Hi everyone. Just wanted to update on my situation, feel free to look at my page for what I’ve written previously. In short, my boyfriend and father to my baby is addicted to drugs, told him to quit a year ago but he still hasn’t. Baby is now almost 4 months old.
I know this is long but please read.
For a few months I gave him the benefit of the doubt, if he was ever going to get off the drugs he’d need my support.
He’s told me that he’s been cutting down slowly, so he said he was on £30, then £20, then £15, but on the week he said he’d cut down to £20 the next day he was telling me about how he’d cut down to £30, I sometimes feel like he’s just lying to me. As he lives at home I’ve obviously not got any way of knowing if he’s lying or not.
He used to be on about £100 a week but he’s said this amount has drastically reduced, I genuinely believe he’s cut down to maybe £70 a week but anything lower than that I am not 100% sure.
When he’s at home in the week he smokes joints all day, I’m worried that he just does more on the Friday, starves himself for the weekend and gets by on his nicotine vape, and then has loads on the Monday. He thinks that doing this is a cut down but surely it’s not. He wants to see baby in the week but how can I let him do this after smoking so much.
We’ve still had some other issues though, such as him not wanting to spend any money on me at all, not even £4 on a McDonald’s when he was getting his own meal. But really my focus for now has just been trying to get him off his drugs. He does give me £50 for the baby a week but absolutely nothing else, he does a have a full time job though.
The main reason I’m writing this today is for advice on something that happened.
About 3 weeks ago when he came to visit for the weekend I found some nerd edibles in his bag, he knows he isn’t aloud to bring drugs in my house and I was shocked to see that, but I decided to see if he’d take them whilst he was over for the weekend and not say anything.
He’d obviously thought that as he can’t smoke his weed and get away with it, he’d eat it instead sneakily instead.
On the Sunday morning we went swimming with baby, before we left the house he hadn’t taken any, I held baby the entire time in the pool to keep away from him to be on the side of caution, when we got home I checked his bag and he had taken some, I can only presume he had taken them in the changing room before we swam as he did take a long time, but I did not seriously think he’d do something so potentially dangerous.
The next day I left our baby at home with him whilst I nipped somewhere for no longer than 25 minutes, he hadn’t taken any more of the edibles when I checked his bag before I left. When I arrived home I checked his bag and the entirety of the edibles was gone. He had TAKEN DRUGS whilst watching our baby ALONE, I was mortified. The baby was on the bed with him so I can only presume he took them in bed right next to him. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if my baby accidentally ingested some.
I sent him home and made an excuse to why he had to leave early. I then messaged him and he denied everything, I then sent him a picture of them I took and he then decided to admit he did have them. He said that he took the edibles outside to take, I have cameras so I know this isn’t true. Why would anyone take drugs whilst watching a baby alone anyway!
I’ve spoken to a professional rehabilitator at his drug support place and she said he won’t come off his drugs and that he loves them more than his family. She said the edibles could have been laced with ecstasy, heroin and god knows what.
That sounds much worse than a joint. She said if baby had accidentally ingested some it would have been serious.
Another thing I was thinking about is that when I was in hospital giving birth to my son in June he stayed over at my house alone, the next day I found bits in my bed that looked like tobacco, he always only smokes tobacco with cannabis mixed together, on my security cameras it showed he opened my bedroom window and he doesn’t usually do that so I presume to let smoke get out. As usual he denied all and said they were twigs from the garden, and I’ve believed him since then. However, after lying to me about the edibles thinking back he probably lied about this too. This would mean that he smoked all over my newborn sons stuff hours before he came home.
I really don’t know what to do, I love him lots but he’s in a way risked babies life multiple times.
With the amount of drugs he’s taken from such a young age he could have induced something like drug psychosis whilst in the pool or watching baby alone.
He doesn’t see a problem with what he’s done which is probably the worst part, he says I’m the problem for keeping arguing about it, I wouldn’t have to argue if he didn’t do it.
I’ve only just started speaking to him again and as always I end up playing down the situation and forgiving him. But something about this time feels a bit different, but then a part of me just says to support him. I don’t know what to do, I’m worried for baby and myself.
Is he going to come off his drugs? Now that he knows I check his bag will he hide them elsewhere? Should I trust him again? Should I forgive him this time? Will he understand how dangerous the things he did where?
Advice is appreciated.