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Parenting

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Original poster

Overweight 12 year old son

21 replies

Oestrogen · 25/10/2022 07:42

Does anyone have any advice on how I can help my 12 yr old son lose weight (or at least starting eating more healthier?) He has always been active (plays rugby) but since he has started getting the bus to secondary school & buying his own lunch, he has put on a considerable amount of weight & it seems to be a vicious cycle. As a family we eat a healthy balanced diet, neither myself, husband or daughter are overweight. I have been finding sweetie wrappers & crisp bags all over his room. The maddening thing is that he denies eating all of this junk! I have tried talking to him, gently pointing out the health concerns of consuming so much fat & sugar, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I’m scared to say the wrong thing so I don’t want to point out that with his weight/height he is considered obese - or should I? Would it help to take him to the GP to see if there is an underlying cause? Or should I try to find a private dietitian to talk to him?

OP posts:

Joopy · 25/10/2022 07:45

Can you start giving him a packed lunch?

KangarooKenny · 25/10/2022 07:47

Firstly, you don’t want him to lose weight as such, you want him to grow into himself.
Then he needs to make healthy choices or take a packed lunch. I know it’s hard due to peer pressure, but he needs to make the choice himself.
Has he started puberty yet ? My son lost all his weight with puberty, he was literally half the boy by the time he got to year 9.

Eudaimonia5 · 25/10/2022 07:50

Make him take a packed lunch and snacks from home. Maybe let him buy lunch from school once a week as a treat. You can blame the cost of living crisis, tell him you're too skint to keep giving him money and that you all need to cut down a bit

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Choccyoclocky · 25/10/2022 07:50

Is he at the age where he is due a growth spurt? I remember my sister started putting on weight quite quickly then she had a spurt at 13/14 where she lost it and is now taller than me and I'm more than double her age!

fruitbrewhaha · 25/10/2022 07:52

At my DDs secondary school they have lots of opt for lunch, she will chose pizza and chips or nuggets etc. I’m a whole foods knit my own yoghurt veggie so I think it’s all a rebellion. So the answer to that is she can only buy food at school sporadically. She has to make her own packed lunch so it’s brown bread wraps and sandwiches or pots of soup (I make) etc.

Its quite usefuL to be bigger on the rugby field. Is he in the scrum?

MissyB1 · 25/10/2022 08:02

School lunches a once a week treat, otherwise healthy packed lunch. Control his access to money so he can’t keep popping to the sweet shop!
More exercise after school and weekends.

My 13 year old ds eats his share of junk, but he never stops moving and does lots of sport.

Mabelface · 25/10/2022 08:23

My ex was in the same predicament with his lad. He was the same at that age and didn't want him to grow up obese, like he had. They've started at the gym, it's all about fun and fitness. Both are cracking on and his lad has now made his own decision to crack down on the sugar. Could he do this with his dad, as a special 121 time?

Original poster

Oestrogen · 26/10/2022 10:49

Thank you for all your comments/ suggestions:

yes his rugby coach puts him in the scrum front row - but at 12 yrs old, I don’t believe he should be pigeonholed into a particular position just because of his body shape as it then means he doesn’t get the chance to run about as much. So it’s a bit of a catch 22 - however he is up for doing more running training with my husband to prove to his coach he can play in other positions.

he’s getting spotty skin, so I would say that puberty has started! he has never been one for growth spurts though - it’s been more slow continuous growth rather than develop a pot belly & then shoot up in height. But fingers crossed it might be different with hormones kicking in…

I like the idea of cutting costs as the reason for packed lunches

We are going to a ParkRun Halloween event this weekend- anything to avoid the kids going trick or treating & coming home with buckets of sugar this year!!

OP posts:

fortifiedwithtea · 26/10/2022 10:57

Teens get very self conscious about spots. Point out that processed sugars aggravate acne so a healthy packed lunch will improve his skin. Then wait for him to grow into his weight.

Thatskindafun · 26/10/2022 11:03

If you’re finding junk food wrappers everywhere then there’s no point taking him to a gp or dietician at this point because they’re going to suggest he stop eating those things as a first plan of action
I would be concerned that he’s lying though, that means he is worried about your reaction or he’s eating in secret or shame or something else
so I’d be trying to combat that
I do think it’s normal for teens to do a little pre growth spurt eating and gaining weight but if he’s actually obese could you encourage more activity for now, and take away the food issue? But in a fun way - he wants to prove he can do running for his coach, family park runs, family hikes
so it’s not about him being active!

IHateFlies · 26/10/2022 11:03

This happened to my ds. He was eating baguettes, pizzas and croissants at school and put on a fair bit of weight.
He was active as well, played football regularly, walked 3 miles a day to and from school but was just eating too much carby foods.
We had a chat about it, he took packed lunches, we reduced his bread consumption to one portion a day. He made better choices for snacks and the weight came off.

SainteCroissante · 26/10/2022 11:09

All the best to you son OP - I was wondering whether there are any positive food/professional sport and fitness-role models with cookbooks and nutrition advice you could look into, that might convince him to do his own packed lunches (with lots of protein, healthy greens, etc), so that it becomes more of an aspirational thing. That way you might be able to frame it as - we cannot pay for everyday lunch out, but we can make packed lunches that will help you with your athletic endeavours (instead of focusing on weight loss).

ClaudiusTheGod · 26/10/2022 11:10

Where is he getting the money from to buy all these sweets and crisps?

Songoftheseas · 26/10/2022 11:14

Please do not shame him by taking him to the GP or a dietician! One of my earliest memories is of my mum taking me to the GP as only a very slightly overweight child at age 6 and I have never forgotten how I felt. Right up to adulthood I’ve also only felt valued when I am slim by my family and as I am now the very opposite of slim in my 40s that has contributed to a feeling of worthlessness and failure. Eating too much/being overweight is about so much more then being greedy or making poor food choices.

The key things here are to help him eat healthier and to do more exercise. I would start sending him to school with a home packed lunch (you can blame living costs/cutbacks for this) and use evenings/weekends to go on family walks, bike rides, whatever works for you.

Singleandproud · 26/10/2022 11:17

@Oestrogen My Dd

bloodyeverlastinghell · 26/10/2022 11:21

My eldest was beginning to get a bit podgy so I've instigated family swimming three times a week and also taken him to the gym once a week. Talked to him about sugar as well he does seem like a bottomless pit at the moment so maybe he is due a stretch.

Tricky when they get their own lunches, panini, cake and snacks seems to be what he eats.

Singleandproud · 26/10/2022 11:22

I'll try again....

@Oestrogen my DD plays position 5 in U14s at 5ft 9 size is a real advantage, however they obviously aren't pushing in the scrum yet so it's not the be all.
However, I would approach your 'problem' with signing DS up the local gym teen sessions 'to improve his rugby' ofcourse, I wouldn't mention weight. If he starts seeing physical gains and putting on muscle and is surrounded by sporty people he is likely to change his bad habits himself.

pico1 · 26/10/2022 11:24

This happened to my DS in his first year of secondary school. It was a combination of too much emphasis on “nice” food at home during Covid (not junk but deffo too many luxury take-always etc) and the novelty of being able to buy rubbish at school. I have a friend who is a specialist in child diabetes and she said that the aim should be to keep his weight stable while he grew and advised me to reduce portion sizes slightly and include food that involved more chewing such as raw vegetables, salad and hard fruit. She says that slowing down eating helps us feel full and less likely to over eat. He is now 2kg lighter than this time last year but several inches taller so it has worked!

MinervaVeta · 26/10/2022 12:48

Hi Oestrogen. Added to all the above good advice above, you might want to also think about/investigate the idea of food being his emotional prop. Is he okay at school? Is he stressed? If he is okay, you might want to research genetics. Is he the only one in your family who hasn't inherited the switch off your full gene. If he hasn't, it's then all down to willpower and at 12, with hormones and school pressure, that's a lot to add in to the mix.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/10/2022 12:51

I’m scared to say the wrong thing so I don’t want to point out that with his weight/height he is considered obese

What are you scared about? If you won't tell him who will?

Oh yes, his peers will. And that will be much worse.

You need to find out why he is gorging himself on sweets etc. Does he comfort eat?

Thatskindafun · 26/10/2022 14:30

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy will they though?
at my school everyone was told they were fat at some point, it was a generic insult.
and only extremely overweight people got regular comments, boys who were just a few kg above healthy wouldn’t have been given a second look really. Particularly as so many children and teens are overweight.

I think you’re right not to make it a huge deal at this point op, Only his health is important, which you are dealing with by being active and encouraging healthy eating at meal times. saying that he’s fat doesn’t help anything.

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