Toddler is AWFUL at bedtime

[BlueBritish]

So, I posted not too long ago about it taking my DD a couple of hours to go to sleep on the nighttime and since then I’ve started to drop her nap so some days she has one and others she doesn’t and for a week or so she did go down to bed well. Now, for the past week bedtimes have been a living hell, she will not go up the stairs without a fight for starters. She kicks and screams and for a 2 yo seems very strong. We read her a story and then when she’s ready to go into her a cot we have a massive breakdown, to the point we’re she is hysterical and falling all over the place, it’s actually getting quite dangerous as she will not let you cuddle her or calm her down and she just throws herself about. DD has actually hit her head etc doing this. When I finally do get her into her cot she is very unsettled and still hysterical but eventually does settle down and sleep. I’m just finding it very draining and I really don’t know what to do. Has anyone had the same? Has any tips or advice? ANYTHING? I’m desperate for a nice bedtime again 😩

It could be she’s overtired. I’d be tempted to either increase the Down regulating activities before bed and move bedtime earlier, or add the nap back in and see if that with extra activity in the afternoon and a slightly later bedtime helps? It sounds like my ds used to be when he was very tired.

She sounds overtired.

id start the process earlier and allow for lots of winding down/relaxing activities, do the same things in the same order each night.

whats your current bedtime routine?

It sounds like this transition is really hard for your child at the moment. Bedtime represents a stop to the day and leaving you.
Some ideas

• Have a really focused time of connection before bedtime. Play together, read together, give her lots of love and attention
• Maybe try a later bedtime if you don’t think she’s overtired? I think often the battles is bigger than it needs to be because the child isn’t tired enough yet. Bedtimes got a lot easier for us when we accepted our toddler really isn’t ready for bed before 9pm (as much as we’d like him to be!) what time is bedtime?
• Get rid of the cot and have a floor bed. You’ll need to childproof the room but you won’t have the battle of getting her into it. You can lie on the bed with her, she can feel like she has more freedom and autonomy to choose to come to bed rather than being forced in.

It won’t be like this forever x

Also - she could be over tired as dropping nap, definitely also one to consider. But building in longer wind down time helps either way

My daughter has been like this before when she was overtired, hysterical. It's really heartbreaking.

Have you tried doing a quiet wind down before you go upstairs?

Maybe putting the lights low and doing some sticker books together before you go up?

When my daughter really doesn't want to do something, I find the worst thing I can do is try to force her, she gets really really upset and then I get upset. So I have started getting my phone out and saying to her, "ok we won't do xyz right now, I'm going to put an alarm on for 2 minutes (I show her the alarm on my phone) and we can carry on with our sticker book, but when the alarm goes off it is time to go and brush our teeth. Ok?" Then I press the start button and leave it out.

When the alarm goes off, I say "oh the alarm has gone off. Remember what we said? We agreed we would go brush our teeth. Come on let's go"

10% of the time she grumbles or complains, but I say "we agreed!" And she agrees to do what I've asked.

My advice would be not to force her if you can help it. Put choices in her hands. What kind of PJs are you going to wear? Which toothbrush? Which book?

Sometimes I pretend to be a train at the station platform and I ask her for her ticket to come on the "stair train" and we turn it in to a game.

I know this might be against the grain but we got our son a small tv and he watches a movie for an hour at bedtime and looks forward to it.

Things that have worked for me is roleplaying bed time in the daytime and using a visual timetable of what we're going to do and we tick off each thing as we go (nappy, pyjamas, teeth, story, songs).

There are nights where this is still wholly unsuccessful but it's definitely helped.

On occasions when I put gd to bed, she has her bath and we read books for about 15 mins until she looks a bit sleepy. Then teeth brushing and a wee. She has recently gone into a little bed so we put her little light on dim and she lies down. I then chat to her about her day and things she has done. She is just turned two and understand what I am saying and chips in with words she knows although she doesn’t use proper sentences. It seems to calm her down and she gradually says less. She likes to have her back stroked, (she reminds me if I forget) her thumb in her mouth and twiddles her hair. I just sit by her bed and she drifts off. I reassure her that I will be there until she drops off but this usually only takes a out 10-15 mins.
I think little ones need to feel relaxed and secure before they will drop off but easier said than done I realise..

Thank you all for your lovely words and advice, someone else did mention about potentially getting a little tv for her room. I also loved the idea of setting an alarm for bedtime, will definitely be exploring a lot of these as I had another awful bed time last night, it really is breaking my heart.