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Original poster

Partner isn't the supportive dad I thought he would be...

6 replies

Firsttimemum2one · 22/10/2022 21:54

My partner and I have been together 10 years and he has a teenager from a previous marriage. He always said how he struggled with them as a baby as they were 'a crying baby from hell' but they grew up to be a lovely child, albeit a now very difficult teen.
He knew I always wanted to be a mum but I waited for him to say he was ready as I knew how hard a change it would be so didn't want to push it, wanting him to be ready.
Our baby is now 6m and I just feel he resents us. He clearly does love them but has zero patience when they get frustrated or upset. I knew with him working (a very stressful job to be fair) I would do lions share but on evenings or weekends I did think things would be shared. However I seem to do all the early mornings, bottles and nappies regardless of the day. I find myself constantly worried that they are annoying him and feel like I take all the mental strain of timings, preparation etc.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Are just some people bad with babies and better when older?!
I always really worried about this happening after he always said about how hard he found the baby stage previously. I sort of think he would have been happy to not have had any more children and just had them for me. I also really would want to give my child a sibling but not sure I can do it 'on my own' again ... any advice really welcome thanks

OP posts:
Sandcastlesinthesky · 22/10/2022 22:07

My dh has three other children from previous relationship. I was quite surprised how hard he seemed to find our baby together. Seemed to have very little patience for her. This all changed around the 12 month mark when she started communicating better and generally being a lot more interesting ( to him. Always interesting to me obviously). Now when she shouts in her cot he’s practically racing me to pick her up first. There is hope! I’m not looking to have another though so I understand your concern. He should be pulling his weight.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/10/2022 22:11

Is he close to his teen? How old was your step child when you got together? Was he good with his child at that age? How long do you expect this to go on for?

Original poster
Firsttimemum2one · 22/10/2022 22:21

Sandcastlesinthesky · 22/10/2022 22:07

My dh has three other children from previous relationship. I was quite surprised how hard he seemed to find our baby together. Seemed to have very little patience for her. This all changed around the 12 month mark when she started communicating better and generally being a lot more interesting ( to him. Always interesting to me obviously). Now when she shouts in her cot he’s practically racing me to pick her up first. There is hope! I’m not looking to have another though so I understand your concern. He should be pulling his weight.

Thanks this gives me hope! Feel free not to answer this but are you OK to just have the one child? The only reason I would have another is purely so they have a sibling close in age

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Leakingroofagain · 22/10/2022 22:24

I think you need to stop doing all the things you do and want to share. If the baby wakes up early you need to roll over and say "your turn dh!". If he doesn't do the caring aspects he won't bond and if he doesn't bond he won't do the caring so you need to kick start it. Go out for a bit and leave him to it.

Original poster
Firsttimemum2one · 22/10/2022 22:28

Scarydinosaurs · 22/10/2022 22:11

Is he close to his teen? How old was your step child when you got together? Was he good with his child at that age? How long do you expect this to go on for?

They were 4 when we got together and it's one of the reasons why I was fell for him as I loved seeing him as a dad.
Consistently he has travelled 3hour round trip ever other weekend to collect and drop her off without fail and make effort to take her away on holidays and generally he has made sure she hasn't gone without.
My daughter was born earlier this yeat and she came twice and was due to come on holiday with us, when out of the blue, her mum messaged to say she was struggling with the new baby and was too anxious to come...that was several months ago and still hasn't been :(

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Original poster
Firsttimemum2one · 22/10/2022 22:29

Leakingroofagain · 22/10/2022 22:24

I think you need to stop doing all the things you do and want to share. If the baby wakes up early you need to roll over and say "your turn dh!". If he doesn't do the caring aspects he won't bond and if he doesn't bond he won't do the caring so you need to kick start it. Go out for a bit and leave him to it.

Yeah I have thought this but then thought it may make him more annoyed with them...I know I am a total people pleaser so probably over thinking this! Will try this, thanks x

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