Please reassure me this is ok/tell me if MIL is right...?

[Cluelessfirstimer]

This is so trivial I swear but my poisonous MIL has made me paranoid again...

Baby is 4.5 months old. I've just started :pat pat shh shh" for naps because he was getting hysterical and needed to literally be walked around the house for an hour then napped on me. I didnt mind contact naps but it was the walking miles in the same rooms that was driving me mad. He Hayes the sling and I couldn't leave the house to use the buggy today

MIL said that's sleep training and it's cruel because he is too young...Is it?!?! He wasn't screaming, just light cries/whimpers. If he was really upset I would have gotten him out of the travel cot. It took me about 30 minutes to get him to sleep but he napped in the travel cot for a good hour and woke up happy.... ish..

Is he too young for that....???

Also side note he will not take a dummy. I've spent about £100 on different types. mams, cherry soothers own brand supermarket etc..

You are not leaving your baby to cry alone so it's fine in my opinion

No he's not too young it's actually the perfect time to start. He would be too young for cry it out method of sleep training but your not doing that your staying and supporting which is completely different.
Yes it's a form of sleep training but no it's not cruel your giving him the skills to learn to fall asleep

That's not sleep training, she is being weird. You're comforting your child, not leaving the room and going for a cuppa

Thanks lovlies. I was literally stood over the cot the whole time I just didn't take him out when he whimpered etc. Never left him to cry or left the room. She is so judgmental of everything I do so I never know if its just her being toxic or I am infact doing something wrong

Its perfectly fine. There are lots of sleep training methods and lots of them do not involve leaving babies to cry hysterically so there is nothing inherently wrong with sleep training.

We used quite a harsh method at 14 months which did involve leaving them but we were at desperation point, both parents needing physiotherapy because she needed to be walked/carried to sleep. Even then we did go back if she got distressed. It only took 2-3 nights to massively improve things. Everyone including baby (and older boy who was also being kept awake) much happier.

It’s fine and she is being a b*h to be so unsupportive of you.

We did this, not sure why people have a problem with it, they slept through from about 8wks!

Sounds like the very best idea and will help you and little one in long run.

Baby knew you were there, and pacing the room with him for hours clearly wasn't what he wanted so good on you for trying something new.

Why does she know so much do you live with her?

I would say it is sleep training, but in a kind and supportive way. Perfectly fine and wise to do now really, wish I had.

Thank you guys. It really wasn't working. It was taking a good hour and my back was really starting to suffer. He would also get hysterical and while doing this he did figet/wimper but it was much less stressful for nothing of us I think.

No she doesn't live with us. Thank god! But came to visit today and saw me putting him down for a nap. I ignored her at the time

Shes just generally a nasty/ judgemental person but as a FTM I stress when people make comments like that. I'm sure I'll harden up to it soon!

for both of us stupid auto correct.

It's fine! We did the same at 3.5 months and baby now falls asleep in his cot for naps within 10 minutes. YOU know your baby best.

We did the same at this age...some call it the 'self soothing' method and it's the BEST thing we could have done. Teaches them to go to sleep by themselves which ultimately means they sleep through the night better as they get themselves back to sleep when they wake up.

There's a huge difference between 'cry it out' where they're totally screaming and this method which is more of a winge cry.

Ignore her and keep going!

PS also to add, we didn't crack it overnight, and it got a little worse during the '4 month sleep regression' period for a couple of weeks. But keep going - by 5/6 months my DC was getting themselves to sleep and sleeping through the night, and great ever since.

It's a form of sleep training but unless baby is crying himself to sleep whilst you're doing it then I don't see any harm (it sounds like it's an effective replacement for bouncing which was no longer working?).

I have attempted shhh patting my little one and had to stop after a few mins as he was obviously distressed. IMO it would have been cruel to have continued, even if it had worked eventually.

I'd say if your ds falls asleep with a shh pat, then you are onto a winner. Over time, it can change to shhh and just your hand on him. Then you can do either hand or shh. Then nothing. It's good.

I guess it is a form of sleep training but didn't think he was too young or it was cruel. I was literally stood there they whole time I just didn't take him out when he was whimpering.

Bouncing, sling, buggy etc just were not working anymore. The only thing that did was walking around for an hour but even with that he was getting hysterical and my back was getting really bad. @Luckydog7 that sounds rough. Hope your backs are OK now? Sometimes needs must especially if you have other little ones who aren't getting any sleep.

I havent tried it for night time sleeping yet but he went down in 30 minutes again for a morning nap with shh pat so think I'll continue until it stops working (which I'm sure it may at some point!)

At no point did he really scream it was just that whimpering light cry/moan. As I said she is just really toxic so I needed a mumsnet opinion.

Thank you all again ❤️

If he used to get hysterical when you carried hun round the house and it took an hour but shhh pat only took 30 minutes and all he did was whimper then it sounds like that is actually the kinder option?

You know your baby best, but is it possible that you're trying to put your baby to sleep when he's not tired yet and that's what's causing the grumpiness?

I remember in the early days having some really stressful days when I was trying to get my baby to sleep based on some schedule I had read online. I eventually gave up and followed his cues instead, which worked a lot better for us as his wake window has always been slightly longer than the average for his age.

Just thinking 30 mins seems a long time to be trying to get your baby to sleep; I normally give it 15 and if it's not happening do an activity instead and try later.

Good point and I did think the same at first but he is the same if he has been awake for an hour or 3 hours (4 and 5 once even...) I scrapped wake windows because he was always a little ahead of the curve since birth really. I usually just take his cues. If I tried to do something else with him he would rub his eyes and cry so I knew he was definitely tired.

I'll keep an eye on it but it seems to be working better than the other ways at the moment. Was taking over an hour before and we were reaching over tired because of it constantly (and my back was giving up on me)

I'm a big fan of dummies, not just to soothe them but because it helps with SIDS but he will not entertain them (i know I'll be thankful for that in the future!) He has started sucking his thumb if he wakes up slightly now so hopefully that's how he wants to re settle himself

It’s fine as everyone else has said - definitely sounds like the kindest option. Just wanted to add well done for ignoring her!

I also think it is sleep training just a gentle version and it’s absolutely fine. Sensible in fact, he needs sleep and a rested calm happy Mum.
I think you shouldn’t leave them alone to scream at any age personally, but what you’re doing is totally fine.