3.5 week old sleep reassurance

[Emza96]

So my LO is 3.5 weeks old and I’m really struggling with her sleep.

She actually sleeps loads but not in her Moses basket or next to me crib. She likes to sleep on me or on the futon - which is fine during the day but it’s hard at night as it means I can’t sleep obviously.

I’ve tried heating the bed before she goes in, white noise (play this all night), pat and shush, waiting varying amounts of time before putting her down, swaddling - EVERYTHING!

I know she’s still little and tbh I’m not looking for loads of advice - I’m more after reassurance that this is normal and that I’m not creating a bad habit. Health Visitor told me I’m “making a rod for my own back”. Also reassurance that she will sleep off me at SOME point. Right now I would kill for her to sleep for even 1.5 hours in her crib overnight because I’m so tired.

I’ve read about the 4th trimester and believe that this is good for her development and attachment but I’m getting mounting pressure from family to put her down. I also don’t want to end up feeling sleep training is my only option (no disrespect to anyone that does this - it’s just not for me).

Has anyone else been in a similar boat and can make me feel better?

Yea it's normal.

Have you considered co sleeping? That way you can both get some sleep.

Just because if you're not sleeping at night and she's sleeping on you in the day it's likely you'll fall asleep from exhaustion and that's not safe :/

Yes it is normal. Have you tried to swaddle her and move her when she is deep asleep?

It’s getting to a dangerous point because you will eventually fall asleep holding her in an unsafe position.

You have two options:

• set up the safest co-sleeping environment that you can
• gently teach her to sleep on her own

if you want to go the latter route, then you need a few things. Sleep props (swaddle, white noise, comfy Moses basket or safe cot), routine and absolute consistency. None of this will work if your baby is cold, hungry or in any discomfort. How is she feeding?

Yes it is definitely normal!

I would keep trying to put her in the cot at night. I never co slept with mine even though he woke up every couple of hours all night.

We did contact naps in the day though - couldn’t get my DS to nap in the cot in the day until 6 months (when I did sleep training).

There’s no such thing as making a rod for your own back - do whatever you have to do, to get through the first few months! Honestly don’t worry about “bad habits” until after 6 months, there’s no point - the baby won’t remember what you’ve done previously.

You can't spoil a baby by holding them too much when they're this young. I really hate when people tell you off for holding your baby too much and it's not making a rod for your own back! Babies don't realise they are separate from you until about 6/7 months, so unless I have something else to do I'll let baby nap on me and just enjoy the snuggles.

However, you definitely need to be able to get some sleep. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping but if it's done following the "safe 7" then hopefully you get a little rest. Definitely try swaddling, feed just before you put baby down for the night, make sure the temperature is right and diaper is clean etc. Also try and differentiate between day and night so in the day keep all lights on, don't try and be quiet and at night keep it dark. Slowly they start to learn night time means sleeping and time in the bassinet gets a little easier.

it’s perfectly normal.

don't worry about making a rod for your own back, she is still so small. She just needs the comfort of you.
it’s very hard when they only want to sleep on you though, it’s exhausting.

i was adamant I didn’t want to co sleep with my little girl, it wasn’t for me.
i used to feed her to sleep and sit with her in my arms for another half an hour or so until she was in a deep sleep then do the transfer to her bed. Her Moses basket had a rocking stand and when she grew out of it she went into a rocking crib so if she didn’t settle I’d play white noise and gently rock the basket/crib.

it takes a while to find what works best for you both.
your doing amazing the first few months can be hard work

My mum often says I’m making a rod for my own back by letting my baby sleep on me, but the midwives say different, and I do enjoy it for the most part. Plus she doesn’t sleep on top of me at night (we often co sleep though) and I usually get her down for a bit of time in the Moses basket each day.

I know you don’t want any advice, but you could try different ways to make the transfer to the crib more seamless. E.g cuddle baby to sleep while on top of the Moses basket mattress (as it’s only lightweight), holding it close to you. When asleep gently place in crib.

I sometimes have success with a Snugglebundl, which supports their head on the transfer. I sometimes cuddle my baby with that wrapped around. Or I might rock her to sleep in it and then place in crib. Other people use to transfer from car seat or pram if they sleep in that.

I’ve considered bed-sharing but I’m not breastfeeding so it’s not recommended just now.
My husband has her from 8pm-1am so I am getting a chunk of sleep every night. I don’t feel far too worried that I’ll fall asleep with her on me as yet, but as time goes on that probably will change.

Thanks for all of the advice - I’ve literally tried it all but still appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Even if she’s in a really deep sleep in my arms, she wakes up in her cot/basket after 20 or so minutes.

I know there was a mention of routine and consistency but I just don’t feel that’s achievable with a 3 week old if I’m honest.

I will keep trying to put her down but I am hoping she just “gets it” one day.

Normal! Don't worry just do whatever you need to do to get the most sleep.

Mine was 8 weeks before she slept other than on me.

It is normal. Some babies just don't transfer between a nice warm Mum and a cot very well!
But you need to be very wary of falling asleep holding her. This is extremely dangerous for babies.
She's still very new so there won't be anything approaching a routine for some time. Help her learn day/night by being outside for a while every day. You will start to learn her sleepy cues and she will (eventually) sleep without being on you.

Hi OP, just wanted to offer solidarity as it sounds like we have identical babies! My 4 week old DD is exactly the same. I am also doing the same as you, sleeping 8/9pm until 1am, but as you say after 4 weeks this is really not enough. It is stopping me losing my mind though!

My LO has done 20/30mins max in moses basket or next to me crib night or day. In the day she sleeps either in her swinging/vibrating chair, in a sling or on me. We have also tried it all- swaddle, white noise, warming the crib first etc..... I have resorted to co sleeping out of necessity (I am combi feeding, so breastfeed her to sleep), so I might get an additional hour of sleep 5am-6am ish. I wouldn't chose to co sleep as I don't ever sleep very well, but this feels safer to do in a planned way rather than nodding off accidentally. I'm getting a lot of 'rod for your own back' comments from family members, but am reassured by the midwives that she's too young to learn bad habits.

We persist every day/night with putting her down, and I'm hoping one day it will just work! I think in the end she gets over tired/over stimulated and that makes it much harder.

Have you tried a dummy? I was wondering about this- I was also wondering if it would help to just bottle feed her at night rather than combi- but then I'm worried that will eliminate the one 'tool' we have currently of getting some sleep.

I really hope that by hanging in there things will improve for both of us soon. Do let me know if you come across anything miraculous xxx

It’s normal. I’ve just had my 6th baby, same age as yours, and I co slept to start with, have only just started putting baby in the Moses basket at night. I put a hot water bottle in first, to warm it up… then get her into a nice sleep, wrap her up nice and comfy and pop her in her basket. She’s been sleeping 4 hours in there before waking for a feed, then I’ve got her back to sleep and put her back in. It’s been working so far. So my advice is just keep trying. It’s normal baby wants to be close to you though so I wouldn’t worry too much. All my babies I’ve had to persevere a bit with getting them to sleep in the basket, but I’ve always got there in the end, normally by about 6-7 weeks. So just keep trying… it gets easier.

Health visitor is an idiot. "making a rod for your back" at 3 weeks old! Honestly.

At that age you just do whatever it takes to get through it. It gets easier soon, although it feels like forever.r

@Merryclaire I might try the Snuglebundl- do you know if it's safe for overnight sleeping?

Also OP you can't really make a rod.

Mine are 13 and 11 and haven't slept on me for many many many years.

Children do this thing called "development"!

It's amazing. You just have to be patient and not rush them. And they will do it

I’m glad someone is in the same boat as us!
I am considering co-sleeping but I’m not sure if it’ll help the situation on not. I feel like what if I try it and she still won’t sleep!? Then I’ll properly lose the plot haha.

I do try and put her down but during the day I really like the cuddles. I do at night too - I just wish she’d sleep for a few hours not on me! I’ve put her in the Moses basket about 20 minutes ago and she is still sleeping so I shall wait and see.

We are bottle feeding and it doesn’t seem to be making any difference but maybe it would work for you - no idea!

I have tried a dummy a couple of times but doesn’t seem to help much if I’m honest. She spits it out and then cries and I have to fumble to find it again. Often she’s annoyed then and won’t take it. A couple of my friends swear by them though!

yeah same - let me know if you find anything! Also feel free to PM me if you want someone to complain to haha x

Sorry I’m not sure as I only use it for daytime naps. It is just cotton, but does go under the head so I tend to wrap it away from her face.

Probably worth asking the company.