Someone in house has been taking Christmas chocolate stash

[DrChasuble]

Bought 4 of the large celebration type tubs of chocolates a few weeks back when on offer for Halloween and Christmas. Hid them away but pretty sure all of my 3 children knew they were there. Have just got them out and found all 4 tubs have been opened and roughly half the contents of each have gone. I'm pretty sure the culprit will be oldest child - son age 14 - he has a previous track record of taking things in the house that don't belong to him - food and money, but he will also swear blind it is not him. Any advice.please on how you would handle. Feeling really upset.

It may just be a couple of chocolates, but it's the principle. One should be able to not have to worry about possessions being taken. It starts off with a couple of chocolates, then leads to stealing from a shop. Did you call the police? Maybe fit cameras up for evidence?

So it is OK if he takes the entire shepherd's pie that was meant for dinner, after all that is" communal" food too.
😂😂

Let's see now: 14 year old. Temptation, shepherds pie.
14 year old, temptation, chocolates.

I wonder which he'll go for!

The OP needs to a) stop buying Christmas chocs in October and b) find a better hiding place if she does.

As I said previously, the chocolates have already been paid for, so whoever subsequently eats them might be called selfish, but it's not a crime. Buy another tin, OP.

Oh, stop it!

This thread has just made me realise why so many kids struggle at school. No boundaries and wishy-washy ‘oh what does it matter?’ parenting.

Whoever has done this is selfish, sneaky, greedy and dishonest. They are not qualities I would want in my children and I’d be down like a ton of bricks on mine if I’d found they had done this. Especially a 14 year old who should know better. It might only be a few chocolates but it’s the principal.

Why doesn’t your 14 year old already know that stealing from the family isn’t acceptable?

Why doesn’t your 14 year old already know that stealing from the family isn’t acceptable?

He does, he’s just not that bothered.

Thats what OP is concerned about and would like support for - parenting a teenager with a ‘not bothered’ thing going on.

Oh this is what kids do though. I did this sort of thing as a kid. Don't be upset, just be better at hiding.

@UWhatNow I find a lot of threads eye opening

A thief?

Honestly what do you expect if you don’t hide them well enough? Car boots are useful for hiding stuff.

Oh, until your update I hadn't realised that some of the chocolates were planned as gifts for others. That does make it quite a lot worse.

This is interesting as one of my mums favourite xmas stories is me eating the Christmas tree chocolate - I’m now aware as an adult I have adhd traits so maybe that’s why I can’t say no to chocolate!!

That sounds really frustrating.

I would speak to all the kids together, explaining that you have found the chocolates opened and that you are really disappointed because:

• you had bought them for everyone to share at Christmas
• some were gifts

Then do some of the following:

• explain that you won't be able to afford more at Christmas, especially as you have to replace the gifts
• ask them what they think should be done to fix the problem
• encourage the person who took the chocolate to talk to you privately/later about it

You strongly suspect that it is your 14yo, but if you accuse him directly, you will probably get into an argument about why do you always blame me? / You have no proof it was me / it's not fair etc etc which doesn't help anyone.

By explaining the consequences of the culprit's actions, you shift from blame/getting away with it into a more adult sense of responsibility.

You might find that he (or another culprit) comes to you later and quietly apologises, at which point you can thank him for being honest and talk about a suitable fix together (maybe he buys the replacement chocolate).

He might not, but at least he will have the opportunity to reflect on his behaviour, which might help him to make different decisions in future.

I’d expect a 14 year old to know that you can’t go around stealing things just because it’s not nailed down. Teaching kids right from wrong is all part of parenting, yet so many on this thread don’t seem to be bothered about doing it!

Son's older now and can avoid temptation thank goodness. I think it's something that happens, when mine were younger I just didn't buy them until much nearer Christmas.

But this occasion your son was greedy and entitled. And if he has form for stealing money as well he is indeed a thief, let’s not sugar coat it. So the question is what are you going to do about it?

Deport him, obviously. He'll soon learn.

Avid reader
My son would have much preferred a shepherd's pie to a box of chocolates!😀

Very droll.

Get a dog OP, a beagle or labrador for preference. You'll never hide food successfully again.

Just read OP's update but it sums up a lot of my initial reaction - A lot of people buy them early if they're on a good deal to save money, there's no sense in chastising people for being organised!!

Like a couple of previous posters, my kids are a lot younger but we have clear boundaries at home where they know they're not allowed to help themselves to food and have to ask or be given it. (Interestingly all of my nieces and nephews are allowed to help themselves, so I'm not sure if we're in the minority with this?) But in any event 14 is plenty old enough to know that tins of chocolates hidden away (ie not in a kitchen cupboard) are off limits. I think you're reaction is understandable OP, I'd have felt upset spending the money and then not even being able to use them as the intended gifts due to them being eaten inappropriately.

You asked for how you can approach this... Personally mine would probably be to give your kids the chance to tell you the truth, under the assurance that they won't be in trouble for doing so? (There's a big difference between thanking your child for being truthful and calmly telling them what impact their choice has had on you and a consequence (ie no more will be bought for them and you expect them not to do it again) and alternatively punishing them for telling you the truth by then yelling at them if that makes sense). It's helpful to reinforce the behaviour you want to see (ie being truthful and taking responsibility) even when the natural urge to this behaviour is to punish.

@FrizzledFrazzle has the right approach here. Instead of angry show disappointment and start getting them to think of solutions, even involve them in a pretend budget scenario ie I have £20 to spend to replace these chocolates so where should it come from, no more biscuits until Christmas or no more crisps or no pocket money until it adds up to the £20? If they see something else has to stop so the gifts get replaced it might make your son think twice. He might just assume you are rich and mean, rather than awesome at budgeting.

Wait till they dilute the gin and vodka 😂😂

Unwrap, insert small slice of scotch bonnet, re wrap.

Mousetrap buried in the box may be taking things too far, though I believe you can buy things that jump out of boxes, buy one of those and load it with glitter.

Have fun with this OP, I would..

I’d have to set it up so that the next person to help themselves to the chocs got some of that dye on their hands - there’s no denying they’ve touched the contraband then 🤫

@DrChasuble my post about my 3 year old and 5 year old was actually in your defence (though I realise now it didn't come across that way). It was in response to the people telling you to get a grip. I would also be upset and was trying to relate. My comment about boundaries was in response to the 'hide them better' replies, which I just think is lunacy. You clearly have boundaries or you wouldn't be upset or looking for a solution to the rule breaking.

It wasn't meant as a comparison to your teenager... which is a whole different kettle of fish that I can't even pretend to have any understanding of yet.

Sorry I don't have better advice.

Totally normal and natural I'm afraid .. have to hide in our bedroom and have got to ninja level
In where I keep it all .. or get a lock but I can't be bothered with that