Feeling lonely at the school gates

[Refreshmints]

I have severe anxiety, even leaving my house to do the school run results in bad nausea, headaches, sweats and light-headedness. (I recently started a new medication to try and combat this, as well as keeping in contact with my GP)
Because of this, waiting at the school gates for my DC to come out has meant that for years I've just stood there anxiously, not making eye contact or engaging in conversation with any of the other parents. If another parent does engage with me, I will always make polite conversation but I feel like I'm a little awkward because of how sick I feel and how I'm trying to act like I'm not feeling like I'm about to vomit everywhere.

I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I'm told that I've got a RBF, coupled with my tattoos and piercings (i have what you might call an alternative look, nothing extreme though) I might be seen as 'intimidating' and I don't mean that in a stuck up way, just in a "she looks like a bitch" way.

My DC is quite popular, never seems to have issues with any of the other kids and luckily, is confident and hasn't taken any of my issues. He is at the last couple of years of primary school and has started asking to go over friends houses or if they can come over ours. I wouldn't have a problem with this (as long as I get info from the other parents etc) but because it's been so long, they've all formed into groups and I've given up on being a part of that.

It does get lonely at the school gates sometimes, it must be so nice having that extra support from other parents, especially when your kids are great friends.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do about all this? Feeling an enormous amount on mum guilt because the other kids get to hang out with eachother all the time after school/weekends/during the holidays and because of how my mental health is, my son is missing out.

OR should I wait it out a couple more years until he's in high school, and then all the kids start walking to and from school together (like I used to I assume they still do it now?) And then he'll be able to make his own arrangements? Or is that really shitty of me?

Goes without saying but please no extra harsh judgement 🙏🙏

Anxiety sucks.

Even when I was okay enough to interact and invite other kids to play my poor DC never got a return invite. I too have RBF and severe anxiety. It’s tough.

As DS is happy and has friends I think I would ask him if he’d like to pick a friend to ask over for a play & dinner after school one day and then maybe (bravely!) approach the parent with a ‘hi, DS was wondering if X can come over one day’ and see what they say. Hopefully they will say yes and you can then arrange what day would be best.

If you are feeling less than brave you could just ask DS to ask the friend if they would like to come over one day. Kids are truthful enough so you would either hear back ‘mum said I can’t’ or ‘yes but I can only come Tuesday’s’ or whatever.

Good luck. High school was a relief I can tell you!
I hope the new meds improve things for you

Please don't feel alone OP. The school run is hated by many. Even the ones that look like they don't.

And if you told me you suffered with anxiety, you'd get no judgement from me. I might even share my stories too.

It sounds like your son is doing amazing and managing his own social life. If you wanted to, you could approach parent or if it's too much wait it out.

You are not alone.