3mo screaming in the car - HELP!

[Maisie2019]

DS is 3mo and suddenly hates the car, we have a Joie Infant Carrier that came with my mamas and papas travel set. He was fine until about 3 weeks ago and then one day he cried and cried and now he screams the minute he goes in the car. I have to take him on longish journeys on my own often for paediatrician appointments and we do like to get out and about so it’s causing a real issue. I don’t think the comfort of the seat is the problem as he is fine when I carry the car seat it’s when I put him in the car. So far I have tried with no effect:

• removing the newborn insert
• adjusting the straps now he is longer
• Adding and removing the mirror in the back
• adding and removing the toys in the back
• sitting someone in the back with him when possible
• Turning off the air bags in the front and having him with me

none of these seem to help. I’m genuinely coming to the conclusion that he just hates not being able to see what’s going on. I’m wondering if one of the more upright seats that rearward face but then swivel forward facing when they are older might help? If he could see out of the window more? Or any ideas what might be causing this!! I can’t keep on with this until he is 15mo and can forward face 😭

Oh it's a nightmare isn't it, I used to stop and breastfeed until happy then start again - some journeys were so stop/start. Once she got more into toys it was fine again, it was a short phase.

Do have a read about prolonged rear facing, their spines are still so delicate at 15 months - uk law is behind a lot of the world in that regard apparently. But of course you have to weigh up if the screaming is going to make it more dangerous, the only speeding ticket I've had was during the screaming phase!

What are they under the paediatician for? Just wonder if it's related. I'm sure I've seen people recommend oestopaths for car seat issues too if that's worth a try as sounds like you've tried a lot

Do you know anyone with an extended rear facing seat suitable from birth you could try him in just to see if you can rule that out?

Mine was freaked out by the mirror, but I see you've tried that!

We had this and the only thing that worked was us all singing. I'm sorry to say that the screaming carried on when they could face forwards 😔

Yeah I had one of these too I agree that there isn't much you can do. They grow out of it once they start to take more of an interest in what's going on. But honestly I'd say just accept that this is how it will be for a few more weeks.

@QuiltedHippo he is under paediatrician for severe silent reflux. I did wonder if that was maybe causing it but he has always been fine and it just suddenly started and he is fine sitting in it when we are getting ready etc or if I carry him into a shop, he just screams the second I shut the car door!!!
Sorry what do you mean by prolonged rear facing? As in he should stay rearward longer than the 15mo recommendation?
I can zone out from it, DP can’t and gets really stressed. I also feel bad for DS last week I couldn’t physically stop on motorway he screamed over 45mins when I got him out he was drenched 😥

@EdHelpPls we have caved today after another traumatic journey and bought one! It arrives tomorrow so we shall see. I figured we will need to get him a bigger one at some point anyway and this one is suitable until 4yrs so thought may as well bite the bullet and get it now. £260!! Gulp!

@Randomword6 I’ve tried singing and talking to him neither has much effect! I’m really starting to think he is just scared staring at the seat cos he can’t see out but can feel the movement

@user1477249785 I think that’s the problem - he is so interested in what is going on and he is fed up of staring at a seat! I have tried dangling an array of toys and all sorts as well though but nothing seems to work! Do you remember roughly how old when they grew out of it? In a way glad I’m not alone as everyone keeps saying how strange babies usually love cars.

My son was the same for the first year. Luckily it was 2020 so mostly lockdowns and we weren't going anywhere often or if we did it wasn't far. I never would have driven with him on my own, I don't think I'd have been able to concentrate.

I'd sit in the back whilst my husband drove and we would sing really loud and jolly songs. We even made up a song about how horrendous he was in the car 'moan for no reason'.

He is 2 now and has been ok for the last year or so as long as he is occupied with a toy or his comforter. If we do longer journeys we plan it over his nap.

Mine did that for a couple of weeks and then stopped. No idea why. It might just pass. I hope so.

What worked for us to some extent with our car seat hating baby:

Give baby a break from car rides for awhile as much as possible (1-2 car rides a week if you can).

Lots of buggy walks in car seat.

Swing car seat back and forth for 1 minute before putting in the car to relax baby.

White noise.

Let go of the concept that all babies love car seats… some just don’t. I had to time car or buggy walks carefully with ds otherwise he would scream for hours. Sadly car seat wasn’t the issue. Was much easier when he was in a bit of a nap routine. Would feed and then go and often he would sleep for at least part of the drive. Sorry - no easy answers

Oh God it’s awful when you have a car hating baby. I didn’t travel more than 15 miles for the best part of a year. When we did HAVE to, we took forever as I’d stop and feed her then go again and repeat every bloody 15 minutes. I can’t let my babies cry even if I wanted to, it’s like a physical pain to me.
singing deffo helped a bit, and musical toys- baby Einstein made a wee musical think like a baby radio that played 5 tunes and had wee lights and it was a hit from 4 months maybe… and a musical bar that went across the seat and had lights… but those tunes even now bring me out in a cold sweat to hear them again.

I feel your pain, I'm 6 months in with a car hater. Some things work to delay the crying for a few minutes but nothing really works for a long period of time. I have tried:

-Getting him to sleep and then attempting to put him in the seat asleep (although he often immediately wakes up and then you're stuffed).
-Hanging over the seat in a moving car and feeding him until he falls asleep (only works if he's actually tired, very uncomfortable for me and also a bit dangerous for me).
-Singing, toys, me sitting in the back (mostly buys us about 6 or 7 minutes)
-Dancing fruit and vegetables on YouTube (buys us a bit longer -10/15 minutes perhaps).

That's it, that's all my ideas. Once we've used all of those we just have to listen to the crying for the remainder of the journey. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I try not to travel longer than 30 minutes unless I have to as that is probably my threshold for listening to continuous screaming.

Oh and I have also tried playing shushing noises over the car stereo and those travel sickness bands. Neither of those really worked. A dummy worked for a few minutes when he was a newborn but then he stopped taking the dummy. I have even tried forward facing him as the seat is a swivel seat. That only delayed the crying for a few minutes and I think it's actually illegal so I wouldn't recommend that!

Our DS did this, it was so stressful. It only stopped once he was in a forward facing car seat .

It's awful, isn't it OP 🙉

We saw an osteopath for DS's silent reflux (among other things!). He's been better in the car since as he used to scream and shout every time we put him in the car seat. He's nearly 11 weeks. He still shouts on some journeys but hoping he'll grow out of it soon.

My daughter did this - it was a nightmare. She didn’t sleep she just got louder. Tried everything.
it frazzled my nerves and made me Ill

it went on and on and on and literally I don’t know how I kept on the road.

I tried everything

eventually on the advice of a friend who said borrow our DVD player I did and played the muppet show - it worked that was the only thing

when she talked she could tell me she felt sick constantly

My eldest was like this and he had silent reflux. We just limited car journeys to those absolutely necessary. We had to turn him forward facing at 14 months.

Same. Around the 13 week mark he suddenly hated car journeys but a couple weeks later he was thankfully fine again.

DS was like this for the first year. Any time he was awake in the car he'd be crying and screaming. We foolishly booked a holiday in Scotland, 7 hours drive later, my nerves were shot to pieces and I've never ordered a glass of wine so quickly when we arrived at the hotel.

Like PP we switched to forward facing at 1 and no problems since. We did try a ERF seat from a friend and it was the same reaction.

The longer they rear face the better, my daughter due to being small and light will rear face until 7/8 years old as it's much safer. It's safer for adults just more more difficult to do!

Unfortunately at 3 months old you don't have much choice of a new seat other than a new infant seat. The Avionaut Sky or Axkid ONE2 (they are available at more specific shops) halfords and smyths toy's give dangerous car seat advice. The spin type seats can fit around 3- 6 months depending on the size of the baby.

Do you know which joie seat you have? I have seen a couple of the joie seat said about in car seat Facebook groups saying they can never get a good fit or child is unhappy.

It might be worth joining extended rear facing car seat Facebook group and you can ask for a fit check. They do take a little while to get a approval as it's a busy group.
www.facebook.com/groups/1376541652674823/?ref=share

@SNWannabe i know what you mean about the cold sweats, when DS was around 3 weeks he developed the silent reflux and would scream for hours upon hours. When I was pregnant I listened to the Beatles a lot so I would play it for him to calm him down. I can’t listen to the Beatles now without feeling sick.

@Geranium1984 i think this is the main issue - he can’t see out and he’s bored. Sometimes if you sit in the back with him you can entertain him for a bit with hey duggee or toys so I genuinely don’t think it’s the comfort of the car seat it’s the fact is so low down and he can’t see out. We have an Audi 4x4 and the windows are quite high as well.

@SlagathaChristie keeping my fingers crossed then. It’s been a few weeks now.