Experiences with the Incredible Years course

[RapidlyApproachingEndOfMyTether]

Just wondering if there are others out there who have done this course? We're having real difficulty with my nearly 7 year olds behaviour - defiance, rude, refusing to do as hes asked (basic stuff like brushing teeth, getting dressed, going up for bed), shouting, ignoring long-established screen time limits and sneaking off with the tablet etc. We try to use natural consequences or we take away his screen time for the day if his behaviour is really bad.

I'm trying also to spend as much quality 1 to 1 time with him as possible but it seems to make no difference and as soon as we're back doing normal everyday stuff it all starts again. It's exhausting and feels like nothing I ever do will be good enough. He says he would rather be homeless than live with us! He says we make him unhappy (because we can't indulge his every whim and can't say yes to everything all the time and have rules and boundaries about certain things - nothing excessive or new though). It's all really awful and we seem to be locked in an endless power struggle and it all feels really negative right now.

The city council are running this course but I don't know much about it so just wondering if anyone could share their experiences.

@RapidlyApproachingEndOfMyTether - did you do the course and how did you find it? Similar behaviour here!

Hi, no I never did it in the end. It was run in the daytimes so we would have struggled to attend alongside work. We put an old fashioned reward chart in place, linking his screen time in chunks to the 3 main flashpoints - bedtime, getting ready for school and his daily "jobs" - school reading book, 5 mins of piano practice. this seemed to help a lot, not immediately but looking back things are a lot better now. We also spoke to his teacher who introduced some lego breaks during the day at school, if he needed them. He didn't always use them but it was good for him to be able to take a break in the classroom, have a move around and a few mins change of scene. We wondered if he might be struggling with the increased demands in year 2. Quite honestly I'm not sure what made the difference, just time perhaps, but he has settled down a lot since then although we do still get some difficult days and he often doesn't see eye to eye with us which causes conflict. But it definitely has got easier. Hopefully the same will be true for you!

I did the course years ago.
I found it awfully patronising for my then 10 year old.
AFAIR it was developed to make secure attachments between adopted children up to age 4, and has been adopted in the uk for families with children with behavioural issues (in my “class” every single child bar one ended up not responding to the strategies, and ended up being diagnosed with ASD or ADHD.
In our cases it really brought home how much is blamed on parents. We needed support, not teaching how to bond with children we already had strong bonds with!

IMO there are many strategies to try (in our case a diagnosis of ASD/PDA opened up a whole load of techniques that worked better) before going to a course that works on the premise of you being a shitty parent.

I may be biased though 😬

The CAMHS lady who led the sessions was also really patronising to most of the parents who, including me, were distressed and unimpressed with the “fun ice breakers” we had to do. They treated us like a bunch of antisocial ingrates.
In hind sight we were probably all autistic too!
I was diagnosed a couple of years later.

I did it years ago. I’ve got the book too. There was some interesting bits but struggled with some of the concepts.

You have to do a parenting course here before you get referred for an ADHD or ASD assessment. I did the course in 2015/16 I think. Guess who has just been diagnosed. Ridiculous.

I then went on to do the ASD course and another parenting programme. It ain’t my fucking parenting …… however there were some parents that did benefit was it.