Getting angry when tantrum-img toddler

[Hiimblahblah]

I’m at the end of my teather and need some guidance, please!

My toddler (2) has been throwing tantrums pretty much constantly for 3-4 days straight, we’re all unwell at the minute and I’m really trying to be as patient as I can. I’ve been holding him and telling him I love him and trying to soothe him and telling him it’s ok to be angry because he’s ill. However, it then gets to the point where the tantrum is going on for too long, and I snap and just yell at him to behave. I know I’m only human, but surely this isn’t a normal reaction?

I have nobody to talk to because I don’t want to be judged and told I’m a crappy mum by people I know. Can anyone give me some guidance on how to control my irritability, please? I’m really struggling.

Hang in there OP, it’s exhausting when you’re all under the weather. Your post reminded me of this article: www.janetlansbury.com/2018/12/the-best-way-to-deal-with-intense-tantrums/ maybe some food for thought in there?

Crying because he’s feeling unwell obviously different but genuine tantrums, ignore. Go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea.

Crying - offer comfort.
Tantrum - give him space. Stay nearby but let it pass before you try and calm him down.
If you feel yourself getting wound up, take a few minutes out. Get someone else to watch him if you can.
Hope you all feel better soon.

Is there anyone who can watch him while you get out to clear your head? A non stop tantrum would test the patience of a saint. You have my sympathy You do need to have a break from him. It’s impossible to put up with that level of intense parenting without snapping

Giving him space & don’t talk too much at him is the only advice I can give and be ready to cuddle when he is ready

You sound like you are saying all the right things, if all that isnt working just tell him you are going to give him space/love him and you'll give him a cuddle when he's ready and go make the tea and have 5. I also find it hard sometimes but like you really dont want to shout. It's hard

If possible, remove yourself for a moment and calm yourself down. It’s not easy, and if you were raised with parents who snapped at you, your first instinct will be to do just that to your own kids.

It’s like being on a plane, how they say “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others”. You gotta deal with your own emotional reaction first.

I quite frequently will say, loudly so I can be heard, something like “Mummy is feeling frustrated, Mummy is going to take a deep breath so she can calm down” and offer my son to do one with me. (We have practiced deep breaths when he’s not tantruming so he knows how to do it). It helps sometimes. Other times I will just take a moment in another room to make sure I’m modelling emotional control, because I can’t expect it from him if I can’t manage it as an adult.

My advice may sound a bit silly, but it’s stuff I repeat to myself a lot, and my kid has definitely gotten better at regulating his own emotions.

Of course it's normal to lose your temper and shout at kids every now and again. As long as its not frequent it is fine. You're only human and no one is perfect.

Look after yourself while your toddler is safe. TV iPad whatever. You have my absolute sympathy.

I'm in the same boat as you and the constant whining and crying has made me shout a few times over the last 4 days, I find it really hard to cope with ongoing noise at a certain pitch especially when I'm already stressed and tired. The only thing that seems to stop it is putting the TV on which then makes me feel guilty!

Ok, this one totally depends on the time and place etc. But I have on occasion lay on the floor and screamed, NOT at an overwhelmed child but kinda with them. Sort of along the lines of "that's it honey let it all out. it's ok to feel frustrated; its ok to feel overwhelmed - I feel frustrated I can't fix stuff, I feel overwhelmed that I don't know what to say. I think I'll scream too..."

then after "hmm that does feel kind of good to let the bad feelings out...do you want to scream some more now? Shall we do it again?"

Don't beat yourself up.

Illness can be unsettling for toddlers (as can bloody everything!) - you're their whole world, when you're ill it's scary because all the routines go to pot. Not much you can do about it but worth bearing in mind. They can also get pent up energy and boredom when having to stay in because of illness.

I always found that getting outside, even if only briefly, helped. There's something about being under an open sky rather than inside that helps us calm down. Do you have a garden or can you go for short walks, bring back leaves and conkers etc to play with?

Re not snapping - I snap much less than I used to. With time, you learn to spot the signs your temper is fraying and take a deep breath, step out of the room briefly etc. Losing your temper rarely achieves much, you will be in the same situation but your child will be more upset if you snap. So try to skip that bit and focus on resolving the problem. Much, much easier said than done!

Ways of breaking a tantrum - I used to sit and read a book and eventually DC would sidle over to read it with me, or bring out something DC hadn't seen, or stand just outside the room and say 'ooh!' as if I noticed something then find some random thing to look at. Or do something silly like balance something on your head and wait for them to notice.

My mum's tip was that children find it hard to remain angry without an audience (eg leave them to snap out of it) but I think that's a bit 1980s parenting style! I do sometimes leave a DC to rage a bit and keep checking in on them to see if the anger has gone yet, 2 might be a little bit young for that.

I can relate to this at the moment OP. I've got 2 year old twins, and it seems all they do lately is whinge and fight. Things that used to work - getting them outside, a bit of TV, another snack - don't even seem to work anymore. I end up shouting at them far too often. Every night when they go to bed and the house is finally quiet, I feel so guilty about how little patience I've had with them again. It's not just you :(

It’s so hard isn’t it..as much as our rational brain knows they can’t help it, it’s hard to emphasise and keep your cool when someone is screaming in your face! My eldest is settling down with tantrums now but she went through a really rocky period affwr new baby arrived…as someone else said, if she was crying I would offer comfort but if screaming, raging etc I would just stay nearby and wait till she calmed down (not ignore). I saw there was no point trying to talk over the screaming as they can’t hear you, they’re too fired up.

i would wait, if there was a pause in the screaming offer a cuddle. If around other people I’d sometimes just pick her up kicking and screaming and take us both to another room. Not a time out as I would stay with her but just some quiet and change of scenery to let us both calm down.

id try deep breaths and basically remind yourself there’s nothing you can do when they’re in that hysterical part of the tantrum and you don’t need to stop it really, they just need to have a good shout sometimes. It sounds weird but I would also use my birth hypnosis techniques and picture my ‘happy place’ and just switch off basically!

dont feel bad about losing your temper you’re only human and it’s so hard

My 2.5 year old has been like this all week. His dad has been away for 2 weeks with work which has unsettled him but it's really testing my patience now. He just moans and whines all day it feels like. The constant noise is so draining.