in car and race to the next social event.
I'm definitely an introvert and I find socialising multiple times a day with other people v draining and so that is also not helping.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I guess maybe for reassurance that I'm not only one who feels like this?
Thanks if you've read to the end of this pretty desperate ramble.