Newborn wants to sleep in my arms all the time

[WhyMe131]

2 week old sleeps ok in the day but at night he refuses to sleep in the moses basket. Hes BF, and even after a feed when hes drowsy he still refuses to sleep when I put him down in it. I've put a muslin cloth with my smell on it but stil he refuses. I've had very little sleep these past 2 weeks. I feel like I'm just going to drop because I'm so knackered from lack if sleep. Im constantly crying because i just dont know what to do.

Any advice or tips will be greatly appreciated.

It’s only a phase, my son was exactly the same at this age. I ended up cosleeping for the first few weeks until he would sleep in his crib. Enjoy the newborn cuddles, they grow up so fast

The thought of bringing him in to the bed scares me, I'm not necessarily a deep sleeper but the lack of sleep recently has really had an impact on me and when I do doze off I'm dead to the world.

At this age they don’t know night from day. Are you managing to sleep when he sleeps during the day at all? It does get better! I cried every day for the first two weeks too.

Do you have a supportive partner? Are you breastfeeding? At this stage my husband used to take the baby in the evening so I could get a couple of hours before the night shift and I’d sleep whenever I could during the day but I was breastfeeding so did have to put in a lot of long shifts at that stage.

Sorry, I see you are BF. This stage is brutal!

This stage is rough, but I promise it gets better. I would absoloutley see if someone could have baby for the day in your house (bring them to you for a feed, take them away so you can sleep) and once you have had some rest look into the safe sleep seven on the lullaby trust for co-sleeping.

I know mn is mixed on co-sleeping but realistically it is the only way you are going to get some sleep for the next few weeks.

I would also look into the fourth trimester, which is what you and babe are currently in.

Regarding the crying, baby blues is totally a thing, but if you are still crying in a week please get in touch with your doctor or health visitor just to make sure if isn't PND. If it is PND don't worry, it's very common, I had it with my daughter, and you will be given all the help in the world!

Good luck, and I can't believe I'm about to parrot this shit, just soak your tiny babe in. From a mum currently rocking her soon to be one year old to sleep, they really don't stay babies long ❤️

In my opinion, all new mothers should be issued with a slip of paper in discharge that explains the fourth trimester and says "just hold your baby 24/7 - it's natural."

I feel like not a lot of women anticipate this.

I have a 14 week baby - wouldn’t go back to the sleepless first few weeks even if you paid me…. You sound like a great mother can you express into bottles so your partner someone else can do a few hours at night , that’s the only way I coped by getting sleep 8pm- midnight

The night time will get better it’s just seriously tough till you get there

They don’t know day from night at this stage. My first was the same - asleep for hours in the day and awake at night!

The advice to sleep when the baby sleeps is spot on. Nothing else matters (well maybe food but I preferred to eat one handed while feeding. A few crumbs on the baby’s head won’t hurt). Don’t clean or cook, just SLEEP.

After a few weeks mine got sorted out so she slept more at night and less in the day. And most day sleeps were on me. People will give you all sorts of advice about getting them into a routine and not creating habits but I just found it less stressful to meet her needs and not fight it.

Enjoy the cuddles is horrible advice to someone who is seriously sleep deprived!

I agree with a) napping any time you can during the day if the baby will be put down during the day/if you have a visitor that can hold the babyb) sleeping in shifts eg when your husband gets home from work, after the next feed go to sleep and leave baby with husband, he can just bring baby to you for next feed, and then at midnight/1am depending on what time he gets up to work you can take over holding the baby.

Hang in there, it gets better.

Also, trying waiting until he's actually asleep and has been for at least ten mins before putting him in (this whole drowsy but awake is bullshit anyway but especially at this age).

Also try warming the basket with a hot water bottle before you put him in.

The first month or so is the worst! Hang in there!

When my husband could , he use to come home from work and immediately take the baby so I could sleep for a few hours . Sometimes I could nurse and pass the baby back to my husband and get another couple hours . At around midnight/1am we would switch places and he would then go to bed . At this point I already had 4-5 hours of sleep so going into the night was a bit easier.

My best technique for getting baby down was nursing , holding until the baby was in a deep sleep ( 20-30 minutes) and transferring . The transferring was the tricky part . Keep baby as close to you as possible when transferring so they can still feel your body . After transferring them keep your hand on them for a few minutes . This did the trick but I only got an hour or two before I had to do this all over again .

I was also a big fan of bed sharing but not until the baby was a bit older.

Sometimes I was so tired I would fall asleep holding the baby and looking back now I should have introduced safe bed sharing earlier .

Both my children started sleeping through the night around the two month mark . Then at four months it all went to hell again but then it got better again . There are so many ups and downs.

If you get to that point where you’re sitting in a chair holding/feeding a baby and desperately trying not to fall asleep yourself, all the while terrified that you will fall asleep and smother baby/drop baby, then that’s the point you give up trying to follow the safe sleep rules to the letter, you lie down on a flat bed (ideally with a firm mattress) with no covers or pillows near the baby, and you feed lying down in a position where if you do fall asleep, it will be ok.
If this happens at a time where someone else can take the baby then great, do that, but if it’s 3am and your partner is dead to the world asleep then it’s ok, plan your sleep position and don’t beat yourself up about it.

One really good tip that worked a treat with all of my three from birth was to breastfeed with a Muslin draped over my arm that was supporting their head, so that when you you lay them down in cot with so move the mislin in situ too so they don't suddenly lose the warmth of your arm, compared to the coolness of the sheet. I found that worked the majority of the time.

Also make sure if you're going to have baby to sleep in a sleeeping bag or blanket, have that already round them before you start feeding do you can transfer baby and bedding in one go.

And second the advice on drowsy but awake being rubbish, give ten mins after you think they're asleep and then try.

I feel you though, those early days are so hard but so special at the same time. I can remember being on my knees with exhaustion but equally look back back with such joy. Newborns are just utterly scrumptious despite being complete sleep thiefs. £hang on in there you're doing great

A lot of people swear by warming the crib with a hot water bottle.

For my 7-week-old, what works is a bottle of formula at bedtime (otherwise breastfed) followed by a nice cuddle and back rub to wind until she’s properly asleep, then gentle transfer to crib.

This usually gives a decent first stretch - often 4-5 hours, but a couple of times we’ve had 8 hours. Then when I do the first (often only) night feed I breastfeed and then co sleep afterwards as she will rarely go back in the crib then.

I never thought I would co sleep but quickly gave in so we could all get some sleep. The aim is to get her to exclusive crib sleep but working up to it over time.

I ended up co-sleeping for that reason.
I don’t get up to feed by baby, feed lying down. My partner would help by changing him, burping him or walking with him to settle him if needed.

My baby is 10 weeks old now, we still co-sleep, still don’t get up for feeds, doesn’t need burping or settling anymore. I only change nappies if he poos or he’s had it on for a long time. He just wakes up for a feed then we both go back to sleep.
I get a good amount of sleep doing this.

Also napping when baby naps. I don’t do it every day but if I feel tired, I’ll get us both in bed, put Netflix on, have a cuddle and a sleep. I can get an hour plus doing this, it really helps. I love our naps.

I found the first 4 weeks tough!! It does get easier.

google safe cosleeping/bedsharing, done safely it’s a much better safer option than possibly accidentally falling asleep holding or feeding the baby.

Thank you for all the replies. I will definitely try some of the suggestions.

It’s so common for BF babies to be like this. I have always co-slept. I will do anything to get sleep. But of course everyone’s situation is different. If you can co-sleep, I would do this for a while.

Have you tried swaddling him? Have you tried white noise? My daughter had one of these from birth and the music is lovely. I always put it on when I was putting her to bed. Now that she’s nearly 3, it still soothes her because of the associations.

www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/baby/baby-toys/baby-activity-and-soft-toys/chicco-baby-bear-night-light-projector/p/185028

My youngest was like this and had colic. It's very tough. I used to worry about cosleeping but he would only sleep on my chest. In time I was able to transfer him to his next to me crib once he was deeply asleep. What @MarianneVos said about taking shifts with my husband really helped.
You'll get through it x x

This is exactly what I had to do when dd was a newborn. I remember the sleep deprivation it was awful to be that extremely tired.

I got my partner (after he was home from work) to sit next to me in bed while I breastfed lying down on my side so he could watch to make sure I didn’t roll onto baby in my sleep. And when dd came off the breast he’d pick her up and carry her into the lounge room so I could get some sleep.

When I would wake up I’d come out to see him relaxing watching tv while dd slept on his chest or sometimes she’d be awake watching the tv with him. I didn’t want her to have any screen time as a baby but I had to let go of those rules for the sake of getting enough rest for both of us.

We had a bassinet that could be wheeled out into the lounge room but you do whatever you need to do.

You’ll get there. It does get easier. And congratulations on having your beautiful baby 💐🌺🌸